In a recent post, I had mentioned both Threshold Choirs and that there are other groups that do bedside singing and different kinds of healing music ministry and outreach. Some of the ones I know are Unitarian Universalist groups, some are Quaker groups (such as Nightingales in Northern Yearly Meeting), and I'm sure there are plenty of others I don't know about yet.
When I attended the Unitarian Universalist Musicians Network Conference in 2009, I went to a number of wonderful workshops. One of them was facilitated by Kellie Walker, of Valley Unitarian Univeralist Congregation in Chandler, AZ, about HeartSongs, a music ministry program which focuses on healing. I left with inspiration to take back to my vocal ensemble at home and to Quaker Meeting for Worship for Healing.
My notes from that workshop are currently on a boat somewhere between the US and the UK, but earlier this week, new developments in Walker's program were spotlighted on the UUMN blog:
Heart-to-HeartSongs: Music Ministry Thrives in Chandler, AZ
http://singingforourlives.wordpress.com/2011/09/06/heart-to-heartsongs-music-ministry-thrives-in-chandler-arizona/
There are all sorts of neat things that have come about in the last two years in this work.
For more information about the program and about the Voices Lifted Singers -- including recommendations for how to start your own group -- see:
Heart-to-HeartSongs: Voices Lifted Music Ministry
http://hearttoheartsongs.wordpress.com/
Enjoy reading, and do make sure to check out some of the videos from the Voices Lifted Singers. They're wonderful.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Thinking again about inconsolable grief, and company along the way
I have been thinking again about inconsolable grief. About how some deaths make sense, some deaths we can eventually make sense out of, and some we don't necessarily ever make sense of. We live with them as the edges wear to somewhat less sharpness.
Beloved Wife and I are going through a death in our family that doesn't make sense.
It has a narrative which either of us can tell you. That narrative, in its own strange way, makes sense to me through the lens of my training, education, and experience. I can explain any number of things to you about it. But it doesn't make sense to my gut, nor, I think, to hers, or to anyone's in our family.
That's part of the difference between explanation and lived experience.
I'm reminded of how I feel tongue-tied when people want me to explain Paganism or Witchcraft or Quakerism to them in a way that makes these things make sense to them, that helps them understand them. I can explain, but I can't give them the experience, and the experience is, after all, what is central in these experiential mystical traditions/religions/spiritualities.
Or when people I work with one-on-one or in groups want me to explain trauma recovery, the process of grieving, the process of re-connecting with their sense of That-Which-Is-Sacred, or other kinds of healing.
But in those situations, there's something different. It's more personal. And the person asking is usually also asking for hope: Tell me I can do this. Tell me this is possible for me.
(Yes. Yes, it is. No, you will not be alone.)
Life is like that. The explanations, the words on paper or the screen, are reflections of the reality. They can hint, but they can't convey the fullness, the reality, of experience.
And as I wrote earlier, these aren't things we can fix for each other, or do for each other. But these are things we can accompany each other during. And that's important.
My gut refuses any sense of this death, at the same time my brain can't help seeing the patterns that are there, and the vast gaps where there are none.
And so here I am, again, faced with an inconsolable grief, one that is both my own and where I have care for others affected by it.
I've written about inconsolable grief before, about what's helpful and what's not. (I also very much appreciated the gentle and loving conversation in the comments on that piece from people about what they'd found helpful, and not helpful, and why, in their own grief.)
I very much appreciate your holding us, and our family, in the Light, or doing whatever your own personal practice is when you hold someone in your spiritual care. I appreciate your being gentle with me while I'm still in shock. I appreciate your not trying to fix the unfixable, and most of all, just being with, being present, being company during the process.
Beloved Wife and I are going through a death in our family that doesn't make sense.
It has a narrative which either of us can tell you. That narrative, in its own strange way, makes sense to me through the lens of my training, education, and experience. I can explain any number of things to you about it. But it doesn't make sense to my gut, nor, I think, to hers, or to anyone's in our family.
That's part of the difference between explanation and lived experience.
I'm reminded of how I feel tongue-tied when people want me to explain Paganism or Witchcraft or Quakerism to them in a way that makes these things make sense to them, that helps them understand them. I can explain, but I can't give them the experience, and the experience is, after all, what is central in these experiential mystical traditions/religions/spiritualities.
Or when people I work with one-on-one or in groups want me to explain trauma recovery, the process of grieving, the process of re-connecting with their sense of That-Which-Is-Sacred, or other kinds of healing.
But in those situations, there's something different. It's more personal. And the person asking is usually also asking for hope: Tell me I can do this. Tell me this is possible for me.
(Yes. Yes, it is. No, you will not be alone.)
Life is like that. The explanations, the words on paper or the screen, are reflections of the reality. They can hint, but they can't convey the fullness, the reality, of experience.
And as I wrote earlier, these aren't things we can fix for each other, or do for each other. But these are things we can accompany each other during. And that's important.
My gut refuses any sense of this death, at the same time my brain can't help seeing the patterns that are there, and the vast gaps where there are none.
And so here I am, again, faced with an inconsolable grief, one that is both my own and where I have care for others affected by it.
I've written about inconsolable grief before, about what's helpful and what's not. (I also very much appreciated the gentle and loving conversation in the comments on that piece from people about what they'd found helpful, and not helpful, and why, in their own grief.)
I very much appreciate your holding us, and our family, in the Light, or doing whatever your own personal practice is when you hold someone in your spiritual care. I appreciate your being gentle with me while I'm still in shock. I appreciate your not trying to fix the unfixable, and most of all, just being with, being present, being company during the process.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Northern Spirit Radio's Song of the Soul: Singing the Goddess
At FGC Gathering this summer, Mark Helpsmeet of Northern Spirit Radio interviewed me for the program Song of the Soul. Three members of my Gathering workshop, Singing the Goddess -- Denise Madland, Peggy Bright, and Sandy Moon -- joined me.
Click here for more information and to listen to the interview:
Singing the Goddess: Stasa Morgan-Appel
The whole interview, including singing, is about an hour.
Songs we performed:
Notes:
Links to a lot of the different things we talked about (and some links I failed to mention, but add now):
Some of my favorite songbooks (more to be added!):
Friends General Conference ("FGC is more than Gathering!"):
FGC Gathering:
Winter Solstice Celebrations and A Winter Solstice Singing Ritual book and CD:
The Pagan Pride Project:
Threshold Choirs:
Melanie DeMore:
Betsy Rose:
Pagan festivals, get-togethers, gatherings, etc. Please note that I do not endorse any of these, or have experience with any of these, except for local Pagan Pride Day celebrations, unless noted with an asterisk.
Cherry Hill Seminary:
Unitarian Universalist Musicans Network (UUMN):
Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS):
Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations (UUA):
Quaker Pagan and Pagan Quaker resources:
Quakers!! Where?
I hope you enjoy!
p.s. Blogger allows only a certain amount of room for labels, and so I was unable to include labels for all the orgs I provided links for.
 |
| Northern Spirit Radio |
Click here for more information and to listen to the interview:
Singing the Goddess: Stasa Morgan-Appel
The whole interview, including singing, is about an hour.
Songs we performed:
- "We Are a Circle," by Rick Hamouris*
- "Tallis Canon"/"Full Moon Canon," by Thomas Tallis (1567) and Stasa Morgan-Appel
- "The River," by Diana Hildebrand-Hull
- "Sending You Light," by Melanie DeMore
- "Imani," by Rachael A. K. Hazen*
- "Meditation on Breathing," by Sarah Dan Jones
Notes:
- This interview took place on Friday afternoon. I had horrible voice strain by the end of the week, and you can definitely hear that, both in my speaking voice and in my singing voice.
- We had no rehearsal time, and we'd sung each song together once or twice during the course of the week. I'm really grateful to Denise, Peggy, and Sandy for their courage and willingness to sing with me under these circumstances!
- The song I'm talking about at the very beginning of the interview, from my workshop in 2009, is Juliet Spitzer's "Shadow/Light," recorded by SheWho on their album "The Earth Will Turn Over."
- Here is the Pagan Pride Project's set of definitions of "What Is a Pagan?":
A Pagan or NeoPagan is someone who self-identifies as a Pagan, and whose spiritual or religious practice or belief fits into one or more of the following categories:
- Honoring, revering, or worshipping a Deity or Deities found in pre-Christian, classical, aboriginal, or tribal mythology; and/or
- Practicing religion or spirituality based upon shamanism, shamanic, or magickal practices; and/or
- Creating new religion based on past Pagan religions and/or futuristic views of society, community, and/or ecology;
- Focusing religious or spiritual attention primarily on the Divine Feminine; and/or
- Practicing religion that focuses on earth based spirituality.
Links to a lot of the different things we talked about (and some links I failed to mention, but add now):
Some of my favorite songbooks (more to be added!):
- http://stasa.net/resources/musical-resources#TOC-Songbooks
- http://stasa.net/resources/musical-resources#TOC-Songbooks1
Friends General Conference ("FGC is more than Gathering!"):
FGC Gathering:
Winter Solstice Celebrations and A Winter Solstice Singing Ritual book and CD:
- on my website: http://stasa.net/winter-solstice
- at Emerald Earth Publishing: http://emeraldearth.net/winter__solstice.htm
The Pagan Pride Project:
Threshold Choirs:
- http://www.thresholdchoir.org/ (Please note, there are restrictions as to who may join certain Threshold Choirs)
- The Eau Claire Threshold Singers' Song of the Soul interview: http://www.northernspiritradio.org/index.asp?command=ShowInfo&ID=557980107113
Melanie DeMore:
Betsy Rose:
Pagan festivals, get-togethers, gatherings, etc. Please note that I do not endorse any of these, or have experience with any of these, except for local Pagan Pride Day celebrations, unless noted with an asterisk.
- Witchvox (The Witches' Voice), to find groups, festivals, etc, near you: http://witchvox.org/
- The Pagan Newswire Collective, for coverage of all sorts of festivals: http://pagannewswirecollective.com/
- Pagan Pride Day locations world-wide (in the fall of the year): http://paganpride.org/where/where.html
- Reclaiming Witchcamps: http://www.witchcamp.org/
- Pagan Spirit Gathering: http://www.circlesanctuary.org/psg/
- Pantheacon: http://pantheacon.com/wordpress/
- Free Spirit Gathering: http://www.freespiritgathering.org/
- Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS): http://www.cuups.org/
- Our Lady of the Earth and Sky (OLOTEAS)*, a non-denominational Pagan church in the Puget Sound area of Washington: http://www.oloteas.org/
- Winter Solstice Celebrations (based on A Winter Solstice Singing Ritual), http://stasa.net/winter-solstice
Cherry Hill Seminary:
Unitarian Universalist Musicans Network (UUMN):
Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS):
Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations (UUA):
Quaker Pagan and Pagan Quaker resources:
Quakers!! Where?
- To find a Meeting near you in the US or Canada: http://www.quakerfinder.org/
- To find a Meeting near you in Britain: http://www.quaker.org.uk/
I hope you enjoy!
p.s. Blogger allows only a certain amount of room for labels, and so I was unable to include labels for all the orgs I provided links for.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Updating my blog
I am updating my blog's template, etc. Please be patient while it's under construction. Thanks!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Recommended radio piece: BBC's "Twenty Minutes: Quakers Don't Sing"
BBC Radio's Twenty Minutes: Quakers Don't Sing
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b013xq72/Twenty_Minutes_Quakers_Dont_Sing/
This was announced at the rise of Meeting for Worship yesterday, and we made sure to listen when it was broadcast last night. Some F/friends in the States also heard it and passed the link on to the Quaker Pagans email list. It's both fun and deeply moving.
The Quaker part starts at about time mark 3:30. Enjoy!
(The broadcast is available on-line through 8:30 PM British Summer Time on 4 September.)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b013xq72/Twenty_Minutes_Quakers_Dont_Sing/
This was announced at the rise of Meeting for Worship yesterday, and we made sure to listen when it was broadcast last night. Some F/friends in the States also heard it and passed the link on to the Quaker Pagans email list. It's both fun and deeply moving.
Many creative people have found a spiritual home amongst the Quaker movement in our noisy modern world but one thing seems to be missing from this most peaceful of all gatherings - music. Dame Judi Dench, novelist Margaret Elphinstone and the composer Sally Beamish contribute to a montage of thoughts, akin to a Quaker meeting discussion, and reveal their own relationships with silence and music.
The Quaker part starts at about time mark 3:30. Enjoy!
(The broadcast is available on-line through 8:30 PM British Summer Time on 4 September.)
Friday, August 26, 2011
Recommended article: Selina Rifkin's "Cauldron to Kitchen: Pagan Kosher"
This is the first in a series where Rifkin explores the idea of "Pagan 'kosher'." I've followed the beginnings of this exploration in other communications with Rifkin, and I'm looking forward to seeing how her ideas develop further of how we, as Pagans, can approach being in right relation with our food, with what we choose to eat, and with what food options are available to us given our life circumstances and where we live. I have a feeling Friends might also find this an interesting and useful avenue of inquiry as well.
Rifkin writes:
Read more at Cauldron to Kitchen: Pagan Kosher
http://selinarifkin.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/pagan-kosher/
Rifkin writes:
But why should it matter? Are not all acts of love and pleasure Her rituals? Certainly eating chocolate can approach the experience of ecxtasy. But what if that chocolate was harvested with child labor? And how good can we feel about an industry built on a foundation of slave labor? The sugar trade spawned the African Slave trade, and never mind what it does to our health. But this is just one example. The food we eat should not just feed our hunger, our desire. It should feed our bodies and minds. It can connect us with our ancestors and our descendants. It can connect us to our local environment. Every time we eat, it is a chance to affirm our ethical choices, and create alignment with our communities. Food is powerful.
Read more at Cauldron to Kitchen: Pagan Kosher
http://selinarifkin.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/pagan-kosher/
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Recommended reading: Feminist Hulk and J's interviews at Ms. Magazine Blog
Here are links to the three interviews -- two with Feminist Hulk and zir "literary life partner," J, one with J alone -- at Ms. Magazine Blog. I found that while reading these, I laughed uproariously, nodded, winced, and felt often like I'd found two like-minded souls.
Enjoy!
FEMINIST HULK SMASH EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH MS.!
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2010/06/07/feminist-hulk-smash-exclusive-interview-with-ms/
FEMINIST HULK MEET MS. MAGAZINE: THE SEQUEL
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/06/20/feminist-hulk-meet-ms-magazine-the-sequel/
Who's Behind the Mask of Feminist Hulk? Only the Ms. Blog Knows!
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/08/22/whos-behind-the-mask-of-feminist-hulk-only-the-ms-blog-knows/
Enjoy!
FEMINIST HULK SMASH EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH MS.!
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2010/06/07/feminist-hulk-smash-exclusive-interview-with-ms/
FEMINIST HULK MEET MS. MAGAZINE: THE SEQUEL
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/06/20/feminist-hulk-meet-ms-magazine-the-sequel/
Who's Behind the Mask of Feminist Hulk? Only the Ms. Blog Knows!
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/08/22/whos-behind-the-mask-of-feminist-hulk-only-the-ms-blog-knows/
Feminist Hulk make Stasa happy
You can take that any way you want; but what I'm talking about is, I love this quote:
This quote is from Feminist Hulk's "literary life partner," J. (Jessica Lawson).
Why do I love it?
It's nuanced.
I've been following Feminist Hulk for a while, and I just finished reading all three of zir interviews with Ms. Magazine Blog. Feminist Hulk is a fierce feminist, as fierce as I am. This makes me happy. And just as Hulk smash gender binary, Hulk smash us/them binary that divides women from each other and people from other people who share values with each other. This also makes me happy. (Yes, labels like "Republican" and "Democrat" are at times irrelevant.)
It takes courage to cut across that either/or divide, whether it's in politics, religion, spirituality, culture, customs, etc.
At its heart, feminism is about seeing through those artificial either/or divides, back to both/and.
At their heart, so are Quakerism and many forms of Paganism.
Feminist Hulk rock.
(And Feminist Hulk make Stasa happy.)
It’s important to remember that Republican doesn’t have to equal conservative. Palin is an embarrassment for the many intelligent and dedicated Republicans who are tired of their party’s dependence on the far right. In a year when so much of the GOP’s agenda has appealed to conservatives by stomping on women (whether by trying to defund Planned Parenthood’s ability to offer pap smears–in a redundant effort to limit federal abortion support–or by trying to redefine rape), I think there is no greater sign of this problem than the laughable notion that Palin is the best female candidate they could come up with.
http://msmagazine.com/blog/blog/2011/06/20/feminist-hulk-meet-ms-magazine-the-sequel/
This quote is from Feminist Hulk's "literary life partner," J. (Jessica Lawson).
Why do I love it?
It's nuanced.
I've been following Feminist Hulk for a while, and I just finished reading all three of zir interviews with Ms. Magazine Blog. Feminist Hulk is a fierce feminist, as fierce as I am. This makes me happy. And just as Hulk smash gender binary, Hulk smash us/them binary that divides women from each other and people from other people who share values with each other. This also makes me happy. (Yes, labels like "Republican" and "Democrat" are at times irrelevant.)
It takes courage to cut across that either/or divide, whether it's in politics, religion, spirituality, culture, customs, etc.
At its heart, feminism is about seeing through those artificial either/or divides, back to both/and.
At their heart, so are Quakerism and many forms of Paganism.
Feminist Hulk rock.
(And Feminist Hulk make Stasa happy.)
Monday, August 8, 2011
On my way home from NPYM Annual Sessions last summer
I recently found an old draft of this post and decided to share it. - sm
Where do I even start this story?
It was last July (2010). I was standing in the entryway to the airplane, watching my soon-to-be seatmate in the first class cabin put lotion on her hands, and I had a bad feeling about this.
I was on my way back to NJ from Spokane, WA and North Pacific Yearly Meeting in Missoula, MT. I’d accepted a voluntary bump that re-routed me through Portland on a twin-prop plane, instead of going through Salt Lake City on a commuter jet.
Happily, coming into Portland, it was a calm evening, and the view of mountains and rivers was gorgeous. (Gorges, for the Columbia River Gorge?)
Powell’s Books in PDX was an unexpected respite and delight. I’d been upgraded to first class for the second, red-eye part of my journey, an ambiguous delight. (Paying for real, unsweetened oatmeal for breakfast at JFK the next morning with an airline voucher was deeply satisfying.)
I was feeling ambiguous about being in first class. I’d been thinking about class a lot lately, talking about it a fair bit, and been writing about it some. And hoo boy, had I been feeling in touch with my working class roots and self.
So that night, on one hand, I welcomed the extra space on a flight where I would really, really need to get some sleep; Beloved Wife was overseas on a research trip, and I was going to need to get myself to central NJ on public transit from JFK when my body thought it was 3 am and I was under the weather. But I felt somehow like I was reinforcing the class system. And I also felt somehow like I wasn’t presenting as “good enough” for first class. Conversely, with our family's scruffy travel backpack, no makeup, my faded Guatemalan print pants and my hiking shirt, traveling first class on a mitzvah, I also felt like I was subverting the class system. (And representing well, too...)
So I sat down next to my seatmate. And oh, my, was that lotion strong. I can’t even tell you what it smelled like, except it was very spicy somehow.
Because first class boards early, I had a lot of time to contemplate what to do. Or not to do. I had a lot of time to argue with myself that that lotion wasn’t actually making me sick. It wasn’t giving me a migraine, so it was easy to argue that it wasn’t really making me nauseated – that was just how warm the airplane was.
I’d already had a bad asthma attack this trip because of totally unexpected mold exposure; both the asthma attack and the meds to treat it had left me feeling pretty vulnerable. The next day I’d had an ADA accessibility problem and a chemical exposure problem within the same ten-minute time frame, both of which also left me feeling tender and vulnerable. I’d been wrestling with these kinds of issues for a good chunk of my trip, with Friends who love and respect me, and even with that love and support it was hard – so let me tell you exactly how much Ms. Scruffy Itinerant Minister Bumped Up to First Class felt like telling a total stranger her hand lotion was a problem.
I got up to pull my cell phone out of my bag in the overhead and turn it off. Standing in the aisle, I instantly felt much better.
Shit, I thought. I have to say something. What do I say? How do I ask this total stranger in first class to go wash her hands?
I sat back down. Lotion. My head pounded and my stomach rebelled.
“Excuse me,” I finally said. “I need your help with something…”
And it worked.
My seatmate was quite startled, but very responsive. I kept it short and sweet and talked about it in terms of allergies. She was sympathetic. She’s from Europe and her husband’s from the US, and they have very different allergy problems when they visit family in different countries. She obviously felt a little silly washing her hands, but then worried the fragrance in the soap would be a problem. It was fine, and I was deeply grateful.
She drank her wine and went to sleep.
Eventually, I went to sleep, too.
Where do I even start this story?
It was last July (2010). I was standing in the entryway to the airplane, watching my soon-to-be seatmate in the first class cabin put lotion on her hands, and I had a bad feeling about this.
I was on my way back to NJ from Spokane, WA and North Pacific Yearly Meeting in Missoula, MT. I’d accepted a voluntary bump that re-routed me through Portland on a twin-prop plane, instead of going through Salt Lake City on a commuter jet.
Happily, coming into Portland, it was a calm evening, and the view of mountains and rivers was gorgeous. (Gorges, for the Columbia River Gorge?)
Powell’s Books in PDX was an unexpected respite and delight. I’d been upgraded to first class for the second, red-eye part of my journey, an ambiguous delight. (Paying for real, unsweetened oatmeal for breakfast at JFK the next morning with an airline voucher was deeply satisfying.)
I was feeling ambiguous about being in first class. I’d been thinking about class a lot lately, talking about it a fair bit, and been writing about it some. And hoo boy, had I been feeling in touch with my working class roots and self.
So that night, on one hand, I welcomed the extra space on a flight where I would really, really need to get some sleep; Beloved Wife was overseas on a research trip, and I was going to need to get myself to central NJ on public transit from JFK when my body thought it was 3 am and I was under the weather. But I felt somehow like I was reinforcing the class system. And I also felt somehow like I wasn’t presenting as “good enough” for first class. Conversely, with our family's scruffy travel backpack, no makeup, my faded Guatemalan print pants and my hiking shirt, traveling first class on a mitzvah, I also felt like I was subverting the class system. (And representing well, too...)
So I sat down next to my seatmate. And oh, my, was that lotion strong. I can’t even tell you what it smelled like, except it was very spicy somehow.
Because first class boards early, I had a lot of time to contemplate what to do. Or not to do. I had a lot of time to argue with myself that that lotion wasn’t actually making me sick. It wasn’t giving me a migraine, so it was easy to argue that it wasn’t really making me nauseated – that was just how warm the airplane was.
I’d already had a bad asthma attack this trip because of totally unexpected mold exposure; both the asthma attack and the meds to treat it had left me feeling pretty vulnerable. The next day I’d had an ADA accessibility problem and a chemical exposure problem within the same ten-minute time frame, both of which also left me feeling tender and vulnerable. I’d been wrestling with these kinds of issues for a good chunk of my trip, with Friends who love and respect me, and even with that love and support it was hard – so let me tell you exactly how much Ms. Scruffy Itinerant Minister Bumped Up to First Class felt like telling a total stranger her hand lotion was a problem.
I got up to pull my cell phone out of my bag in the overhead and turn it off. Standing in the aisle, I instantly felt much better.
Shit, I thought. I have to say something. What do I say? How do I ask this total stranger in first class to go wash her hands?
I sat back down. Lotion. My head pounded and my stomach rebelled.
“Excuse me,” I finally said. “I need your help with something…”
And it worked.
My seatmate was quite startled, but very responsive. I kept it short and sweet and talked about it in terms of allergies. She was sympathetic. She’s from Europe and her husband’s from the US, and they have very different allergy problems when they visit family in different countries. She obviously felt a little silly washing her hands, but then worried the fragrance in the soap would be a problem. It was fine, and I was deeply grateful.
She drank her wine and went to sleep.
Eventually, I went to sleep, too.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Spaces still available in workshop!
Friends who are attending this summer's Friends General Conference Gathering -- I still have space available in the workshop I'm leading, "Singing the Goddess."
Here's the short description:
Details and the long description -- including expectations and objectives for the week, specific areas/topics that I expect to cover, a rough description of the format, what participants should bring, and a brief bio -- are available at the FGC Gathering website; please click here: http://www.fgcquaker.org/gathering/this-year/workshop/singing-the-goddess.
The workshop meets for five mornings at the Annual Gathering of Friends General Conference, from July 3rd through 9th in Grinnell, Iowa this summer. To attend my workshop, you need to be registered for the Gathering (which is a rich and wonderful experience!).
Here's the short description:
From simple chants and rounds to more complicated songs; music that honors the Earth, the Goddess, nature, the seasons, silliness and each other. Come as you are, whether or not you think of yourself as a singer! No music-reading needed. Grounded in worship. Centering, joyful and fun. All genders welcome.
Details and the long description -- including expectations and objectives for the week, specific areas/topics that I expect to cover, a rough description of the format, what participants should bring, and a brief bio -- are available at the FGC Gathering website; please click here: http://www.fgcquaker.org/gathering/this-year/workshop/singing-the-goddess.
The workshop meets for five mornings at the Annual Gathering of Friends General Conference, from July 3rd through 9th in Grinnell, Iowa this summer. To attend my workshop, you need to be registered for the Gathering (which is a rich and wonderful experience!).
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Quote of the day...
Quote of the day, from Ta-Nehisi Coates (emphasis mine):
Good food for thought...
Write first, represent second.
I know I often feel pressure to represent Pagan Friends somehow. (As if I could.)
I think that when you are lucky enough to write in a prominent place, there's some sense that you must not just represent your own views, but those of your comrades in struggle...
But the salient point, for me, is to always write first, and represent second. To do it in reverse, would result in a poorly written mush of liberal complaint which would, I assure you, represent no one well.
Good food for thought...
Write first, represent second.
I know I often feel pressure to represent Pagan Friends somehow. (As if I could.)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Guest post/s for Pagan Values Blogging Month?
June 2011 is the third International Pagan Values Blogging Month!
I've participated in this project in the past, and have found it really interesting, as well as helpful in my own spiritual growth and my own ministry.
This year, I hope to write something again myself and to explore this topic further. But I also find myself wondering:
Are there folks -- Pagans, Pagan Quakers, or Quaker Pagans -- who are interested in writing about this, but who don't have blogs of your own?
Would you be interested in writing a guest post for this blog?
If so, let me know, and give me a way to get in touch with you, and we'll explore the possibility and hopefully work something out.
I think I'd love to have one or more guest posts on this topic this year, with viewpoints different from my own, and I'd like to explore that with anyone who's interested.
Thanks!
I've participated in this project in the past, and have found it really interesting, as well as helpful in my own spiritual growth and my own ministry.
This year, I hope to write something again myself and to explore this topic further. But I also find myself wondering:
Are there folks -- Pagans, Pagan Quakers, or Quaker Pagans -- who are interested in writing about this, but who don't have blogs of your own?
Would you be interested in writing a guest post for this blog?
If so, let me know, and give me a way to get in touch with you, and we'll explore the possibility and hopefully work something out.
I think I'd love to have one or more guest posts on this topic this year, with viewpoints different from my own, and I'd like to explore that with anyone who's interested.
Thanks!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Do you have to get divorced every time you move?
Are you married?
If so, when's the last time you had to get divorced and remarried just because you moved within the United States?
If you're in an opposite-sex couple and you're married, chances are you got married, and no matter where in the US you've moved, you've stayed married. It's probably never occurred to you to get divorced and remarried just because you were moving to another city or county in your state, or to another state.
Sounds pretty silly, actually, right?
But if you're in a same-sex couple, though, this might sound all too familiar to you:
In essence, same-sex couples have to get divorced and remarried every time we move.
(It's possible there are exceptions to this. I don't know of any. Some states and the District of Columbia recognize same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions, but none I know of recognize domestic partnerships or civil unions from other jurisdictions; and many domestic partnership laws and civil union laws are written to be invalid in any other state.)
Let me repeat that:
In essence, same-sex couples have to get divorced and remarried every time we move.
If you're a straight ally to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, does this idea come as a complete surprise to you? A lot of people I've been talking to lately have been truly shocked to hear this.
And that has surprised me.
Jane and Amy meet, fall in love, the whole nine yards. They move in together. They are led to marry. They have a wonderful wedding in their Quaker meeting / Coven / Grove / backyard / church / synagogue / religious community, with lots of friends and family present.
As part of their discernment process around marriage, they research how best to protect themselves, each other, and their family legally.
Their city has a domestic partnership law. But it turns out it doesn't offer them any protection at all -- since neither of them is a City employee, it's just a piece of paper with the mayor's signature, saying they're domestic partners. It won't let them visit each other in the hospital or make medical decisions for each other, for example, or give each other rights of survivorship if one should die. Jane and Amy also realize that they feel a strong religious leading not to register a domestic partnership or civil union, because it's unequal treatment under the law; they feel led to wait for civil marriage. So they don't register.
With an elder from their religious community, they do go to City Hall to apply for a marriage license, knowing they'll be turned down, to make a point. City Hall clerks refuse to issue them even an application, on the grounds that they're a same-sex couple and therefore can't receive a marriage license.
Jane and Amy do the next-best things to protect themselves and their family legally. They make their wills, their advance directives (living wills), and their health care and financial powers of attorney. They have them witnessed and notarized. They make sure there are copies with their doctors, their multiple cascading attorneys-in-fact, a number of friends and family members, and the office of their Quaker Meeting / church / synagogue / Coven / religious community.
Potential divorce #1
A couple of years go by. Jane changes careers. Jane and Amy move to City B, State B so that Jane can go to graduate school in her field in another state. Amy no longer has insurance through her job, but she can get on Jane's insurance -- if they're registered as domestic partners in their new city. Potential divorce #1. In order to register as domestic partners in City B, they have to dissolve any pre-existing domestic partnerships -- even between the two of them -- in any other jurisdictions. If they had registered as domestic partners in City A, they would now have to dissolve that domestic partnership in order to become domestic partners in City B.
Oh, and while they're at it, they should see a lawyer about the different laws in State B, and re-do their wills, their advance directives, and their health care and financial powers of attorney, then re-distribute the copies of the new ones.
Potential divorce #2; actual divorce #1
Amy and Jane register as domestic partners in City B. While they're living there, a statewide ballot initiative comes before the voters in State B to amend the state constitution to make all domestic partnership laws and domestic partner benefits illegal. Potential divorce #2.
It passes. Actual divorce #1.
Thanks to the work of Jane's employer, and that of many other employers across the state, Amy and many other same-sex partners still have health insurance -- and so do many of those couples' kids, since the ballot initiative also threatened to nullify many second-parent adoptions.
Jane finishes graduate school, and, like many early-career academics, lands a series of post-doctoral teaching and research jobs -- in different states.
Potential divorce #3
Jane and Amy move to City C, State C together. State C has a reasonably strong domestic partnership law. They don't need to register for Amy to have access to Jane's benefits as Jane's partner, they're going to be there a short time, and State C has a good history of hospitals, for example, honoring powers of attorney. They don't have a leading to register or any practical reasons to do so. They don't register.
However, if they had registered, and if the voters of State B hadn't dissolved it for them already, they would have had to dissolve their domestic partnership from City B first. Potential divorce #3.
They should also re-do their wills, their advance directives, and their health care and financial powers of attorney for State C, then re-distribute the copies of the new ones again.
Potential divorces #4 and #5
Jane's job ends, and Jane and Amy move to City D, State D for her next job.
They should re-do their wills, their advance directives, and their health care and financial powers of attorney for State D, then re-distribute the copies of the new ones again.
State D has a civil union law that is court-mandated to offer all the benefits and obligations of marriage ("everything but marriage"). Amy and Jane are dubious. It's still not marriage. They've also heard stories of hospitals and employers refusing to recognize civil unions because they're not marriages.
They check out the law. It's pretty robust; in fact, it's identical to opposite-gender marriage in their state, with two exceptions -- it's called "civil union" instead of "marriage," and it's not recognized federally or by other states. They look at the application and application process. It's identical for all couples, regardless of the genders of the people involved.
In spite of the limitations, they have some good practical reasons to do it. They also begin to get the inkling of a leading to do it. Hmmmm.
In order to register a civil union in State D (have you guessed it yet?), neither of them can be in a domestic partnership, civil union, or marriage with anyone (including each other) in any other jurisdiction. Had the voters of State B not dissolved Amy and Jane's City B domestic partnership for them, Amy and Jane would have to do that now. Potential divorce #4.
If Amy and Jane had registered a legal/civil domestic partnership in State C, they would have to dissolve that now. Potential divorce #5.
But wait, there's more!
In order for their civil union to be legally binding, Jane and Amy have to have another ceremony. They literally have to have another wedding.
Because one wasn't enough.
They complain, but they do it.
Potential divorce #6
Jane and Amy are about to celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary. (Of their first, religious wedding, the one with lots of people and joy and love and community.)
Jane also has a permanent job! There is much rejoicing.
However, for Jane's new job, Amy and Jane have to move again.
Jane and Amy are in a civil union in the state they're living in now...
What do you think, dear readers? Will they need to get divorced and remarried; will this be actual divorce number two? Or by some chance and intersection of laws, since their civil union is nearly identical to marriage, will their civil union transfer?
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode.
Keeping track of it all
I know people who keep a spreadsheet of their various domestic partnerships, civil unions, civil marriages, religious marriage if applicable, and the associated dates.
And what about benefits that are dependent on the date a couple gets married?
No, this isn't equality. No, this isn't justice. No, this isn't full faith and credit, either.
What would solve this
Marriage equality would solve this.
Legal, civil marriage for couples regardless of gender, recognized on the federal level, recognized in all states.
-------------------------------------
Resources:
If so, when's the last time you had to get divorced and remarried just because you moved within the United States?
If you're in an opposite-sex couple and you're married, chances are you got married, and no matter where in the US you've moved, you've stayed married. It's probably never occurred to you to get divorced and remarried just because you were moving to another city or county in your state, or to another state.
Sounds pretty silly, actually, right?
But if you're in a same-sex couple, though, this might sound all too familiar to you:
- If you live in a city or state that offers a legal domestic partnership or civil union, and you move, your current domestic partnership / civil union / etc. is not valid in the city or state where you're moving.
- If by some chance the place where you're moving offers domestic partnership, civil union, or civil marriage, in order to register a new one there, you have to dissolve your current domestic partnership or civil union first.
- In certain jurisdictions, it won't be enough to file the new paperwork; you will have to have another wedding ceremony in order for your domestic partnership / civil union / civil marriage to be legally binding. Going to City Hall and/or appearing before a judge, justice of the peace, the mayor, and signing paperwork will not be enough; you will have to make a separate trip where you have another wedding.
In essence, same-sex couples have to get divorced and remarried every time we move.
(It's possible there are exceptions to this. I don't know of any. Some states and the District of Columbia recognize same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions, but none I know of recognize domestic partnerships or civil unions from other jurisdictions; and many domestic partnership laws and civil union laws are written to be invalid in any other state.)
Let me repeat that:
In essence, same-sex couples have to get divorced and remarried every time we move.
If you're a straight ally to people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, does this idea come as a complete surprise to you? A lot of people I've been talking to lately have been truly shocked to hear this.
And that has surprised me.
A true story of a real couple
Jane and Amy meet, fall in love, the whole nine yards. They move in together. They are led to marry. They have a wonderful wedding in their Quaker meeting / Coven / Grove / backyard / church / synagogue / religious community, with lots of friends and family present.
As part of their discernment process around marriage, they research how best to protect themselves, each other, and their family legally.
Their city has a domestic partnership law. But it turns out it doesn't offer them any protection at all -- since neither of them is a City employee, it's just a piece of paper with the mayor's signature, saying they're domestic partners. It won't let them visit each other in the hospital or make medical decisions for each other, for example, or give each other rights of survivorship if one should die. Jane and Amy also realize that they feel a strong religious leading not to register a domestic partnership or civil union, because it's unequal treatment under the law; they feel led to wait for civil marriage. So they don't register.
With an elder from their religious community, they do go to City Hall to apply for a marriage license, knowing they'll be turned down, to make a point. City Hall clerks refuse to issue them even an application, on the grounds that they're a same-sex couple and therefore can't receive a marriage license.
Jane and Amy do the next-best things to protect themselves and their family legally. They make their wills, their advance directives (living wills), and their health care and financial powers of attorney. They have them witnessed and notarized. They make sure there are copies with their doctors, their multiple cascading attorneys-in-fact, a number of friends and family members, and the office of their Quaker Meeting / church / synagogue / Coven / religious community.
Potential divorce #1
A couple of years go by. Jane changes careers. Jane and Amy move to City B, State B so that Jane can go to graduate school in her field in another state. Amy no longer has insurance through her job, but she can get on Jane's insurance -- if they're registered as domestic partners in their new city. Potential divorce #1. In order to register as domestic partners in City B, they have to dissolve any pre-existing domestic partnerships -- even between the two of them -- in any other jurisdictions. If they had registered as domestic partners in City A, they would now have to dissolve that domestic partnership in order to become domestic partners in City B.
Oh, and while they're at it, they should see a lawyer about the different laws in State B, and re-do their wills, their advance directives, and their health care and financial powers of attorney, then re-distribute the copies of the new ones.
Potential divorce #2; actual divorce #1
Amy and Jane register as domestic partners in City B. While they're living there, a statewide ballot initiative comes before the voters in State B to amend the state constitution to make all domestic partnership laws and domestic partner benefits illegal. Potential divorce #2.
It passes. Actual divorce #1.
Thanks to the work of Jane's employer, and that of many other employers across the state, Amy and many other same-sex partners still have health insurance -- and so do many of those couples' kids, since the ballot initiative also threatened to nullify many second-parent adoptions.
Jane finishes graduate school, and, like many early-career academics, lands a series of post-doctoral teaching and research jobs -- in different states.
Potential divorce #3
Jane and Amy move to City C, State C together. State C has a reasonably strong domestic partnership law. They don't need to register for Amy to have access to Jane's benefits as Jane's partner, they're going to be there a short time, and State C has a good history of hospitals, for example, honoring powers of attorney. They don't have a leading to register or any practical reasons to do so. They don't register.
However, if they had registered, and if the voters of State B hadn't dissolved it for them already, they would have had to dissolve their domestic partnership from City B first. Potential divorce #3.
They should also re-do their wills, their advance directives, and their health care and financial powers of attorney for State C, then re-distribute the copies of the new ones again.
Potential divorces #4 and #5
Jane's job ends, and Jane and Amy move to City D, State D for her next job.
They should re-do their wills, their advance directives, and their health care and financial powers of attorney for State D, then re-distribute the copies of the new ones again.
State D has a civil union law that is court-mandated to offer all the benefits and obligations of marriage ("everything but marriage"). Amy and Jane are dubious. It's still not marriage. They've also heard stories of hospitals and employers refusing to recognize civil unions because they're not marriages.
They check out the law. It's pretty robust; in fact, it's identical to opposite-gender marriage in their state, with two exceptions -- it's called "civil union" instead of "marriage," and it's not recognized federally or by other states. They look at the application and application process. It's identical for all couples, regardless of the genders of the people involved.
In spite of the limitations, they have some good practical reasons to do it. They also begin to get the inkling of a leading to do it. Hmmmm.
In order to register a civil union in State D (have you guessed it yet?), neither of them can be in a domestic partnership, civil union, or marriage with anyone (including each other) in any other jurisdiction. Had the voters of State B not dissolved Amy and Jane's City B domestic partnership for them, Amy and Jane would have to do that now. Potential divorce #4.
If Amy and Jane had registered a legal/civil domestic partnership in State C, they would have to dissolve that now. Potential divorce #5.
But wait, there's more!
In order for their civil union to be legally binding, Jane and Amy have to have another ceremony. They literally have to have another wedding.
Because one wasn't enough.
They complain, but they do it.
Potential divorce #6
Jane and Amy are about to celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary. (Of their first, religious wedding, the one with lots of people and joy and love and community.)
Jane also has a permanent job! There is much rejoicing.
However, for Jane's new job, Amy and Jane have to move again.
Jane and Amy are in a civil union in the state they're living in now...
What do you think, dear readers? Will they need to get divorced and remarried; will this be actual divorce number two? Or by some chance and intersection of laws, since their civil union is nearly identical to marriage, will their civil union transfer?
Stay tuned for the next exciting episode.
Keeping track of it all
I know people who keep a spreadsheet of their various domestic partnerships, civil unions, civil marriages, religious marriage if applicable, and the associated dates.
And what about benefits that are dependent on the date a couple gets married?
No, this isn't equality. No, this isn't justice. No, this isn't full faith and credit, either.
What would solve this
Marriage equality would solve this.
Legal, civil marriage for couples regardless of gender, recognized on the federal level, recognized in all states.
-------------------------------------
Resources:
- Download and customize your state-specific advance directive (living will): http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3289
- American Academy of Pediatrics, Coparent or Second Parent Adoption by Same-Sex Parents, http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;109/2/339
- Freedom to Marry: http://www.freedomtomarry.org/
- Marriage Equality USA: http://www.marriageequality.org/
- Cornell's Legal Information Institute, US Constitution, Article IV text: http://topics.law.cornell.edu/constitution/articleiv
- National Constitution Center, US Constitution, Article IV, Section 1, text and introduction: http://ratify.constitutioncenter.org/constitution/details_explanation.php?link=099&const=04_art_04
- List of marriage, domestic partnership, and civil union laws in different states: http://www.hrc.org/issues/marriage/marriage_laws.asp
Thursday, May 19, 2011
FLGBTQC travel assistance request deadline for FGC Gathering is May 20th
The deadline to request travel assistance from FLGBTQC (Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns) for the 2011 FGC Gathering is May 20th.
Clerks are requesting help in getting the word out, since the newsletter will not be out before the deadline.
If you need the contact information, please let me know.
Clerks are requesting help in getting the word out, since the newsletter will not be out before the deadline.
If you need the contact information, please let me know.
Friday, May 6, 2011
The really fast version of Introduction to Feminist Theory?
From a conversation in another on-line venue. Thoughts?
So, here's a question:
I came to my understanding of dominant culture/minority oppression, connected oppressions, and power systems in society through learning feminist analysis.
I know other people have come to similar understandings through other avenues, as well.
Is there a quick way to communicate basic, essential information about power dynamics and oppression to people who don't have this understanding and who therefore think ALL of it is about equally-valid individual diversity, and not about power differentials?
How can I help people see the institutional power-over, dominant culture/minority oppression issues, more clearly, without taking them through Feminist Theory 101?
Thanks.
So, here's a question:
I came to my understanding of dominant culture/minority oppression, connected oppressions, and power systems in society through learning feminist analysis.
I know other people have come to similar understandings through other avenues, as well.
Is there a quick way to communicate basic, essential information about power dynamics and oppression to people who don't have this understanding and who therefore think ALL of it is about equally-valid individual diversity, and not about power differentials?
How can I help people see the institutional power-over, dominant culture/minority oppression issues, more clearly, without taking them through Feminist Theory 101?
Thanks.
Pagan Coming Out and Pagan Pride
So, May 2nd is Pagan Coming Out Day.
I know very little about the International Pagan Coming Out Day organization (http://pagancomingoutday.com/), so I don't really know how I feel about yet another Pagan holiday / movement borrowing words from / being named from the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer movement.
I am familiar, though, with the International Pagan Pride Project (http://paganpride.org/), which is an excellent organization, and which openly and gratefully acknowledges its debt to the work of the Gay Pride Movement and to all the lesbians, gay men, bisexual women and men, queer women and men, and transgender women and men who have gone before, paved the way, and provided inspiration for the Pagan Pride Movement.
Why are Pagan Pride and coming out important?
They're important for the same reasons as for LGBTQ people, and as they are for the members of any minority group.
Visibility. Survival. Combating discrimination and prejudice. Building community. Building bridges. Education -- sharing the truth with ourselves / each other and with people outside our community. Equality. Integrity. Celebration and joy. Honoring our fabulousness.
Yes, honoring our fabulousness. Honoring and celebrating each other.
Acknowledging and honoring those who have died due to prejudice, bigotry, and discrimination, and working to end them.
Celebrating those of us who are alive, those who have gone before, those of us who work every day to make equality truth and not just words on paper, those of us who live every day in the world walking through our lives as Pagans, in the bright variety of Paganisms that exist all over the world.
Thou art Goddess.
Thou art God.
Thou art Divine.
Thou art Sacred.
Thou art Fabulous.
Blessed be.
I know very little about the International Pagan Coming Out Day organization (http://pagancomingoutday.com/), so I don't really know how I feel about yet another Pagan holiday / movement borrowing words from / being named from the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer movement.
I am familiar, though, with the International Pagan Pride Project (http://paganpride.org/), which is an excellent organization, and which openly and gratefully acknowledges its debt to the work of the Gay Pride Movement and to all the lesbians, gay men, bisexual women and men, queer women and men, and transgender women and men who have gone before, paved the way, and provided inspiration for the Pagan Pride Movement.
Why are Pagan Pride and coming out important?
They're important for the same reasons as for LGBTQ people, and as they are for the members of any minority group.
Visibility. Survival. Combating discrimination and prejudice. Building community. Building bridges. Education -- sharing the truth with ourselves / each other and with people outside our community. Equality. Integrity. Celebration and joy. Honoring our fabulousness.
Yes, honoring our fabulousness. Honoring and celebrating each other.
Acknowledging and honoring those who have died due to prejudice, bigotry, and discrimination, and working to end them.
Celebrating those of us who are alive, those who have gone before, those of us who work every day to make equality truth and not just words on paper, those of us who live every day in the world walking through our lives as Pagans, in the bright variety of Paganisms that exist all over the world.
Thou art Goddess.
Thou art God.
Thou art Divine.
Thou art Sacred.
Thou art Fabulous.
Blessed be.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Recommended article: Tape Flags and First Thoughts: Red Cedar's Experiment with Fragrance-Free Seating
Tape Flags and First Thoughts: Red Cedar's Experiment with Fragrance-Free Seating
Su Penn
Su Penn
Read more...My Quaker meeting is working on accessibility issues related to fragrances, which some people (like me) have sensitivities to and which can also trigger or exacerbate migraines and asthma. It's been a surprisingly vexed conversation over the last six to nine months, and there are a lot of tender feelings...
Anyway, one thing we're experimenting with is designationg one-fourth of the meeting room as fragrance-free seating. This was a hard decision to make...
Blogging Against Disablism: Why I'm tired, why I'm sick, why I feel embraced
When I first read about Blogging Against Disablism/Ablism Day, I knew I wanted to write something for it.
I finally had some time to sit down and write this week, and I spent a little while sitting quietly, not thinking about much, not writing, just being.
Letting my mind go out of focus, then bringing it back to my experience… what really comes to the forefront is just how tired I am.
I finally had some time to sit down and write this week, and I spent a little while sitting quietly, not thinking about much, not writing, just being.
Letting my mind go out of focus, then bringing it back to my experience… what really comes to the forefront is just how tired I am.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Recommended article: Blogging Against Disablism Day: The political and the deeply personal
Recommended article: Blogging Against Disablism Day: The political and the deeply personal
http://blobolobolob.blogspot.com/2011/05/blogging-against-disablism-day.html
Read more...
http://blobolobolob.blogspot.com/2011/05/blogging-against-disablism-day.html
One Blogging Against Disablism Day, I was struggling to update the archive page. When overwhelmed, cognitive dysfunction can deny me access to very basic bits of information – I have forgotten my own name before, let alone my address or telephone number. At this point, I was having trouble listing the contributions in alphabetical order – something lots of people might struggle with when tired. In particular, I couldn't for the life of me work out whether M came before N or vice versa. So I asked my then husband which came first.
A brief exchanged followed. It was impossible that I couldn't remember which came first - I wasn't that stupid. I said that honestly, I couldn't remember, and reached for the dictionary, which I should have done first. Asking might have been quicker, but I had obviously picked a bad moment. My husband got up and punched the back of my laptop screen, cracking the case. For a moment I thought the screen was going to die and I would lose my computer in the middle of BADD. That's why I know what the date was...
Read more...
Monday, April 25, 2011
At tax time, my second-class citizenship rears up and smacks me in the face
Tax time is interesting in our household.
My wife and I are not married as far as the federal government is concerned. Because we're a same-sex couple.
We're married as far as our religion is concerned.
We're everything-but-married as far as the state we live in is concerned -- our state has a civil union law, court-mandated to be everything but marriage in name.
This has some fascinating tax implications.
And they rear up and smack us in the face at tax-time.
If you have health insurance through your employer, and it includes coverage for family members, I urge you to take a quick look at your final paystub for 2010. (Your most recent paystub will do, too.)
On Beloved Wife's paystub, along the bottom, there's a nice little grid that lists current and year-to-date total gross income, federal taxable gross income, total taxes, total deductions, and net pay.
I'd like to draw your attention to total gross income and federal taxable gross income. (Bear with me!)
For us, there's a sizable difference between "total gross income" and "federal taxable gross income" -- for 2010, about $4000. $4000 we never see in her paycheck.
Why?
Because we are not legally married in the eyes of the federal government.
Therefore, the part of my health insurance premium covered by my wife's employer is considered federally taxable income.
We have to pay additional taxes on my health insurance.
Taxes that opposite-sex married couples don't pay. If we were an opposite-gender couple who'd done the exact same things we've done -- just like our next-door neighbors did, in fact -- had a religious wedding in another state with our friends, families, and religious/spiritual communities, and then had a civil wedding at the Boro Hall -- we would not pay taxes on that $4000 for health insurance.
It's right there in black and white, every paycheck.
And it's really obvious at tax-time.
As I mentioned, Beloved Wife and I currently live in a state with an everything-but-marriage civil union law. (And every time we move, we have to dissolve whatever we had where we were living before in order to have whatever the state we're moving to has -- but that's another blog post.)
So we get to file a joint state tax form -- something we've never gotten to do before.
Civil unions in this state confer all the same rights and responsibilities as marriage, but they are most definitely not marriage, they are not recognized as marriages by some hospitals, some employers, or any courts.
But we do get to file jointly. And we do get the same tax rate as civilly married couples. That's nice. And there's one box, marked "Married/civil union," which I also appreciate.
And unlike on the federal level, Beloved Wife's employer's contributions to my health insurance are not taxable income in NJ. That's also nice.
Back to our collective paystubs and W-2s. If you look at your own paystubs or W-2s, you'll find separate boxes for state wages and federal wages.
I'm used to mine being somewhat different, but not dramatically different.
Is this what you, personally, usually think about when you think about marriage equality? Doing your taxes??
How your taxes might be very different but for an accident of whom you can marry under civil law?
Why does this matter? When there are LGBTQ people who lack access to decent health care, who are homeless, who go hungry, who are unemployed, etc? Why do I care about marriage equality, and why am I worried about my tax burden?
Let me ask you this: When was the last time you were homeless or in danger of becoming homeless -- and why?
Would $1200 have made a difference, even in the short term?
This is an area where I have personal and professional experience.
My professional experience is with homeless families as well as with local and regional agencies.
We know the causes of homelessness, folks. They're not a big mystery. And number one is poverty.
An extra $1200 in taxes (or $200, or $500) is, in fact, enough to put someone who's living paycheck to paycheck -- or who is unemployed, as a lot of us are right now -- or who has a chronic illness, or who is uninsured, or who is a single parent, out of their housing.
$1200 can buy medication for someone with a chronic illness or acute medical need. It can also be a major car repair, a week or more of child care, a lot of groceries.
But that's actually the wrong question.
The point is that paying more in taxes because of the gender of my partner is unequal treatment under the law.
It's discrimination, plain and simple.
The point is that justice and equality are not limited -- as if there were a finite amount to be shared, like too little butter scraped over too much bread.
As if equality were a limited resource which we had to fight each other for, to make sure we each got some sliver of.
Oppressions are connected. So are justice and equality connected. And justice and equality feed on justice and equality. We all win when we all win.
The fight for equal treatment under the law encompasses access to basic services, food, shelter, health care, human dignity -- and, yes, marriage equality.
There are people who think that when we've achieved marriage equality, we'll have achieved full civil and social equality. I disagree.
Marriage equality will not make lesbians, gay men, bisexual people, and transgender people fully equal under the law, or in the eyes of society.
Marriage equality is one very important stepping stone along the way. It's not the be-all and end-all -- it's not full equality -- but nonetheless, it's important.
No longer paying taxes on my wife's employer's contribution to my health insurance premiums? That's one place to start.
---------------------
Sources:
My wife and I are not married as far as the federal government is concerned. Because we're a same-sex couple.
We're married as far as our religion is concerned.
We're everything-but-married as far as the state we live in is concerned -- our state has a civil union law, court-mandated to be everything but marriage in name.
This has some fascinating tax implications.
And they rear up and smack us in the face at tax-time.
Additional federal tax burden
If you have health insurance through your employer, and it includes coverage for family members, I urge you to take a quick look at your final paystub for 2010. (Your most recent paystub will do, too.)
On Beloved Wife's paystub, along the bottom, there's a nice little grid that lists current and year-to-date total gross income, federal taxable gross income, total taxes, total deductions, and net pay.
I'd like to draw your attention to total gross income and federal taxable gross income. (Bear with me!)
- On the paystub you're holding, are there separate columns for "total gross income" and "federal taxable gross income"?
- If so, are your "total gross income" and your "federal taxable gross income" different numbers?
- If they are different, do you know why?
- If they are different, by how much? Is it a big difference?
For us, there's a sizable difference between "total gross income" and "federal taxable gross income" -- for 2010, about $4000. $4000 we never see in her paycheck.
Why?
Because we are not legally married in the eyes of the federal government.
Therefore, the part of my health insurance premium covered by my wife's employer is considered federally taxable income.
We have to pay additional taxes on my health insurance.
Taxes that opposite-sex married couples don't pay. If we were an opposite-gender couple who'd done the exact same things we've done -- just like our next-door neighbors did, in fact -- had a religious wedding in another state with our friends, families, and religious/spiritual communities, and then had a civil wedding at the Boro Hall -- we would not pay taxes on that $4000 for health insurance.
It's right there in black and white, every paycheck.
And it's really obvious at tax-time.
Very different federal and state tax returns
As I mentioned, Beloved Wife and I currently live in a state with an everything-but-marriage civil union law. (And every time we move, we have to dissolve whatever we had where we were living before in order to have whatever the state we're moving to has -- but that's another blog post.)
So we get to file a joint state tax form -- something we've never gotten to do before.
Civil unions in this state confer all the same rights and responsibilities as marriage, but they are most definitely not marriage, they are not recognized as marriages by some hospitals, some employers, or any courts.
But we do get to file jointly. And we do get the same tax rate as civilly married couples. That's nice. And there's one box, marked "Married/civil union," which I also appreciate.
And unlike on the federal level, Beloved Wife's employer's contributions to my health insurance are not taxable income in NJ. That's also nice.
Back to our collective paystubs and W-2s. If you look at your own paystubs or W-2s, you'll find separate boxes for state wages and federal wages.
- On your paystubs or W-2s, are your state wages and federal wages different numbers?
- If they are different numbers, how big is the difference? Hundreds of dollars? Thousands of dollars?
I'm used to mine being somewhat different, but not dramatically different.
Is this what you, personally, usually think about when you think about marriage equality? Doing your taxes??
How your taxes might be very different but for an accident of whom you can marry under civil law?
Why does this matter?
Why does this matter? When there are LGBTQ people who lack access to decent health care, who are homeless, who go hungry, who are unemployed, etc? Why do I care about marriage equality, and why am I worried about my tax burden?
Let me ask you this: When was the last time you were homeless or in danger of becoming homeless -- and why?
Would $1200 have made a difference, even in the short term?
This is an area where I have personal and professional experience.
My professional experience is with homeless families as well as with local and regional agencies.
We know the causes of homelessness, folks. They're not a big mystery. And number one is poverty.
An extra $1200 in taxes (or $200, or $500) is, in fact, enough to put someone who's living paycheck to paycheck -- or who is unemployed, as a lot of us are right now -- or who has a chronic illness, or who is uninsured, or who is a single parent, out of their housing.
$1200 can buy medication for someone with a chronic illness or acute medical need. It can also be a major car repair, a week or more of child care, a lot of groceries.
But that's actually the wrong question.
The point is that paying more in taxes because of the gender of my partner is unequal treatment under the law.
It's discrimination, plain and simple.
The point is that justice and equality are not limited -- as if there were a finite amount to be shared, like too little butter scraped over too much bread.
As if equality were a limited resource which we had to fight each other for, to make sure we each got some sliver of.
Oppressions are connected. So are justice and equality connected. And justice and equality feed on justice and equality. We all win when we all win.
The fight for equal treatment under the law encompasses access to basic services, food, shelter, health care, human dignity -- and, yes, marriage equality.
There are people who think that when we've achieved marriage equality, we'll have achieved full civil and social equality. I disagree.
Marriage equality will not make lesbians, gay men, bisexual people, and transgender people fully equal under the law, or in the eyes of society.
Marriage equality is one very important stepping stone along the way. It's not the be-all and end-all -- it's not full equality -- but nonetheless, it's important.
No longer paying taxes on my wife's employer's contribution to my health insurance premiums? That's one place to start.
---------------------
Sources:
- IRS Publication 15-B (2011), Employer's Tax Guide to Fringe Benefits, http://www.irs.gov/publications/p15b/ar02.html#en_US_2011_publink1000193623
- New Jersey Civil Union Act, New Jersey Department of Taxation, http://www.state.nj.us/treasury/taxation/civilunionact.shtml
- New Jersey Civil Unions, Garden State Equality, http://www.gardenstateequality.org/issues/civil.html
- New Jersey Marriage Equality, Garden State Equality, http://www.gardenstateequality.org/issues/marriage.html
- Why Are People Homeless?, National Coalition for the Homeless: http://www.nationalhomeless.org/factsheets/why.html
- Federal Definition of Homeless, US Department of Housing and Urban Development, http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/topics/homelessness/definition
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Third Annual International Pagan Values Blogging and Podcasting Month
Pax over at Chrysalis is organizing the Third Annual International Pagan Values Blogging and Podcasting Month, in June 2011.
I've participated in this in the past, and I encourage other Pagan writers, bloggers, and podcasters to do so. Not only have I appreciated the chance to examine my own Pagan values, I've appreciated reading about other Pagans' explicitly Pagan values.
If you don't have your own blog, consider a Facebook note. I'd also be willing to consider a guest post, or several, here.
Pax writes:
For more information:
Thanks, Pax!
I've participated in this in the past, and I encourage other Pagan writers, bloggers, and podcasters to do so. Not only have I appreciated the chance to examine my own Pagan values, I've appreciated reading about other Pagans' explicitly Pagan values.
If you don't have your own blog, consider a Facebook note. I'd also be willing to consider a guest post, or several, here.
Pax writes:
Friends,
We must not be afraid to discuss the values and virtues and ethics we have discovered in our contemporary Pagan faiths. There are enough books on rituals and spells and prayers to last us a few generations… lets start writing works on confronting poverty and hunger from Pagan perspectives. Let us set aside the fear of prejudice, and the once glamorous but now tattered and worn mantle of the outsider and the rebel, and take pride in ourselves and our faiths, in our works and lives and worship and in our Pagan communities and our larger communities.
You can learn more about the event by going here, http://paganvalues.wordpress.com/about/
When you get your contribution written/recorded and posted in June put a link to it in the comments stream here. Tags such as "PVE2011" and "Pagan Values" are also encouraged.
If you feel so moved, please share this event with any and all you feel would like the opportunity to share with the global Pagan community.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Pax
Witchery = "witch*er*y/ n. 1 witchcraft. 2. power exercised by beauty or eloquence or the like." ~Oxford American Dictionary of Current English New American Edition (2000)
http://chrysalis1witchesjourney.wordpress.com/
For more information:
- The event on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=218455848171650
- The Pagan Values Blogject: http://paganvalues.wordpress.com/
- Chrysalis, One Pagan's Journey: http://chrysalis1witchesjourney.wordpress.com/
Thanks, Pax!
Friday, April 1, 2011
Closing Minute of Midwinter Gathering 2011 [of FLGBTQC]
Closing Minute of Midwinter Gathering 2011
As F/friends arrived at Summit Conference Center in Haw Rivers State Park near Greensboro, NC for the annual Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns Midwinter Gathering of Friends 2011, there were warm greetings and welcome hugs for both long-time and first-time attenders. Friends looked forward to exploring together the planning committee’s theme, “Reclaiming the Past – Proclaiming the Future.”
Two panel presentations, one led by older seasoned Friends of the FLGBTQC community and a second led by younger seasoned Friends, helped us first begin the process of reclaiming our past, and then considering what we might proclaim for our future. We were moved by stories of the faithful and powerful witness of early members of this community who made it possible for us to grow more closely into who God calls us to be today. We were equally moved by younger F/friends who boldly challenged us to joyfully move into our future, asking who might still be waiting to be welcomed to our table. They invited us to continue to grow in Spirit, faithfulness, and as a beloved community that is called to be radically inclusive by witnessing to the both the oppressed and the oppressor with radical love.
During meetings for worship, worship sharing, memorial meeting, and meetings for worship with attention to business, we became aware of the breath of the Spirit moving among us, ministering through us and to us, giving us glimpses of a vision we seek. We were challenged to continue in Friends’ rich tradition of walking cheerfully in the world (even in places that may not be welcoming or safe),
seeking and speaking to that of God in everyone. There is still work to be done.
We sought ways to include our youngest members more fully in our community, welcoming them into our worship. And during meals, over puzzles and card games, while walking in the beauty of the state park, during precious one-to-one conversations, dancing together, and joyfully celebrating during the talent show and auction, we all have continued to deepen and broaden this beloved community –
rooted and grounded in Divine Love and Joy.
We ask ourselves, “What is it we are called to proclaim for the future?” Perhaps it is the same Truth that early Friends proclaimed, that early members of our FLGBTQC community felt led to build upon, that we too feel planted in our hearts. We are invited by That Which Has No Name to live in the radically inclusive Love offered freely to us with each breath, and to find ways to share it with each other and the world. We have celebrated where we have been and where we are today, and we look forward to a time when we will even more closely reflect who we are called to be. Opportunities of radical Love are always before us, and our work will continue as we leave this beloved community to return to our homes, our meetings, and the wider world.
Our business coming to a close, we now adjourn planning to meet again Seventh Month 3 to 10 at the 2011 Summer Gathering of Friends General Conference at Grinnell College in Grinnell, IA.
Deborah Fisch, co-clerk
As F/friends arrived at Summit Conference Center in Haw Rivers State Park near Greensboro, NC for the annual Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns Midwinter Gathering of Friends 2011, there were warm greetings and welcome hugs for both long-time and first-time attenders. Friends looked forward to exploring together the planning committee’s theme, “Reclaiming the Past – Proclaiming the Future.”
Two panel presentations, one led by older seasoned Friends of the FLGBTQC community and a second led by younger seasoned Friends, helped us first begin the process of reclaiming our past, and then considering what we might proclaim for our future. We were moved by stories of the faithful and powerful witness of early members of this community who made it possible for us to grow more closely into who God calls us to be today. We were equally moved by younger F/friends who boldly challenged us to joyfully move into our future, asking who might still be waiting to be welcomed to our table. They invited us to continue to grow in Spirit, faithfulness, and as a beloved community that is called to be radically inclusive by witnessing to the both the oppressed and the oppressor with radical love.
During meetings for worship, worship sharing, memorial meeting, and meetings for worship with attention to business, we became aware of the breath of the Spirit moving among us, ministering through us and to us, giving us glimpses of a vision we seek. We were challenged to continue in Friends’ rich tradition of walking cheerfully in the world (even in places that may not be welcoming or safe),
seeking and speaking to that of God in everyone. There is still work to be done.
We sought ways to include our youngest members more fully in our community, welcoming them into our worship. And during meals, over puzzles and card games, while walking in the beauty of the state park, during precious one-to-one conversations, dancing together, and joyfully celebrating during the talent show and auction, we all have continued to deepen and broaden this beloved community –
rooted and grounded in Divine Love and Joy.
We ask ourselves, “What is it we are called to proclaim for the future?” Perhaps it is the same Truth that early Friends proclaimed, that early members of our FLGBTQC community felt led to build upon, that we too feel planted in our hearts. We are invited by That Which Has No Name to live in the radically inclusive Love offered freely to us with each breath, and to find ways to share it with each other and the world. We have celebrated where we have been and where we are today, and we look forward to a time when we will even more closely reflect who we are called to be. Opportunities of radical Love are always before us, and our work will continue as we leave this beloved community to return to our homes, our meetings, and the wider world.
Our business coming to a close, we now adjourn planning to meet again Seventh Month 3 to 10 at the 2011 Summer Gathering of Friends General Conference at Grinnell College in Grinnell, IA.
Deborah Fisch, co-clerk
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Please read this article: Jason Pitzl-Waters' "A Pagan at Work"
Short version: Please read this article. It will take you two minutes, and it will help you understand the reality of my life, and the lives of many other ordinary Pagans, a lot better.
Explanation:
I've written here, and spoken on many other occasions, about the discrimination many Pagans face in daily life.
What always gets me is when non-Pagans just plain don't believe me. It's as if some folks think I, and other Pagans, just make this shit up.
On Monday, MSNBC broke the story of Carole A. Smith, whose firing from her job with the TSA seems to involve all sorts of things:
But the most public part is her being a Witch.
Smith's situation has resonated with a lot of Pagans in the US, for a lot of reasons.
Including the fact that almost all of us have experienced at least some of what she has at work.
I certainly have. On more than one occasion.
But... there's more.
Jason says it better than I do.
Jason Pitzl-Waters, a regular writer at the Washington Post's "On Faith" (Religion and Politics) section, has an excellent piece in today's paper about what's happening to Smith -- and what happens to us all, at work every day, and in the rest of our lives, every day.
Thank you, Jason.
Please, take a minute and read Jason's article. I, personally, would really appreciate it.
A Pagan at Work
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith/post/a-pagan-at-work/2011/03/29/AFk3jhAC_blog.html
Explanation:
I've written here, and spoken on many other occasions, about the discrimination many Pagans face in daily life.
What always gets me is when non-Pagans just plain don't believe me. It's as if some folks think I, and other Pagans, just make this shit up.
On Monday, MSNBC broke the story of Carole A. Smith, whose firing from her job with the TSA seems to involve all sorts of things:
- outright religious bigotry;
- different treatment on the basis of religious identification ("If someone complains to you, he's Jewish, and refers to a stereotype about his Judaism, go to mediation and work it out? Is that management's response to that?" "No. That would not be management's response to that");
- retaliation for whistle-blowing;
- sexism ("She was emotional");
- union-busting;
But the most public part is her being a Witch.
Smith's situation has resonated with a lot of Pagans in the US, for a lot of reasons.
Including the fact that almost all of us have experienced at least some of what she has at work.
I certainly have. On more than one occasion.
But... there's more.
Jason says it better than I do.
Jason Pitzl-Waters, a regular writer at the Washington Post's "On Faith" (Religion and Politics) section, has an excellent piece in today's paper about what's happening to Smith -- and what happens to us all, at work every day, and in the rest of our lives, every day.
Thank you, Jason.
Please, take a minute and read Jason's article. I, personally, would really appreciate it.
A Pagan at Work
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith/post/a-pagan-at-work/2011/03/29/AFk3jhAC_blog.html
Action Needed to Save Our Washington State Parks
I recently received this letter from the Washington State Parks Foundation (http://washingtonstateparksfoundation.org/). I've camped in WA State Parks, have visited them for other reasons, and in general think they're wonderful.
Having no revenue for the State Parks System in the State budget is a BIG problem for WA State Parks. Please consider a way you can help -- especially time or money, and calling the governor and your representative.
Thank you.
URGENT LETTER FROM THE CHAIR
Dear Friends of State Parks,
Saint Patrick’s Day has come and gone, but there was no pot of gold in the State Revenue Forecast. While the numbers were not as bad as some had feared, the hole in the State Budget is now $500 million deeper.
Gov. Gregoire proposed no general revenue for State Parks in her budget. The only option to preserve our cherished system of State Parks, which turned 98 years old last week, is a revenue package. However, a super majority of 66% in both the House and Senate must agree to raise taxes. The prospect for a tax increase by this legislature is nil.
So, the choice is stark … close more than 100 of our 119 State Parks or charge a user fee. Washington State Parks can only survive with help from their friends.
Sen. Kevin Ranker has been leading the efforts to fund State Parks through a $30.00 Discover Pass. The Discover Pass would allow the holder to access all State Parks, Fish & Wildlife and Dept. of Natural Resource lands for a full year. The pass is estimated to generate $71 million for outdoor recreation in Washington, with 84% going to State Parks. The cost for a single day pass would be $10.00 per vehicle.
Passage of the Discover Pass is not a certainty and a decision likely will come in the final days of the legislature. Already, competing interests are carving out exemptions and loopholes to weaken the impact upon Parks. The Discover Pass should be simple to understand, and not a mish-mash of differing fees.
I ask you to contact your senator and legislators and urge them to support the Discover Pass and to keep the bill simple. You can call the legislature at 1-800-562-6000 or send your senator or representative an email by visiting http://www.leg.wa.gov/pages/home.aspx.
As the WA State Parks Foundation prepares to celebrate the State Parks Centennial in 2013, I’m sure you can agree that the worst legacy for future generations would be to close 100 parks and privatize others. We cannot allow this to happen, and the time to act is now.
I also hope that you will consider supporting the Foundation. Please visit our website at www.washingtonstateparksfoundation.org to become one of the thousands of contributors to the Foundation’s efforts. Your support of $50, $100 or more will help us leave a legacy for future generations like the one our forefathers left us; the treasure that is the Washington State Parks system. Please help!
Sincerely,
Sam Garst, Chair
Washington State Parks Foundation
Having no revenue for the State Parks System in the State budget is a BIG problem for WA State Parks. Please consider a way you can help -- especially time or money, and calling the governor and your representative.
Thank you.
URGENT LETTER FROM THE CHAIR
Dear Friends of State Parks,
Saint Patrick’s Day has come and gone, but there was no pot of gold in the State Revenue Forecast. While the numbers were not as bad as some had feared, the hole in the State Budget is now $500 million deeper.
Gov. Gregoire proposed no general revenue for State Parks in her budget. The only option to preserve our cherished system of State Parks, which turned 98 years old last week, is a revenue package. However, a super majority of 66% in both the House and Senate must agree to raise taxes. The prospect for a tax increase by this legislature is nil.
So, the choice is stark … close more than 100 of our 119 State Parks or charge a user fee. Washington State Parks can only survive with help from their friends.
Sen. Kevin Ranker has been leading the efforts to fund State Parks through a $30.00 Discover Pass. The Discover Pass would allow the holder to access all State Parks, Fish & Wildlife and Dept. of Natural Resource lands for a full year. The pass is estimated to generate $71 million for outdoor recreation in Washington, with 84% going to State Parks. The cost for a single day pass would be $10.00 per vehicle.
Passage of the Discover Pass is not a certainty and a decision likely will come in the final days of the legislature. Already, competing interests are carving out exemptions and loopholes to weaken the impact upon Parks. The Discover Pass should be simple to understand, and not a mish-mash of differing fees.
I ask you to contact your senator and legislators and urge them to support the Discover Pass and to keep the bill simple. You can call the legislature at 1-800-562-6000 or send your senator or representative an email by visiting http://www.leg.wa.gov/pages/home.aspx.
As the WA State Parks Foundation prepares to celebrate the State Parks Centennial in 2013, I’m sure you can agree that the worst legacy for future generations would be to close 100 parks and privatize others. We cannot allow this to happen, and the time to act is now.
I also hope that you will consider supporting the Foundation. Please visit our website at www.washingtonstateparksfoundation.org to become one of the thousands of contributors to the Foundation’s efforts. Your support of $50, $100 or more will help us leave a legacy for future generations like the one our forefathers left us; the treasure that is the Washington State Parks system. Please help!
Sincerely,
Sam Garst, Chair
Washington State Parks Foundation
Monday, March 28, 2011
A note about the Epistle: please share it!
Please share the Epistle!
It's vitally important to get the word out that there are communities of faith that are affirming of lesbians, bisexual people, gay men, transgender people, and queer people.
Please help spread that word.
If you are a Friend, please share FLGBTQC's Epistle with any Quaker groups with which you have a relationship -- your Monthly Meeting, Yearly Meeting, (Quarterly or Half-Yearly if they're active,) any Quaker email lists you're on, etc.
If you're a member of another faith community, please feel free to share it there.
Do you blog, or LiveJournal, or DreamWidth, etc? Twitter? Buzz? If the Epistle spoke to you, please consider sharing it there.
It's also been posted on Facebook; you can share it there.
You can link to it directly from the page at FLGBTQC:
http://flgbtqc.quaker.org/2011epistle.html
You can forward it from the posting on my blog (see the buttons at the end of the post).
Thank you!
It's vitally important to get the word out that there are communities of faith that are affirming of lesbians, bisexual people, gay men, transgender people, and queer people.
Please help spread that word.
If you are a Friend, please share FLGBTQC's Epistle with any Quaker groups with which you have a relationship -- your Monthly Meeting, Yearly Meeting, (Quarterly or Half-Yearly if they're active,) any Quaker email lists you're on, etc.
If you're a member of another faith community, please feel free to share it there.
Do you blog, or LiveJournal, or DreamWidth, etc? Twitter? Buzz? If the Epistle spoke to you, please consider sharing it there.
It's also been posted on Facebook; you can share it there.
You can link to it directly from the page at FLGBTQC:
http://flgbtqc.quaker.org/2011epistle.html
You can forward it from the posting on my blog (see the buttons at the end of the post).
Thank you!
An Epistle from Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns, Midwinter Gathering 2011
An Epistle from Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns
Midwinter Gathering 2011
To All Friends Everywhere,
We send you love from Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns Midwinter Gathering, held from February 18-21st, 2011 in Browns Summit, North Carolina.
There was a time when we could not say our name. We dared not say our name -- even in the Religious Society of Friends. We were the Committee of Concern. This community has grown up around the concept of “radical inclusion” – the willingness to welcome new and different kinds of people into our community even when we had not expected them, recognizing the expansion of our understanding of who we are as a form of continuing revelation. Some of those who helped form this community continue to actively be a part of our community, for which we are blessed. Others have moved on. Still others have passed on. Yet all these Friends are still very much with us, standing in their own integrity, and calling us into our own.
We came together once again to witness to the power of radical love and radical inclusion to transform and sustain us spiritually – both individually and as a community and to discern how we are called to deepen our commitment to that call. Framed by our theme, “Reclaiming our Past; Proclaiming our Future,” we heard stories of what happens when we do this well. When we are faithful, we recognize that love is a practice, that in relationship we reveal and discover our true selves. We share the stories and truth emerging from our lives; when needed, we say to one another, “You’re standing on my foot! Please get off!” And then we talk about it. We experience the gifts of receiving and giving love that is shaped by the quirks and flavors of each of our individual essences; in so doing, we invite each other into wholeness, greater integrity, a fuller understanding of who we are as a community, and even greater integrity, and thus the cycle begins again.
As we shared our truths with one another in worship, Spirit revealed to and through us how wholeness, community, love, and integrity are intimately intertwined with each other. As one Friend said, “With Quakers, I cannot lie about who I am.” He spoke about how Friends from this community “kicked me out of the closet” – not through violence, but through holding him to a higher standard of integrity and by loving him for exactly who he is. Another Friend gazed into the eyes of each speaker on a panel of our elders, expressing how she could feel the flavor of each life moving through her, transforming her. A third urged that in an unsafe and sometimes hostile world, we must nevertheless go cheerfully where we are led, understanding that only as we bring our full selves forward can we make the world safer for those who will follow. A fourth speaker, an attender for whom this gathering was hir* first experience of Quakerism, spoke powerfully at the end of the gathering of how way had opened for hir* to be here, and a sense of how “I am supposed to be where I am right now. Life is overwhelming but I can do it.” Young and young adult Friends spoke deeply of the condition of a continuum of sexual and gender identities and the urgent necessity of a place of full and unconditional love and acceptance to call forth one’s true self. They spoke of the blessing of a safe space where they could be fully known, of the feeling that FLGBTQC was a place where there was no “card check,” where all were welcome, warts and all, where they could bring their whole selves forward.
We also know our own stories of the pain it inflicts when radical love and inclusion are absent – experienced within this community and others. We know that we have work to do to more faithfully practice radical love and inclusion with people of color and Young Adult Friends and Young Friends, and those who may yearn for but not be aware of or have access to our community.
We ask for the prayers of all Friends everywhere as we do our work, and we ask you, as way opens, to support us and join with us in our struggle. We offer you our unfolding witness and testimony to the power of radical love and inclusion in this community and an invitation to join in this experience at gatherings in the future. Co-clerks can be reached via telephone at 267-270-2315 or email at flgbtqc@gmail.com. Our website is http://flgbtqc.quaker.org/.
On behalf of Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns,
Deborah Fisch, Co-Clerk
Kody Hersh, Co-Clerk
* Many people who identify as neither men nor women prefer to be referred to by non-gendered pronouns, and this attender is among those people. The word "hir" in this case is grammatically equivalent to "her" as the possessive ("this is hir [item]") and object form ("I gave it to hir") but carries no connotation of a female or male gender.
Midwinter Gathering 2011
To All Friends Everywhere,
We send you love from Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns Midwinter Gathering, held from February 18-21st, 2011 in Browns Summit, North Carolina.
There was a time when we could not say our name. We dared not say our name -- even in the Religious Society of Friends. We were the Committee of Concern. This community has grown up around the concept of “radical inclusion” – the willingness to welcome new and different kinds of people into our community even when we had not expected them, recognizing the expansion of our understanding of who we are as a form of continuing revelation. Some of those who helped form this community continue to actively be a part of our community, for which we are blessed. Others have moved on. Still others have passed on. Yet all these Friends are still very much with us, standing in their own integrity, and calling us into our own.
We came together once again to witness to the power of radical love and radical inclusion to transform and sustain us spiritually – both individually and as a community and to discern how we are called to deepen our commitment to that call. Framed by our theme, “Reclaiming our Past; Proclaiming our Future,” we heard stories of what happens when we do this well. When we are faithful, we recognize that love is a practice, that in relationship we reveal and discover our true selves. We share the stories and truth emerging from our lives; when needed, we say to one another, “You’re standing on my foot! Please get off!” And then we talk about it. We experience the gifts of receiving and giving love that is shaped by the quirks and flavors of each of our individual essences; in so doing, we invite each other into wholeness, greater integrity, a fuller understanding of who we are as a community, and even greater integrity, and thus the cycle begins again.
As we shared our truths with one another in worship, Spirit revealed to and through us how wholeness, community, love, and integrity are intimately intertwined with each other. As one Friend said, “With Quakers, I cannot lie about who I am.” He spoke about how Friends from this community “kicked me out of the closet” – not through violence, but through holding him to a higher standard of integrity and by loving him for exactly who he is. Another Friend gazed into the eyes of each speaker on a panel of our elders, expressing how she could feel the flavor of each life moving through her, transforming her. A third urged that in an unsafe and sometimes hostile world, we must nevertheless go cheerfully where we are led, understanding that only as we bring our full selves forward can we make the world safer for those who will follow. A fourth speaker, an attender for whom this gathering was hir* first experience of Quakerism, spoke powerfully at the end of the gathering of how way had opened for hir* to be here, and a sense of how “I am supposed to be where I am right now. Life is overwhelming but I can do it.” Young and young adult Friends spoke deeply of the condition of a continuum of sexual and gender identities and the urgent necessity of a place of full and unconditional love and acceptance to call forth one’s true self. They spoke of the blessing of a safe space where they could be fully known, of the feeling that FLGBTQC was a place where there was no “card check,” where all were welcome, warts and all, where they could bring their whole selves forward.
We also know our own stories of the pain it inflicts when radical love and inclusion are absent – experienced within this community and others. We know that we have work to do to more faithfully practice radical love and inclusion with people of color and Young Adult Friends and Young Friends, and those who may yearn for but not be aware of or have access to our community.
We ask for the prayers of all Friends everywhere as we do our work, and we ask you, as way opens, to support us and join with us in our struggle. We offer you our unfolding witness and testimony to the power of radical love and inclusion in this community and an invitation to join in this experience at gatherings in the future. Co-clerks can be reached via telephone at 267-270-2315 or email at flgbtqc@gmail.com. Our website is http://flgbtqc.quaker.org/.
On behalf of Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Concerns,
Deborah Fisch, Co-Clerk
Kody Hersh, Co-Clerk
* Many people who identify as neither men nor women prefer to be referred to by non-gendered pronouns, and this attender is among those people. The word "hir" in this case is grammatically equivalent to "her" as the possessive ("this is hir [item]") and object form ("I gave it to hir") but carries no connotation of a female or male gender.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Deaths of two elders: Margaret Hope Bacon and Merlin Stone
Beloved Quaker historian/herstorian Margaret Hope Bacon recently died.
I knew Margaret from the Meeting where I first came to Quakerism. She was an amazing woman as well as a wonderful historian. She also told women's untold herstories.
I believe every modern Goddess worshiper, Pagan, Witch, Feminist Witch, and feminist should read Mothers of Feminism... at least once. :)
Margaret's obituary in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
http://www.philly.com/philly/obituaries/20110227_Historian_inspired_by_lives_dedicated_to_good.html?viewAll=y
Beloved (and controversial) elder, author, and scholar Merlin Stone also died recently. When God Was a Woman still remains one of the most essentially thought-provoking books ever for many women when it comes to religion and spirituality.
They are both sorely missed; but so many give thanks for their long lives, well-lived.
I knew Margaret from the Meeting where I first came to Quakerism. She was an amazing woman as well as a wonderful historian. She also told women's untold herstories.
I believe every modern Goddess worshiper, Pagan, Witch, Feminist Witch, and feminist should read Mothers of Feminism... at least once. :)
Margaret's obituary in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
http://www.philly.com/philly/obituaries/20110227_Historian_inspired_by_lives_dedicated_to_good.html?viewAll=y
Beloved (and controversial) elder, author, and scholar Merlin Stone also died recently. When God Was a Woman still remains one of the most essentially thought-provoking books ever for many women when it comes to religion and spirituality.
They are both sorely missed; but so many give thanks for their long lives, well-lived.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
from CPT: "Walk the walk—CPT seeks applicants for Peacemaker Corps"
CPTnet
19 March 2011
*CPT INTERNATIONAL: Walk the walk—CPT seeks applicants for Peacemaker
Corps*
CPT Announces Summer 2011 Peacemaker Corps Training in Chicago, IL USA, 15 July through 15 August 2011. Applicants must have participated in a CPT delegation or equivalent CPT experience before June 2011.
Full-time, and part-time positions with stipends are available, especially for the Palestine project, to start as early as September 2011.
Please send your Peacemaker Corps application to the Chicago office by May 1, mailing address P.O. Box 6508; Chicago, IL USA 60680; or fax: +1-773-376-0549; or
e-mail: personnel@cpt.org
CPT delegation and Peacemaker Corps Applications can be found online:
http://www.cpt.org/participate/peacemaker
CPT delegation dates and locations can also be found online:
http://www.cpt.org/participate/delegation/schedule
19 March 2011
*CPT INTERNATIONAL: Walk the walk—CPT seeks applicants for Peacemaker
Corps*
CPT Announces Summer 2011 Peacemaker Corps Training in Chicago, IL USA, 15 July through 15 August 2011. Applicants must have participated in a CPT delegation or equivalent CPT experience before June 2011.
Full-time, and part-time positions with stipends are available, especially for the Palestine project, to start as early as September 2011.
Please send your Peacemaker Corps application to the Chicago office by May 1, mailing address P.O. Box 6508; Chicago, IL USA 60680; or fax: +1-773-376-0549; or
e-mail: personnel@cpt.org
CPT delegation and Peacemaker Corps Applications can be found online:
http://www.cpt.org/participate/peacemaker
CPT delegation dates and locations can also be found online:
http://www.cpt.org/participate/delegation/schedule
Notes from FLGBTQC Mid-Winter Gathering
notes from my Book of Shadows (spiritual notebook) from the 2011 Mid-Winter Gathering of Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns.
As soon as our Epistle is available, I will post it here. - sm
Meeting for Worship Sunday
the idea that one "ought" to write, blog, etc., from love rather than from anger
--> anger springs from love, is a sign that something needs to change --> I would not be angry if i did not love
--> would not be angry on my own behalf if not for self-love; would not be angry on behalf of my Quaker communities if I did not love Quakerism or my Pagan communities if I did not love Paganism and if I did not love the Goddess (each other, this beautiful Earth)
writing about being at FLGBTQC Mid-Winter and my experience being here
--> what is it that is so wonderful about FLGBTQC? it's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it, or to someone who's come and who's maybe been put off by another who's rubbed them the wrong way
-- so far this weekend, we've talked quite a bit about this community as someplace where we feel known, with our imperfections, and loved
-- I certainly feel this way
-- worship
-- worship for business
(-- no "card check" at the door)
reminder from worship: community is one of the testimonies
large-group worship sharing
how we collectively hold the integrity and centeredness of our worship as something important
-- conversations I've had today with Friends about how theaological diversity, and sharing that with each other, is one of the gifts of FLGBTQC
--> these two things -- integrity and centeredness of Quaker worship, and theaological diversity -- are not in conflict; but rather, they complement and enrich each other
I am hearing: it is important to ask to be held in the Light on the list-serv
*post the intergenerational worship post on the blog --> radical inclusion
Singing the Goddess
(fun!)
As soon as our Epistle is available, I will post it here. - sm
Meeting for Worship Sunday
the idea that one "ought" to write, blog, etc., from love rather than from anger
--> anger springs from love, is a sign that something needs to change --> I would not be angry if i did not love
--> would not be angry on my own behalf if not for self-love; would not be angry on behalf of my Quaker communities if I did not love Quakerism or my Pagan communities if I did not love Paganism and if I did not love the Goddess (each other, this beautiful Earth)
writing about being at FLGBTQC Mid-Winter and my experience being here
--> what is it that is so wonderful about FLGBTQC? it's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it, or to someone who's come and who's maybe been put off by another who's rubbed them the wrong way
-- so far this weekend, we've talked quite a bit about this community as someplace where we feel known, with our imperfections, and loved
-- I certainly feel this way
-- worship
-- worship for business
(-- no "card check" at the door)
reminder from worship: community is one of the testimonies
large-group worship sharing
how we collectively hold the integrity and centeredness of our worship as something important
-- conversations I've had today with Friends about how theaological diversity, and sharing that with each other, is one of the gifts of FLGBTQC
--> these two things -- integrity and centeredness of Quaker worship, and theaological diversity -- are not in conflict; but rather, they complement and enrich each other
I am hearing: it is important to ask to be held in the Light on the list-serv
*post the intergenerational worship post on the blog --> radical inclusion
Singing the Goddess
(fun!)
Monday, March 21, 2011
Happy Eostara!
Happy Spring Equinox!
So here we are, on the balance point between Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice. We are half-way between the longest night of the year and the longest day of the year -- between the day with the most hours of darkness and the day with the most hours of light; between the day with the fewest hours of light and the day with the fewest hours of darkness. Between the shortest day and the shortest night.
We're also halfway between Brigid, when the days first are really noticeably longer, and Beltane, when spring springs forth with great energy and abandon.
I've lived most of my life in the Mid-Atlantic region of the US, but I lived for several years in other parts of the country -- the Midwest, the Pacific Northwest -- and I paid close attention to the progression of the seasons there, too. Even in the Mid-Atlantic, just between the city where I grew up and the city where I've lived the longest, which are a scant 100 miles apart, there's a difference in how quickly spring comes.
But everywhere I've lived, there's a noticeable difference right now. Even my last year in Michigan, when it snowed on Spring Equinox (and then again at the end of March!), Spring was still very clearly on Her way.
I've had eggs on my mind for the last week.
And rabbits.
And chocolate.
And cardinals. There's a mated pair in our neighborhood, and not only have they finally, finally discovered our bird feeder, they even sometimes come to it together. This brings me happiness.
There are crocuses in the communal lawn, and shoots poking their green heads up through the earth all over the place. I've seen some snowdrops.
Our neighbors' baby is no longer a newborn, but well into infancy.
Driving to the Roses, Too! Spring Equinox potluck yesterday, I saw a few sheltered daffodils starting to bloom, and lots of forsythia blooming alongside the road.
The temperatures were in the 70s F on Friday, in the 50s F over the weekend. And thet will dip down to freezing overnight, with snow flurries possible.
Yes, we are on the balance point.
What signs in nature tell you we're on the balance point between Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice, between Brigid and Beltane?
What's happening in your own spiritual life that reflects what's happening in nature?
How are you still stuck in the cocoon or shell of winter?
What environment are you emerging into?
How are you transformed as you emerge from your shell or your cocoon into spring?
So here we are, on the balance point between Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice. We are half-way between the longest night of the year and the longest day of the year -- between the day with the most hours of darkness and the day with the most hours of light; between the day with the fewest hours of light and the day with the fewest hours of darkness. Between the shortest day and the shortest night.
We're also halfway between Brigid, when the days first are really noticeably longer, and Beltane, when spring springs forth with great energy and abandon.
I've lived most of my life in the Mid-Atlantic region of the US, but I lived for several years in other parts of the country -- the Midwest, the Pacific Northwest -- and I paid close attention to the progression of the seasons there, too. Even in the Mid-Atlantic, just between the city where I grew up and the city where I've lived the longest, which are a scant 100 miles apart, there's a difference in how quickly spring comes.
But everywhere I've lived, there's a noticeable difference right now. Even my last year in Michigan, when it snowed on Spring Equinox (and then again at the end of March!), Spring was still very clearly on Her way.
I've had eggs on my mind for the last week.
And rabbits.
And chocolate.
And cardinals. There's a mated pair in our neighborhood, and not only have they finally, finally discovered our bird feeder, they even sometimes come to it together. This brings me happiness.
There are crocuses in the communal lawn, and shoots poking their green heads up through the earth all over the place. I've seen some snowdrops.
Our neighbors' baby is no longer a newborn, but well into infancy.
Driving to the Roses, Too! Spring Equinox potluck yesterday, I saw a few sheltered daffodils starting to bloom, and lots of forsythia blooming alongside the road.
The temperatures were in the 70s F on Friday, in the 50s F over the weekend. And thet will dip down to freezing overnight, with snow flurries possible.
Yes, we are on the balance point.
What signs in nature tell you we're on the balance point between Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice, between Brigid and Beltane?
What's happening in your own spiritual life that reflects what's happening in nature?
How are you still stuck in the cocoon or shell of winter?
What environment are you emerging into?
How are you transformed as you emerge from your shell or your cocoon into spring?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
About Sarah's poem
I first heard Sarah Leuze's poem "In Wildness" read aloud at this year's Mid-Winter Gathering of Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns. Read out loud in a powerful voice by someone who loved and loves her very much.
It blew me away. My breath caught. Tears came to my eyes. I knew right away this was the poem I'd been waiting for, for this year's on-line Brigid poetry festival.
I'm grateful to Robert for permission to reprint it here.
p.s. For a copy of Sarah Leuze: a collection of her poetry, fiction, and a memoir - with photos and biographical notes, please contact her estate, below.
It blew me away. My breath caught. Tears came to my eyes. I knew right away this was the poem I'd been waiting for, for this year's on-line Brigid poetry festival.
I'm grateful to Robert for permission to reprint it here.
p.s. For a copy of Sarah Leuze: a collection of her poetry, fiction, and a memoir - with photos and biographical notes, please contact her estate, below.
Poetry for Brigid: "In Wildness," Sarah Leuze
In Wildness
You do not have to suffer.
You do not have to mimic the great martyrs.
You do not even have to know who you are.
You only have to be happy in the wild beauty of the world;
You only have to love what you love, unfettered and unfurled.
Let the untamed call of the loons come to you from across the lake in the afternoon;
Hear the thrilling rush of wings overhead as the wild swans head home to the lagoon.
Let the rock dove coo to you softly each morning from its city perches;
Listen for the song sparrow's call each evening from the forest edges;
Let even the humble robin sing to you each day from the grass and hedges.
Whoever you are, no matter how insignificant, how despairing, know this:
In wildness is the resurrection of the soul, and the preservation of the earth.February, 2009Revised October 29, 2009
Copyright © by the Estate of Sarah Leuze, 2010. All rights reserved. Any correspondence should be addressed to Robert Leuze, Executor, Estate of Sarah Leuze, 245 West 104th Street, 16C, New York, NY 10025. Reprinted here with permission.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Radical love, radical inclusion... and the stereochemistry of gender inclusion
I know there's some renewed attention right now to the issue of cisgender-women-only space/the exclusion of transgender women in certain kinds of Paganism.
(Please note that I am not following, or interested in, that debate, and please don't ask me for information about it.)
A number of people have spoken to me quietly about the issue -- because they're hurt or just plain puzzled by the fuss, or because they're trying to figure out their own complicated reactions to it.
I've also been trying to discern what, if anything, I should say publicly about this issue.
I realized I'm led to share a response I sent to one of those friends. Part of why I'm comfortable sharing it is because it turns out there's nothing in this letter that I haven't said to other people, both electronically and in person, in public as well as in private.
Apologies to my beloved former chemistry professors for the oversimplified explanation of stereochemistry.
- sm
Dear [name],
Cis *isn't* being used because it's the opposite of trans -- it's a termed borrowed from chemistry [for one], and it's being used because it's a good descriptive term for people who were born into bodies consistent with their gender identities.
In chemistry, there are types of molecules with two different kinds of structures -- cis and trans. In one structure, the component groups are attached to *opposite* sides of a molecule across a (double) bond; that structure is called trans, or different. In the other structure, the component groups are attached to the *same* side of a molecule across a (double) bond; that structure is called cis, or same.
Take a look at the second set of pictures here to get the idea (the ones with the big green circles with no rotation): http://www.chemguide.co.uk/basicorg/isomerism/geometric.html
You and I were born into bodies consistent with our gender identity -- the same, or cis; "the same" with our gender identity, or cisgender.
My friend [name/mutual acquaintance] was born into a body not consistent with her gender identity -- different, or trans; "different" from her gender identity, or transgender.
If you don't like the way it's being used by transgender women in the [blank] debate, then you're giving too much credence to the commenters there, IMO.
If you don't like how it's being used by transgender women in general, I'm sorry. That sounds difficult. It's often difficult to listen to people with less privilege when they confront us, and it's true: you and I have cis privilege.
But the term cisgender is *not* being used exclusively by transgender women, any more than the terms heterosexual, straight, white, temporarily able-bodied, upper class, or male are being used exclusively by lesbians, gay men, bi people, transgender people, disabled people, people of color, poor people, working class people, middle class people, or women.
You also need to understand that transgender women experience a terrible amount of misogyny, and that they get it both from men and from other women. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be another woman who behaves that way towards women who also happen to be transgender.
My own journey towards transgender inclusion has not, and still isn't always, an easy one. I've been part of a Quaker lesbian organization that was torn apart over the issue of including transgender women; I couldn't have told you then if I thought it was better to exclude or include transgender women. I have also been incredibly honored to get to know a number of transgender women and men in person, as real people, most but not all of them through a deeply Spirit-centered Quaker organization that walks its talk of radical love and radical inclusion. It has become very, very clear to me where I find the Goddess, and where She leads me, when it comes to this issue. I can be sure of that even when I'm not 100% comfortable; it's a very different kind of discomfort than when I'm not certain.
So I hope this helps some.
Love and blessings,
Stasa
(Please note that I am not following, or interested in, that debate, and please don't ask me for information about it.)
A number of people have spoken to me quietly about the issue -- because they're hurt or just plain puzzled by the fuss, or because they're trying to figure out their own complicated reactions to it.
I've also been trying to discern what, if anything, I should say publicly about this issue.
I realized I'm led to share a response I sent to one of those friends. Part of why I'm comfortable sharing it is because it turns out there's nothing in this letter that I haven't said to other people, both electronically and in person, in public as well as in private.
Apologies to my beloved former chemistry professors for the oversimplified explanation of stereochemistry.
- sm
Dear [name],
Cis *isn't* being used because it's the opposite of trans -- it's a termed borrowed from chemistry [for one], and it's being used because it's a good descriptive term for people who were born into bodies consistent with their gender identities.
In chemistry, there are types of molecules with two different kinds of structures -- cis and trans. In one structure, the component groups are attached to *opposite* sides of a molecule across a (double) bond; that structure is called trans, or different. In the other structure, the component groups are attached to the *same* side of a molecule across a (double) bond; that structure is called cis, or same.
Take a look at the second set of pictures here to get the idea (the ones with the big green circles with no rotation): http://www.chemguide.co.uk/basicorg/isomerism/geometric.html
You and I were born into bodies consistent with our gender identity -- the same, or cis; "the same" with our gender identity, or cisgender.
My friend [name/mutual acquaintance] was born into a body not consistent with her gender identity -- different, or trans; "different" from her gender identity, or transgender.
If you don't like the way it's being used by transgender women in the [blank] debate, then you're giving too much credence to the commenters there, IMO.
If you don't like how it's being used by transgender women in general, I'm sorry. That sounds difficult. It's often difficult to listen to people with less privilege when they confront us, and it's true: you and I have cis privilege.
But the term cisgender is *not* being used exclusively by transgender women, any more than the terms heterosexual, straight, white, temporarily able-bodied, upper class, or male are being used exclusively by lesbians, gay men, bi people, transgender people, disabled people, people of color, poor people, working class people, middle class people, or women.
You also need to understand that transgender women experience a terrible amount of misogyny, and that they get it both from men and from other women. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be another woman who behaves that way towards women who also happen to be transgender.
My own journey towards transgender inclusion has not, and still isn't always, an easy one. I've been part of a Quaker lesbian organization that was torn apart over the issue of including transgender women; I couldn't have told you then if I thought it was better to exclude or include transgender women. I have also been incredibly honored to get to know a number of transgender women and men in person, as real people, most but not all of them through a deeply Spirit-centered Quaker organization that walks its talk of radical love and radical inclusion. It has become very, very clear to me where I find the Goddess, and where She leads me, when it comes to this issue. I can be sure of that even when I'm not 100% comfortable; it's a very different kind of discomfort than when I'm not certain.
So I hope this helps some.
Love and blessings,
Stasa
Recommended article: T. Thorn Coyle's "Duality and Diversity: Gender at Pantheacon"
T. Thorn Coyle's "Duality and Diversity: Gender at Pantheacon"
The theme of gender at Pantheacon started for me on Friday afternoon, when I was able to catch most of Dr. Charlie Glickman's presentation on "The Mystery and the Masculine." I walked into a lively discussion about stereotypes, gender, and where we might find a place inside or outside of the box, and how breaking out of the box sometimes offers a full range of deep and powerful archetypes. Why was I drawn to this presentation? Not only do I like and respect Charlie, but I carry a great deal of the masculine within me; as a matter of fact, I used to get mistaken for a man with great frequency. I don't anymore, though most people still recognize that strand of my energy signature. I feel comfortable presenting in a more "female" way these days and my power is more fully integrated so my overall energy outlay is smoother. But you still won't catch me in a skirt unless I'm doing high femme drag. And that is rare.
I spoke in Charlie's class about Z Budapest saying last year that I was not a masculine woman, presumably because I wear lipstick now, and my jeans are no longer two sizes too big. No, I'm not butch like my butchest of friends, but the reason I identified as masculine at the first was in an attempt to do damage control around some masculinity bashing that had been going on. As I still swim strongly with that current, I outed myself on the panel and was then smacked down. Not for long, as you might imagine.
Read more...
Friday, March 4, 2011
Friends Journal article on young families; other thoughts on accessibility
A F/friend of mine brought this excellent article to my attention a few weeks ago. (I know I saw it when it first came out, but because of other things going on in my life that month, it didn't really sink in.) Then, at FLGBTQC Mid-Winter recently, one of the many things we were talking about was how to make worship accessible to different people -- children, people with different neurological needs, etc. -- and I was reminded of it again.
From "Young Families and Quakerism: Will the Center Hold?" (Friends Journal, May 2008):
(Read more: http://www.friendsjournal.org/young-families-and-quakerism-will-center-hold)
But this article isn't just about helping Meetings be more accessible to young families: it's also about nurturing our Meetings and helping them be vital, growing communities.
I'm excited, reading this, because the connections with and parallels to other kinds of accessibility are really clear to me. And the tools are related, too.
The author and his family and I used to all be part of the same Meeting, before they moved and we moved. In that Meeting, we used to have regular, intergenerational, semi-programmed Meeting for Worship.
While I was there, that worship never took place in the main Meeting room, and it never took the place of regular Meeting for Worship: therefore, it was optional.
There were a couple of issues with this. It made it clear that our children were not full members of our community. However, it also meant that no one who felt they couldn't in good conscience participate in programmed or semi-programmed worship was forced to do so.
Sadly, when it came to our children, we didn't walk our talk as well as we might: several families I know left for other Meetings where they felt their children to be more fully part of the life of the Meeting. This is not an option in many geographic areas, including some of the other places where I've lived.
I confess that I am one of those people who's allergic to programming in Quaker worship. For me, as soon as we introduce programming, we introduce dogma and theaology, and we are no longer in spiritual communion. We have violated Meeting for Worship. It's no longer safe worship space. When that happens, I can visit, but I'm no longer home. But I also felt really strongly, in that Meeting, about intergenerational Meeting for Worship, and I knew a full hour of unprogrammed worship just wasn't accessible to our children. So I went to intergenerational semi-programmed Meeting for Worship. (I itched, but I didn't break out in hives.)
Even though the connections with other kinds of accessibility are clear to me, they're not so clear to other people.
Here are some examples:
If it's okay for kids to wiggle quietly, read, write, or play quietly during worship...
...then it's okay for adults with neurological conditions to wiggle quietly, or engage in other quiet activities, during worship.
If it's okay for kids to read Bible stories silently, or for adults to read from Christian or Hebrew scriptures silently...
,,,then it's okay for kids or adults to read from non-Christian books silently.
If it's okay for kids to write quietly...
...then it's okay for adults to write quietly.
Those are just a few parallels that spring immediately to mind. I'm sure there are others.
I'm reminded of two times in my life when handwork was the only thing that made Meeting for Worship accessible to me.
The first was when I was recovering from an injury and was in constant pain. For months, I had a terrible time centering into worship. Reading or writing was too cerebral -- it pulled me out of worship, into an intellectual head-space. But finding a place in the back of the Meeting room where I could sit on the floor, stretch out the leg with the cast on it, and work on my crochet ministry -- the blanket I was making for a Friend whose husband had just died suddenly -- I could center into worship. The second was during a flare-up of a neurological condition, when I was on a medication that made me sleepy unless I had direct sensory stimulation. If I was driving, I was fine; as a passenger, I would fall asleep. I found myself very sleepy in Meeting for Worship, no matter what time of day, no matter where -- the Meeting where I was sojourning, back at my home Meeting, at FGC Gathering, when traveling, it didn't matter. I did not want to sleep through Meeting for Worship. Again, reading or writing pulled me out of worship and put me into too intellectual a space, but crocheting allowed me to stay centered in worship when I started getting too sleepy.
Coming back to Tom's article and the thoughts it's prompting for me, I also want to think more about how this kind of openness might work to help us embrace the theaological diversity among us -- and so help us deepen our Meetings in the Spirit and in their faithfulness to Quakerism.
Here is something really important Tom points out in his article:
Learning to be accessible doesn't have to be comfortable at first in order to grow comfortable, or in order to provide huge rewards for a Meeting community.
So, dear Friends -- shall we see how the Spirit is leading us to be uncomfortable together, and how how we are led to be transformed?
From "Young Families and Quakerism: Will the Center Hold?" (Friends Journal, May 2008):
[The project] found that those who joined Quakerism started attending at the average age of 34. The project summarized that our outreach efforts should focus on those in their 30s and 40s. Many of those who are drawn to unprogrammed Quakerism are looking for a "tribe" that gives them a sense of connection and belonging that resonates with their sense of who they are, and who they are becoming. (Many who take the quiz at <www.beliefnet.com> are pleased to discover that there is already a well-established religious tradition that shares their convictions! Now, all they need to do is find a Friends meeting in their area. Thank goodness for <www.quakerfinder.org>!)
This yearning for authentic community shifts to an even deeper existential level when young adults find themselves becoming parents. As has been well documented, people often seek a religious community during the early years of parenthood, because of their bone-deep hopes and fears for their children. Having children tends to evoke in us a spiritual awakening, and a connection with the Source of life. We experience the Divine through our love for our children. Contemporary culture, with its wide array of anti-spiritual messages and experiences, has only exacerbated these deep yearnings. For Quakerism to be a spiritual home of choice for today's young adult seekers, then we must meet them where they are. That is, we must offer them a community that does not simply accept them and their children, but which pro-actively embraces them and nourishes them, personally and spiritually.
(Read more: http://www.friendsjournal.org/young-families-and-quakerism-will-center-hold)
But this article isn't just about helping Meetings be more accessible to young families: it's also about nurturing our Meetings and helping them be vital, growing communities.
I'm excited, reading this, because the connections with and parallels to other kinds of accessibility are really clear to me. And the tools are related, too.
The author and his family and I used to all be part of the same Meeting, before they moved and we moved. In that Meeting, we used to have regular, intergenerational, semi-programmed Meeting for Worship.
While I was there, that worship never took place in the main Meeting room, and it never took the place of regular Meeting for Worship: therefore, it was optional.
There were a couple of issues with this. It made it clear that our children were not full members of our community. However, it also meant that no one who felt they couldn't in good conscience participate in programmed or semi-programmed worship was forced to do so.
Sadly, when it came to our children, we didn't walk our talk as well as we might: several families I know left for other Meetings where they felt their children to be more fully part of the life of the Meeting. This is not an option in many geographic areas, including some of the other places where I've lived.
I confess that I am one of those people who's allergic to programming in Quaker worship. For me, as soon as we introduce programming, we introduce dogma and theaology, and we are no longer in spiritual communion. We have violated Meeting for Worship. It's no longer safe worship space. When that happens, I can visit, but I'm no longer home. But I also felt really strongly, in that Meeting, about intergenerational Meeting for Worship, and I knew a full hour of unprogrammed worship just wasn't accessible to our children. So I went to intergenerational semi-programmed Meeting for Worship. (I itched, but I didn't break out in hives.)
Even though the connections with other kinds of accessibility are clear to me, they're not so clear to other people.
Here are some examples:
If it's okay for kids to wiggle quietly, read, write, or play quietly during worship...
...then it's okay for adults with neurological conditions to wiggle quietly, or engage in other quiet activities, during worship.
If it's okay for kids to read Bible stories silently, or for adults to read from Christian or Hebrew scriptures silently...
,,,then it's okay for kids or adults to read from non-Christian books silently.
If it's okay for kids to write quietly...
...then it's okay for adults to write quietly.
Those are just a few parallels that spring immediately to mind. I'm sure there are others.
I'm reminded of two times in my life when handwork was the only thing that made Meeting for Worship accessible to me.
The first was when I was recovering from an injury and was in constant pain. For months, I had a terrible time centering into worship. Reading or writing was too cerebral -- it pulled me out of worship, into an intellectual head-space. But finding a place in the back of the Meeting room where I could sit on the floor, stretch out the leg with the cast on it, and work on my crochet ministry -- the blanket I was making for a Friend whose husband had just died suddenly -- I could center into worship. The second was during a flare-up of a neurological condition, when I was on a medication that made me sleepy unless I had direct sensory stimulation. If I was driving, I was fine; as a passenger, I would fall asleep. I found myself very sleepy in Meeting for Worship, no matter what time of day, no matter where -- the Meeting where I was sojourning, back at my home Meeting, at FGC Gathering, when traveling, it didn't matter. I did not want to sleep through Meeting for Worship. Again, reading or writing pulled me out of worship and put me into too intellectual a space, but crocheting allowed me to stay centered in worship when I started getting too sleepy.
Coming back to Tom's article and the thoughts it's prompting for me, I also want to think more about how this kind of openness might work to help us embrace the theaological diversity among us -- and so help us deepen our Meetings in the Spirit and in their faithfulness to Quakerism.
Here is something really important Tom points out in his article:
Learning to be accessible doesn't have to be comfortable at first in order to grow comfortable, or in order to provide huge rewards for a Meeting community.
So, dear Friends -- shall we see how the Spirit is leading us to be uncomfortable together, and how how we are led to be transformed?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Query on grief and support
How do we bear witness to, and support each other through, griefs which society doesn't usually recognize or honor?
What are some examples of these kinds of grief?
What are some examples of these kinds of grief?
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