A blessed Samhain, and Samhain queries

 Blessed Samhain to you.

This is the Witches' New Year, and the Sabbat where we honor those who have gone before and welcome those who have been newly born.  

Some possible queries for you to think about: 

• Who are your ancestors, literal, but also spiritual and cultural? 

• Are there people you've been taught are your ancestors, in any of those senses, who really aren't?  How are you letting them go?    

• Who has gone before whom do you honor?  (Who has gone before whom you don't honor?) 

• What endings are you honoring?

• Who are you mourning? 

• What new beginnings are you honoring? 

• Who are you welcoming?  

Three lit tea light candles in the dark, via https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Triptic_of_candles.jpg

Queries for Samhain

A blessed Samhain and New Year to you. 

Who are the ancestors you're honoring, physical and spiritual?
Who are the dead you are remembering?
What losses and endings are you marking?

Who are the new babies you are welcoming?
What people and new beginnings have been born in your life this year?

(c) Laura Treadway photography.  Used with permission.  http://lauratreadway.com/

Samhain blessings in music

"Hecate, Cerridwen," Reclaiming and Friends:

Hecate, Cerridwen

Dark Mother, take us in

Hecate, Cerridwen

Let us be reborn

"Breaths," Sweet Honey in the Rock:

Those who have died have never, never left

The dead are not under the earth...

Those who have died have never, never left

The dead have a pact with the living

 "We Are," Sweet Honey in the Rock:

We are our grandmothers' prayers

We are our grandfathers' dreamings

We are the breath of the ancestors

We are the spirit of god

Queries for Samhain

Friendly Pumpkin, (c) Anders Lagerås, used with permission

Friday is Samhain, the Witches' New Year and the Feast of the Beloved Dead. 

It's the time of year when many of us honor those who have gone before, remember our beloved dead, recognize our not-so-beloved dead and let them go, mourn (and celebrate) endings, welcome new babies, welcome the presence of new people in our lives, and celebrate new beginnings.  

Many Pagans feel that this night, the veil between the worlds, between the living and the dead, the seen and the unseen, is thinnest.  Witches have a saying, "Who is remembered, lives."  In Roses, Too! Tradition, Samhain is a time when we honor our ancestors, physical and spiritual, and cultures which have nurtured us.  

Queries for Samhain:

• How are you marking your endings, your losses, the deaths that have happened this year, the deaths that have happened in the past that are still with you?  
• In what ways do you do to honor your ancestors and those who have gone before? 
• What foods have come to you from them?  What ordinary, everyday things?  What special-occasion things?
• What gifts from those who have gone before do you pass down or share in the world?  
• How are you welcoming new babies and new people who have come into the world or your life this last year?  

May your Samhain be blessed. 

May these next weeks between the Feast of the Beloved Dead and the Rebirth of the Sun at Yule be a time of rich darkness for you. 

Upcoming posts for Samhain: Talking about suicide

Because I do a lot of work around dying and death, and because Samhain is fast approaching, dying and death have been on my mind. 

But in particular, suicide has been on my mind, and for a number of reasons: the topic for the November gathering of the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death is sudden death and suicide; I've been having a lot of conversations with other people, especially suicide-loss survivors, about suicide; there are so many places in my life where the topic just comes up, over and over. 

For quite some time now, I've wanted to post some articles, both by me and by guest authors, on the topic of suicide. 

Suicide touches so many of us.  But we're conditioned not to talk about it, whether we feel like we want to die, or we've tried, or someone we know or care about or love wants to die, has tried to kill themselves, or has died by suicide. 

That don't-talk-about-it message makes it harder to reach out for help, harder to grieve and mourn, and harder to heal.

Over the last few years, but especially this last year, I have felt a renewed commitment to talking about suicide, particularly to being open about the fact that I'm a suicide-loss survivor.  A number of people in my life, over the span of many years, have died by suicide.  The most recent suicide death in my life came three years ago.  In response, that part of my extended family has been very committed to talked about it, especially amongst my generation.  To reach out to each other. I've also found myself talking more openly in the rest of my life, not just about that death, but about previous ones.  Robin Williams' death in August also prompted a lot of discussion about suicide.  And I've heard from a lot of other suicide-loss survivors, as well as from other people who have contemplated suicide.

I've had some really amazing, hard, courageous, and wonderful conversations over the last months and year with many people about suicide, being a suicide-loss survivor, and how to talk about all of this.  Thank you to everyone who's been part of those.  You have really helped me, and each other.

In the next week or so, I'll have several guest posts to share from people who have different kinds of experience with suicide.  I hope these pieces will be helpful to you in your spiritual work approaching Samhain, and also in general.

They'll each be clearly labeled, so if you're not ready to read about suicide, you don't have to.  You can also come back and read them later.

To start, I'd like to recommend some easy-to-read, thoughtful, helpful pieces by my friend Hollis Easter.  

Among other things, Hollis "runs a telephone crisis hotline and teaches people how to listen, offer support, help people who think of suicide to choose life, and build lasting strength in communities."  Hollis is one of the friends and colleagues I've had deep, chewy conversations with about this issue, the kinds of conversations which catalyze other work. 

Here are some of Hollis' pieces I've found helpful in stumbling towards talking about this.  I hope they're helpful for you, too:

• Suicide-related terminology:  http://www.holliseaster.com/p/suicide-related-terminology/.  This is an excellent one to start with. 

• How to ask about suicide: http://www.holliseaster.com/p/ask-suicide/.  Do you know someone you think might be struggling, might be thinking about suicide, but you're afraid to ask?  Don't be.  

• Talking about suicide and Robin Williams' death: http://www.holliseaster.com/p/talking-about-suicide-robin-williams/

• Why you shouldn’t say “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”: http://www.holliseaster.com/p/suicide-permanent-solution-temporary-problem-isnt-helpful/

There are many more fascinating, and useful, articles at Hollis' blog; I recommend exploring.

If you are struggling with suicide, please, talk to someone.  

• In the US, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline free from anywhere at 1-800-273-TALK. 
• In the UK, you can call the Samaritans anytime, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 08457 90 90 90. 
• In Scotland, you can call the Breathing Space phoneline, which is available 24 hours at weekends (6pm Friday - 6am Monday), and 6pm - 2am on weekdays (Monday - Thursday), on 0800 83 85 87.

Look for some more posts within the next week. 

This is gentle, tender work.  Be kind to yourself.  

Being in community: talking about dying and death

I am sitting on the patio, doing preparation for the workshop I'm leading this weekend on what happens before we can fill out all the end-of-life forms.  I'm listening to the birds and watching a front come in.  I just checked the pressure map, yep, there it is -- a cold front with a low-pressure system behind it...

The summer before last -- 2013 -- I facilitated a conversation at my Local Meeting about dying and death.  It started out as a report from two trips the Meeting supported me in making to Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre, one for a course on Creating Support for End of Life and Bereavement, one for the twice-annual gathering of QDD, the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death, and about why I'd wanted to go in the first place -- my long-standing ministry around dying and death.  It expanded to a more general conversation about needing and wanting to talk about dying and death, and not being sure how to start.  It became clear people really are hungry for more spaces, safe spaces, to talk about this.

I talked to my elder for this talk and another Local Meeting person involved with QDD, and the three of us got together and planned a day-long follow-up session for March.  That session ended up being about how we make the decisions that need to be made before we can fill out all those end-of-life planning forms -- the Quaker funeral wishes forms, advance decisions / advance directives, etc. -- and how we care for those who are left behind when we die.  It was sweet and tender and good. 

We were asked to bring it to the Area Meeting.  So I'm leading a similar session / workshop Saturday. 

Sitting here working on the prep, I'm struck by how much I love and enjoy this work.  It's not all grim.  It's not all horrible.  It's funny, it's sweet, it's human, it's real.  It's about being in community with each other and caring for each other.

Lots of other places in my ministry are much more intimidating for me than this...

Dancing with the Beloved Dead at Beltane

It seemed like an odd time of year to be thinking about death.

It's spring; life is bounding forth.  It's Beltane, a welcoming of spring and celebration of all the new and returning life in nature.

But two things happened: I was getting ready to go to the semi-annual gathering of the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death (QDD), and one of my social networking friends shared a new video, from the last week in April, of one of my favorite Samhain songs.


I found myself listening to it over and over.

'Cause when I die
I don’t want to rest in peace
I want to dance in joy
I want to dance in the graveyards, the graveyards
And while I’m alive
I don’t want to be alone
Mourning the ones who came before
I want to dance with them some more
Let’s dance in the graveyards
~ from “Dance in the Graveyards,” (c) Ian Holljes; recorded by Delta Rae on “Carry the Fire,” 2012

Walking the labyrinth at Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre just before our gathering started, I remembered the Beloved Dead whom Roses, Too! Coven always honored at Beltane.  Several people we love died just before Beltane, or had special connections for us with Beltane or May Day, and we always named them, and tied a black ribbon onto our May Pole for them.

Walking the labyrinth, Spring abundant around me, I was also reminded that at Beltane and Samhain, the veil between the worlds is thinnest.  And while we may not expect visits from the Beloved Dead at Beltane, death and life are part of each other, and if the dead come calling at Beltane, let us dance in joy with them, around the May Pole and in the graveyards.  

Samhain 2011

Who are you thinking of tonight?  Who are you remembering?  Who are your beloved dead whom you honor?  Who are your not-so-beloved dead you wish to let go?  Who are those who have gone before?  Who are the babies born this last year whom you welcome? 

Samhain

I have been thinking a lot over the last few weeks about Samhain ("Saw-wen"), which is also known in different traditions as Hallowe'en or Hallowmas.

In my tradition of Feminist Witchcraft, Samhain is the Third Harvest, the Witches' New Year, and the Feast of the Beloved Dead.  This is the time when we honor those who have gone before, our literal ancestors and our spiritual ancestors, those whose names we know and those whose names are lost to us.  We mourn endings and losses of the past year.  And we welcome babies who were born this year and honor new beginnings from this last year. 

It can be a very tender time of year for many of us.  A time to gather together, grieve, and rejoice. 

For our potluck, my particular little group often sets our theme as "Remembrance Food: Food that honors your ancestors or cultures that have nurtured you."

The time between Samhain and Winter Solstice is the time between death and rebirth.  At Winter Solstice, the Sun is reborn -- on the shortest day, the Sun comes back to us; "life comes new from Death" [Schrag, "Kore, Evohe"]. 

In our culture, we're used to thinking of birth as the beginning of life, and death as the end.  But really, death and life are a circle, and we can't actually say what comes first: death paves the way for new life.  Without the death of the old year, the new year can't be born; without the death of the old leaves, new leaves can't be born; without time in the Darkness, seeds, ideas, and babies can't germinate; without the sacrifice of our food -- the grain and the animals, Lugh and the Horned One -- we wouldn't eat; all light casts a shadow. 

Every seed becomes a promise
Kore takes them in Her hands
Into the Earth, and into the Darkness
And into the quiet lands...
- John Schrag, "Kore, Evohe"

With every change comes some kind of end: without the "death" of an old way of being, the new way wouldn't be "born."  Loss is inherent in change. 

Witches have a saying:  All things must change, or die; and death is change. 

This Samhain, I am remembering my grandparents, their parents, and others who have died over the years and who will always be with me -- friends, loved ones, family members, former partners, teachers, mentors, spouses of friends, beloved pets... 

I'm also honoring people who have died this year, or whose deaths I've just learned of this year, several of whom I've mentioned on this blog under the tag "Samhain."  Christine Oliger, Father Emery Tang, George Willoughby, Morton Kravitz, Mabel Lang, Art Gish, Carolyn Diem, Sarah Leuze, Lynn Waddington, Gene Stotlzfus, Betty Nebel, and others.  And people I didn't know personally, but still honor, like Miep Gies, Dr. William Harrison, Daniel Schorr, and others. 

This Samhain, who are you honoring?  

• Who are your ancestors, literal, spiritual, metaphorical?  Known and unknown? 
• Who are your beloved dead you honor?  
• Who are your not-so-beloved dead you are glad to release?
• Who are you mourning?  
• What new beginnings do you honor from this last year? 
• What new babies did you welcome this last year? 

Who is remembered, lives.  

Blessed be. 

Recent deaths

I feel particularly held by the circle of death and life right now. 

Two recent deaths, Daniel Schorr and Mabel Lang, leave me feeling like two pillars of the universe have upped and left for some other universe.  Their deaths are not remotely out of season -- both were 93 -- and yet, somehow, it's the very length of their presences in my life that makes their absence seem so strange. 

Death in due time, I can deal with; I grieve, but that's okay.  Early death is harder for me.  When it comes at the end of a terminal illness, I feel relief for that end, and still feel a kind of helpless rage.  

My F/friend Christine Oliger's death is no surprise, yet it is hitting me hard. 

The unexpected death of Art Gish, a beloved activist often involved with CPT Hebron / al-Khalil, is also hitting me surprisingly hard.

Death is part of the cycle of life.  For Witches, we honor it, but we also honor our grief; and right now, I am grieving. 

I am grieving in the Light, and in the comforting Darkness.  I have the support of beloved F/friends and family; I am blessed and lucky. 

I've also just received word of the unexpected but welcome pregnancy of someone very dear to me. 

The circle of death and life continues, inexorably. 

--------------------

• Daniel Schorr's obituary (at National Public Radio)

• Mabel Lang's Obituary (at Bryn Mawr College)

• Christine Oliger's Obituary (at Friends of Christine)

• Art Gish's Obituary (at the Church of the Brethren)

The death of Christian Peacemaker Team’s founding director Gene Stoltzfus

FORT FRANCES, ONTARIO: Gene Stoltzfus 1940-2010 – PRESENTE! | Christian Peacemaker Teams

Wednesday, 10 March, Christian Peacemaker Team’s founding director Gene Stoltzfus died of a heart attack in Fort Frances, Ontario while bicycling near his home on the first spring-like day of the year. He is survived by his wife Dorothy Friesen and many peacemakers who stand on the broad shoulders of his 70 years of creative action.

Gene was at the heart of those who planted and nurtured the vision for teams of peacemakers partnering with local communities in conflict zones to build justice and lasting peace which has grown into CPT. Gene played a key roles in CPT's founding gathering of Christian activists, theologians and other Church leaders at Techny Towers outside Chicago, IL in 1986....

Read article...

Friend George Willoughby

George Willoughby died January 5th in the wee smalls. He died at home, surrounded by family and love. George was 95.

Lillian died just under a year ago. (Click here and here for more.)

There is so much I could say about George that none of the few things I could put here seem appropriate. I am honored to have called him Friend and friend, I will miss him, and I celebrate his life.

George's Memorial will be Saturday, February 6th from 2-5 pm at Central Philadelphia Monthly Meeting, 1515 Cherry Street.

Blessed be.

Miep Gies, the Last of Those Who Hid Anne Frank, Dies at 100 - Obituary (Obit) - NYTimes.com

For Jewish families everywhere, the question, "If the killing started again, would I know a Gentile family to shelter us / our children?" is never an unreasonable one. I celebrate and honor the life of Miep Gies. - sm

Miep Gies, the Last of Those Who Hid Anne Frank, Dies at 100 - Obituary (Obit) - NYTimes.com

“I am not a hero,” Mrs. Gies wrote in her memoir, “Anne Frank Remembered,” published in 1987. “I stand at the end of the long, long line of good Dutch people who did what I did and more — much more — during those dark and terrible times years ago, but always like yesterday in the heart of those of us who bear witness.”

Mrs. Gies sought no accolades for joining with her husband and three others in hiding Anne Frank, her father, mother and older sister and four other Dutch Jews for 25 months in Nazi-occupied Amsterdam. But she came to be viewed as a courageous figure when her role in sheltering Anne Frank was revealed with the publication of her memoir. She then traveled the world while in her 80s, speaking against intolerance.

How do we talk about, get support around, death?

Samhain is fast approaching, so of course I am thinking about death. About those dear ones who've died and whom I miss fiercely, and those whom I've been able to let go a little more. About those whom I don't miss at all. About those I love whose death was a release; those who died in old age after a long life; those who died young; those who died suddenly; those to whom I was able to say goodbye; those who died without any final contact.

About a dear F/friend who is actively dying.

Anastasia Ashman, a sister Mawrter, posted this recently, which I recommend to you. She asks questions like, How do we find support around grief? How do we talk about grief and death? Do we mourn silently and privately, or in community? What determines this?, as well as shares some of her own experience.

Is that a pain cry?

October 28, 2009 by Anastasia M. Ashman

Bonnie Tinker

I don't know that I want to write much about Bonnie Tinker's death yet. But I do want to acknowledge here that it happened. I am deeply grateful to have been with Friends when we learned, and to the folks at VA Tech for their support. I am grateful the members of Bonnie's family who were there and who came had the support of Friends and friends.

There are plenty of places where folks can read the facts, what's known so far about Bonnie's death, including some things I posted at my links page (click here). And I do want to share what is mostly a lovely video (the music and all at the end are somewhat jarring).

A lot of people are affected by Bonnie's death. Thank you for holding them in the Light.

Lillian's obituary

Lillian's obit from the Daily News. - sm

Lillian Willoughby, Quaker activist, dies at 93

By JOHN F. MORRISON
Philadelphia Daily News

morrisj@phillynews.com 215-854-5573

LILLIAN WILLOUGHBY had a vision of a world at peace.

She and her husband, George, dedicated Quakers, chased this impossible dream all over the world, conducting nonviolent protests against war and preparations for war for nearly 70 years.

They even refused to pay federal taxes that they deemed were going to pay for war. As a result of these activities, they often ran afoul of law-enforcement and judicial officials who did not share their passion for peace.

Lillian Willoughby died Thursday just shy of her 94th birthday. She lived on the Old Pine Farm Land Trust in Deptford, Gloucester County, part of the New Jersey Green Acres program.

In 2004, she and other activists spent seven days in the federal detention center in Philadelphia for blocking the entrance to the Federal Building in a protest against the Iraq war. They chose jail over $250 fines.

In a statement read in court, she summed up her philosophy of peace and justice.

"I am approaching my 90th year," she said. "I had high hopes of leaving this earth confident that the people on it knew more about nonviolence and conflict resolution.

"Even after 9/11 we had a window of opportunity to do just that. By working with the United Nations and the World Court we could have helped build a stronger world community, a community of fairness and justice for all, where compassion, understanding, forgiveness, imagination, sharing and courage are valued and practiced."

In 2006, she and other older activists, including the poet Sonia Sanchez, then 72, were charged with defiant trespass for refusing to leave a Center City military recruiting station after trying to enlist to serve in Iraq. A judge dismissed the charges.

They called themselves the "Granny Peace Brigade."

In 2003, she and other demonstrators had their heads shaved outside the Liberty Bell in the name of peace. They intended to send the shorn hair to senators from Pennsylvania and New Jersey to express their opposition to the war.

From 1971 to 1987, Lillian and her husband ran a commune in West Philadelphia devoted to helping the community. The site included 20 houses that made up the Movement for a New Society.

The Willoughbys lived in a small third-floor apartment where they practiced living simply. When a Daily News reporter encountered them there in June 1980, they were baking their own bread. The group started the first Take Back the Night rally, an idea that became an annual anti-crime event.

Taking on the simple life was also a way to keep any income away from the federal government. Even so, the IRS confiscated their red Volkswagen for back taxes. During the auction at the IRS headquarters in Chester in 1970, the Willoughbys and supporters served lemonade in the hallway before submitting the winning bid of $900 to buy the car back.

Lillian was brought up on a farm in West Branch, Iowa. She attended a Quaker boarding school and later graduated from the University of Iowa. She became a dietician by trade and worked at hospitals and nursing homes.

She met her husband in Iowa. He was a conscientious objector during World War II and helped find homes for Japanese-Americans who had been put in camps at the outbreak of the war.

"She was loving, honest and forthright," said longtime friend and fellow Quaker Lynne Shivers. "She had a deep belief in the Quaker ideal of creating a nonviolent world. She reached out to people who were down, and cared about them."

She also is survived by three daughters, Sally, Anita and Sharon Willoughby; a son, Alan Willoughby, and three grandchildren.

Services: A Quaker memorial meeting will be held at a future date. *

Odetta has died

Odetta died Tuesday. I will miss her presence in this world in much the same way I miss that of Audre Lord.

Miriam Makeba also died this fall.

I am thankful all three of them left the work of their voices.

Whatever Kindles

I received this today from CPT's news service. On this Samhain, I honor the memory of Tom Fox, of those of all nationalities who have died in the "War on Terror," and of those who have died in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Bluffton University is in northwest Ohio, an hour south of Toledo and ninety minutes north of Dayton.

- sm

CPTnet
31 October 2008
CHICAGO/TORONTO: Second production of CPT docudrama, Whatever Kindles, to be mounted


November 12-15, 2008 Bluffton University’s theatre department will perform Whatever Kindles, a fictional docudrama exploring the everyday experiences and struggles of members of Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT). Written by playwright and CPT reservist Tricia Gates Brown, the docudrama takes its title from the words of St. Theresa of Avila, “Do whatever most kindles love in you. It features seven fictional CPT workers and an ensemble of supporting characters that share their experiences in Canada, Columbia, Iraq and Israel/Palestine through direct address to the audience and short vignettes. The play premiered at George Fox University in Oregon during the fall of 2007. A free script is available at http://www.cpt.org/resources/books#7.

“ This production reveals to us the uncertainties CPT workers face,” said Dr. Melissa Friesen, play director and Mary Nord Ignat and Joseph Ignat Chair in Theatre. “The script recognizes the complexity within human responses to violence and oppression as we struggle to follow Jesus faithfully.”

Friesen chose the play because of its connection with Bluffton’s mission of service and peacemaking, and its parallel with the institution’s 2008-09 civic engagement theme: “Living in Uncertainty in a Complex World.”

Each evening production will include “talk-back” sessions with the audience. Friesen, CPT members, student performers and alumni, will engage the audience in dialogue about CPT and CPT members’ experiences. “Our hope is to create a space for thinking about critical issues of faith and our engagement with the world,” said Friesen. Sunday’s matinee performance will not include a talk-back session.

Several CPT reservists are lending their red caps—the signature uniform of CPT workers—to the cast as costume pieces for the production. Friesen hopes to establish a connection between CPT workers and members of the Bluffton production. “This is a unique opportunity,” she said. “The hats provide a symbol of the connection Bluffton is trying to establish between theatre and the wider community. By loaning the hats, CPT is supporting the production in a very tangible way, creating a joint effort to provide the audience an opportunity to see the fulfillment resulting from putting faith and nonviolent commitments into action in risky ways.”

Additionally, George Fox University is allowing Bluffton to use scenic projections designed for the premiere.

Whatever Kindles will be performed at 7:30 p.m. Nov.12-15, and at 2:30 p.m. Nov. 16, in Ramseyer Auditorium. Tickets are $7 for adults and $5 for senior citizens and students. Tickets may be reserved through the university box office by calling 419-358-3239 or e-mailing boxoffice@bluffton.edu.


In conjunction with the production of Whatever Kindles, 1984 Bluffton graduate Kathleen Kern, a member of CPT since 1993, will make a public presentation on November 14 about the work of Christian Peacemaker Teams as part of launching the newly published CPT History, In Harm’s Way: A History of Christian Peacemaker Teams (Cascade 2008).

Meeting for Remembering

Discovered in University Friends Meeting's monthly newsletter, from South Seattle Preparative Meeting. This looks interesting; I'd like to go. - sm

MEETING FOR REMEMBERING, NOV 1

Meeting for Remembering will begin at 4:00pm on Nov. 1 in the dining room of the Senior Center (Central Area Senior Center, 500 30th Ave. S., Seattle 98144), and will be followed by a potluck dinner.

The building opens at 3:30pm, and we invite people to come after 3:45 to set up any pictures &
mementos of people they are remembering as well as quotes and short writings (tables available).

There will be a table in the middle of the room with candles. Similar to last year, the Meeting
will begin with naming a person to be remembered; and going to the table to light a candle in that person's memory. After the naming, the group repeats the name followed by silence before the next person is named and the next candle is lit. Then, we will settle into worship remembering those who are no longer among the living. At the rise of Meeting, we will share our potluck meal with fellowship, and view/share the pictures and mementos displayed.

Childcare will be available (please RSVP with the number of children attending to xxxxx@xxxx.xxx). We invite children who would like to participate to join the group -- particularly for the naming and candle-lighting portion, but also for the rest of the meeting if they and their family so choose. Thank you.

-- SSPM Community & Spiritual Life Committee

Del Martin has died

Along with so many others, I mourn the death and celebrate the life of Del Martin. I am so thankful she and her wife, Phyllis Lyon, were able to marry legally before Del's death.