Samhain blessings in music

"Hecate, Cerridwen," Reclaiming and Friends:

Hecate, Cerridwen

Dark Mother, take us in

Hecate, Cerridwen

Let us be reborn

"Breaths," Sweet Honey in the Rock:

Those who have died have never, never left

The dead are not under the earth...

Those who have died have never, never left

The dead have a pact with the living

 "We Are," Sweet Honey in the Rock:

We are our grandmothers' prayers

We are our grandfathers' dreamings

We are the breath of the ancestors

We are the spirit of god

Queries for Samhain

Friendly Pumpkin, (c) Anders Lagerås, used with permission

Friday is Samhain, the Witches' New Year and the Feast of the Beloved Dead. 

It's the time of year when many of us honor those who have gone before, remember our beloved dead, recognize our not-so-beloved dead and let them go, mourn (and celebrate) endings, welcome new babies, welcome the presence of new people in our lives, and celebrate new beginnings.  

Many Pagans feel that this night, the veil between the worlds, between the living and the dead, the seen and the unseen, is thinnest.  Witches have a saying, "Who is remembered, lives."  In Roses, Too! Tradition, Samhain is a time when we honor our ancestors, physical and spiritual, and cultures which have nurtured us.  

Queries for Samhain:

• How are you marking your endings, your losses, the deaths that have happened this year, the deaths that have happened in the past that are still with you?  
• In what ways do you do to honor your ancestors and those who have gone before? 
• What foods have come to you from them?  What ordinary, everyday things?  What special-occasion things?
• What gifts from those who have gone before do you pass down or share in the world?  
• How are you welcoming new babies and new people who have come into the world or your life this last year?  

May your Samhain be blessed. 

May these next weeks between the Feast of the Beloved Dead and the Rebirth of the Sun at Yule be a time of rich darkness for you. 

Upcoming posts for Samhain: Talking about suicide

Because I do a lot of work around dying and death, and because Samhain is fast approaching, dying and death have been on my mind. 

But in particular, suicide has been on my mind, and for a number of reasons: the topic for the November gathering of the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death is sudden death and suicide; I've been having a lot of conversations with other people, especially suicide-loss survivors, about suicide; there are so many places in my life where the topic just comes up, over and over. 

For quite some time now, I've wanted to post some articles, both by me and by guest authors, on the topic of suicide. 

Suicide touches so many of us.  But we're conditioned not to talk about it, whether we feel like we want to die, or we've tried, or someone we know or care about or love wants to die, has tried to kill themselves, or has died by suicide. 

That don't-talk-about-it message makes it harder to reach out for help, harder to grieve and mourn, and harder to heal.

Over the last few years, but especially this last year, I have felt a renewed commitment to talking about suicide, particularly to being open about the fact that I'm a suicide-loss survivor.  A number of people in my life, over the span of many years, have died by suicide.  The most recent suicide death in my life came three years ago.  In response, that part of my extended family has been very committed to talked about it, especially amongst my generation.  To reach out to each other. I've also found myself talking more openly in the rest of my life, not just about that death, but about previous ones.  Robin Williams' death in August also prompted a lot of discussion about suicide.  And I've heard from a lot of other suicide-loss survivors, as well as from other people who have contemplated suicide.

I've had some really amazing, hard, courageous, and wonderful conversations over the last months and year with many people about suicide, being a suicide-loss survivor, and how to talk about all of this.  Thank you to everyone who's been part of those.  You have really helped me, and each other.

In the next week or so, I'll have several guest posts to share from people who have different kinds of experience with suicide.  I hope these pieces will be helpful to you in your spiritual work approaching Samhain, and also in general.

They'll each be clearly labeled, so if you're not ready to read about suicide, you don't have to.  You can also come back and read them later.

To start, I'd like to recommend some easy-to-read, thoughtful, helpful pieces by my friend Hollis Easter.  

Among other things, Hollis "runs a telephone crisis hotline and teaches people how to listen, offer support, help people who think of suicide to choose life, and build lasting strength in communities."  Hollis is one of the friends and colleagues I've had deep, chewy conversations with about this issue, the kinds of conversations which catalyze other work. 

Here are some of Hollis' pieces I've found helpful in stumbling towards talking about this.  I hope they're helpful for you, too:

• Suicide-related terminology:  http://www.holliseaster.com/p/suicide-related-terminology/.  This is an excellent one to start with. 

• How to ask about suicide: http://www.holliseaster.com/p/ask-suicide/.  Do you know someone you think might be struggling, might be thinking about suicide, but you're afraid to ask?  Don't be.  

• Talking about suicide and Robin Williams' death: http://www.holliseaster.com/p/talking-about-suicide-robin-williams/

• Why you shouldn’t say “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”: http://www.holliseaster.com/p/suicide-permanent-solution-temporary-problem-isnt-helpful/

There are many more fascinating, and useful, articles at Hollis' blog; I recommend exploring.

If you are struggling with suicide, please, talk to someone.  

• In the US, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline free from anywhere at 1-800-273-TALK. 
• In the UK, you can call the Samaritans anytime, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on 08457 90 90 90. 
• In Scotland, you can call the Breathing Space phoneline, which is available 24 hours at weekends (6pm Friday - 6am Monday), and 6pm - 2am on weekdays (Monday - Thursday), on 0800 83 85 87.

Look for some more posts within the next week. 

This is gentle, tender work.  Be kind to yourself.  

Being in community: talking about dying and death

I am sitting on the patio, doing preparation for the workshop I'm leading this weekend on what happens before we can fill out all the end-of-life forms.  I'm listening to the birds and watching a front come in.  I just checked the pressure map, yep, there it is -- a cold front with a low-pressure system behind it...

The summer before last -- 2013 -- I facilitated a conversation at my Local Meeting about dying and death.  It started out as a report from two trips the Meeting supported me in making to Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre, one for a course on Creating Support for End of Life and Bereavement, one for the twice-annual gathering of QDD, the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death, and about why I'd wanted to go in the first place -- my long-standing ministry around dying and death.  It expanded to a more general conversation about needing and wanting to talk about dying and death, and not being sure how to start.  It became clear people really are hungry for more spaces, safe spaces, to talk about this.

I talked to my elder for this talk and another Local Meeting person involved with QDD, and the three of us got together and planned a day-long follow-up session for March.  That session ended up being about how we make the decisions that need to be made before we can fill out all those end-of-life planning forms -- the Quaker funeral wishes forms, advance decisions / advance directives, etc. -- and how we care for those who are left behind when we die.  It was sweet and tender and good. 

We were asked to bring it to the Area Meeting.  So I'm leading a similar session / workshop Saturday. 

Sitting here working on the prep, I'm struck by how much I love and enjoy this work.  It's not all grim.  It's not all horrible.  It's funny, it's sweet, it's human, it's real.  It's about being in community with each other and caring for each other.

Lots of other places in my ministry are much more intimidating for me than this...

Who is remembered, lives: Margot Adler

I learned today that Margot Adler has died. 

Amazing grace, how sweet the earth
That formed a witch like me
I once was burned, but now I thrive
Was hanged but now I sing

'Twas grace that drew down the moon
And grace that raised the sea
The magick of the people's will
Will set our Mother free!

Rest in peace, Margot. Who is remembered, lives. May your memory always be a blessing.

-----------

Related post: Margot Adler's "Amazing Grace," without shame

Gratitude: Nelson Mandela

How many of us are sad to learn of Nelson Mandela's death is likely not countable.

We all die. Death is part of life.  Mandela died at the end of a long and amazing life.  He gave South Africa and the rest of the world the gift of his life and his service, and we are tremendously enriched by that.  His death in the fullness of time is sad, yes -- but it is not tragic.  His death cannot make us poorer, cannot take away all he has done for his people and many peoples, cannot take away what he has given us.  His legacy goes on.  Who is remembered, lives; may his memory be a blessing.

And a goad to work for justice.

Gratitude: Nelson Mandela

What is something you have learned from Nelson Mandela?

Minute from the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death

Dear F/friends,

This is combination minute/epistle from the recent gathering of the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death.  Please feel free to share, and please feel free to ask me about our work.

In Friendship,
Blessed be,
Stasa

QDD Gathering, November 21st-22nd 2013 at Woodbrooke
Helping Children and Young People to face dying and death

Minute

We have explored our own memories and experiences in order to seek a greater understanding of how children and young people may best be supported in facing their bereavements.

We have been led to recognise that we cannot truly hear what children and young people need from us if we do not face our own losses with integrity.

We must be ready to acknowledge the intensity of children’s feelings and to allow a free expression of those feelings rather than stifling what we, as adults, find too disturbing to listen to.

We have learnt that, above all, we must be truthful and loving in preparing children for the facts of loss and death. Children and young people easily blame themselves for the death of a deeply loved relative, especially a parent. We can be gentle but strong in holding children emotionally and spiritually, and maybe, physically, while they make sense of human mortality. We have heard of the aunt who gave lasting comfort by saying, ‘I have known death all my life: there is nothing to be frightened of.’

As flawed human beings ourselves, we may make mistakes because of our own fears, sorrow or confusion; but we must return to the child or young person’s side, maybe with stumbling steps, but not with false promises. 

Through play and stories children and young people explore their confusion and hurt. In these ways they may discover a new understanding and hope however sombre this might seem. At each stage of maturing children and young people may need to visit their loss regularly, by being given the open acceptance of loving adults. We can help children create reservoirs of memories to affirm the friendly presence of the dead person in their lives.

At this Gathering, we have revealed our own vulnerability in a safe, supportive, loving environment, and so enabled each other to explore and accept our own feelings as we move towards healing. This 24 hour Gathering, led by two skilled facilitators, has brought us to a place where we recognise how precious this work is. We have learnt that transformation is possible, a transformation that accepts pain and joy exist together.

We feel more ready to accompany children and young people on their own journeying.

Blessed Samhain to you

Blessed Samhain to you!

Whether you are Pagan or not, feel free to share: 

• Who are your beloved dead whose memory you are honoring?
• Who are the dead you are glad have gone, whom you are glad to release?
• Who was born in this last year whom you are welcoming?
• What other endings, losses, and new beginnings do you recognize and honor?

 
 Also, Happy New Year to those of us for whom this is a new year... 
 

Dancing with the Beloved Dead at Beltane

It seemed like an odd time of year to be thinking about death.

It's spring; life is bounding forth.  It's Beltane, a welcoming of spring and celebration of all the new and returning life in nature.

But two things happened: I was getting ready to go to the semi-annual gathering of the Quaker Concern Around Dying and Death (QDD), and one of my social networking friends shared a new video, from the last week in April, of one of my favorite Samhain songs.


I found myself listening to it over and over.

'Cause when I die
I don’t want to rest in peace
I want to dance in joy
I want to dance in the graveyards, the graveyards
And while I’m alive
I don’t want to be alone
Mourning the ones who came before
I want to dance with them some more
Let’s dance in the graveyards
~ from “Dance in the Graveyards,” (c) Ian Holljes; recorded by Delta Rae on “Carry the Fire,” 2012

Walking the labyrinth at Woodbrooke Quaker Study Centre just before our gathering started, I remembered the Beloved Dead whom Roses, Too! Coven always honored at Beltane.  Several people we love died just before Beltane, or had special connections for us with Beltane or May Day, and we always named them, and tied a black ribbon onto our May Pole for them.

Walking the labyrinth, Spring abundant around me, I was also reminded that at Beltane and Samhain, the veil between the worlds is thinnest.  And while we may not expect visits from the Beloved Dead at Beltane, death and life are part of each other, and if the dead come calling at Beltane, let us dance in joy with them, around the May Pole and in the graveyards.  

More about Patricia Monaghan's death, and memorial arrangements

Via Aline O'Brien / M. Macha NightMare:

At Michael's request, I post the following:

I am devastated by the loss of my beloved wife and partner in all things, Patricia. I am also filled with gratitude and love for all the wonderful things said about Patricia. She has left our lives and yet she will live long. There is a huge hollow in me and in the life and all the things that Patricia and I did and will do.

She traveled a journey with cancer these last 2 years. It was a journey of hope and disappointment. It was a journey that included her work, whether it was finishing the paperback version of Goddesses and Heroines, how to strengthen the Black Earth Institute, the decorating scheme for the Wisconsin house after we moved from Chicago, or how to control the temperature in the new root cellar. She was concerned that we had not yet put the dried beans from the garden. On Friday evening we were working on editing a manuscript until 11:30 at night. She died at home in my arms on Sunday morning at 3:45AM.

She didn't like to be called brave though she was. She didn't at all like being called a force of nature but she was. She didn't like it when people said, "How can you do so much?", but she "did" from morn 'till night. W would work hard all day on many things and then say, "Well at least we got a little but done."

Patricia was a scholar, artist, spiritual practitioner and leader and political activist. She was a gardener and literally a path creator. One of my favorite memories is of her pulling our large honey suckle bushes in the wet spring soil to create a path in our woods. This creation she carried into all things, whether leading us to the goddess, to a land ethic or to the struggle for a more just society.

There will be an informal get together at Brigit Rest this Saturday from 2PM to 7PM. More like a potluck where in addition to covered dishes bring memories or mementos of Patricia. (Bring the covered dish, deserts and libations as well.

A formal ceremony will be held on Saturday December 1 at Brigit Rest as well. There will be a service at the Madison meeting hall of the Society of Friends (Quakers) likely the same day.

Let us all honor Patricia for all the things she was and will be.

Michael McDermott

The death of Patricia (Pat) Monaghan

Many are mourning the death of Patricia (Pat) Monaghan.  Pat's death has been confirmed by Selena Fox of Circle Sanctuary, and by Pat's nephew Brandon. 

Selena writes: 

In Memoriam: Patricia Monaghan, February 15, 1946 - November 11, 2012. Goddess scholar, women's spirituality pioneer, poet, author, longtime friend & neighbor Patricia Monaghan died early this morning at home near Black Earth, Wisconsin with her husband Michael McDermott with her. Brigit guide her passage to the Otherworld. Brigit aid us in our mourning. Brigit Blessings.

 

Pat had been ill recently and was very quiet about it during her treatment.   

 

Pat was a deeply-appreciated and much-loved mentor and friend to a number of people, among them Pagans, Friends, those who are both, those who are involved with feminist spirituality, and those involved with eco-spirituality and social justice.  

 

We will miss you, Pat.

Sally Ride: Those Who Have Gone Before and "Heroes"

The Ann Reed song "Heroes" was much in my mind during FGC Gathering this year.

In part, because Those Who Have Gone Before, and Those Who Will Come After, were much on my mind and in my heart during Gathering: my, and our, Ancestors and Descendants, spiritual and genetic; those who have inspired and will inspire me, those who have paved the way, those who have given me life in so many ways, those to whom I owe in some sense the work of my life, of my hands, of each day, to whom I am obligated in many ways small and large.  Those who have inspired me and to whom I owe it not to give up.  Those who have taught me joy.

My grandmother is one of those people.  She was very much with me.

People who were present at Gathering are some of those people.

"What can I learn from you...?"

I learned today of Sally Ride's death.

Dr. Sally Ride is one of those people for me, for all of her life, but especially when I was in high school and college.  She is also one of the women named in Ann Reed's song.

What can I learn from you?
In your lifetime, in what you've been through?
How'd you keep your head up and hold your pride
In an insane world how d'you keep on tryin'

One life can tell the tale
That if you make the effort, you cannot fail
By your life you tell me it can be done
By your life's the courage to carry on (to keep on tryin')

...Sojourner Truth, Eleanor Roosevelt,
Katharine Hepburn, Sally Ride
Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman
Annie Sullivan, Gertrude Stein...    

Today, I also learned that Sally Ride was a lesbian, and that she and her partner had been together for 27 years.

I hold her and her partner, Dr. Tam O' Shaughnessy, in my heart with tenderness.

• Here is Dr. Sally Ride's obituary in the New York Times:  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/24/science/space/sally-ride-trailblazing-astronaut-dies-at-61.html?pagewanted=all

• Here is a slideshow of pictures from different times in her career: http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2012/07/24/science/20120724_RIDE.html

• Here is Dr. Sally Ride's obituary in the Clarion-Ledger; it's a bit more personal:  http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20120724/NEWS/120724009/Sally-Ride-obit-survived-by-partner-Tam-O-Shaughnessy-legacy-first-lady-space?odyssey=nav|head

UPDATE, 25 July:

If you read only one article about Dr. Sally Ride, please read this one.

"The Astronaut Bride," by Amy Davidson
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/comment/2012/07/the-astronaut-bride.html#ixzz21e8IDKU3

Western Friend, April/May 2012: Friends on Aging and Dying

Western Friend, April/May 2012: Friends on Aging and Dying
http://westernfriend.org/magazine/current-issue/

"Have you had a chance yet to read the April/May issue of WF? It's raising the level of conversation among Friends around issues of aging and dying. Read more- including Mary Ann Percy's stories from working as a hospice chaplain- here online!"

Happy Beltane! Happy May Day!

What do Beltane and May Day mean to you?

For me, connection -- to the past, to the future, to community around the world, to social justice and collective work, and to the land, what's happening in Nature.

It's also about those who have gone before -- loved ones who have died near Beltane, especially those who loved May Day or Beltane -- and those who will come after -- young ones I have watched growing up dancing around the May Pole, or eating strawberries and cream for May Day breakfast. 

It's about faithfulness -- about weaving a Maypole every year, heeding that inner prompting, even when I don't fully understand why it's there, or why doing so is important. 

Weaving connection, weaving community, weaving justice, weaving spring and life's continuation.

I grew up with May Day as a welcome spring holiday and as a workers' holiday.  I went to a Quaker college that celebrated May Day with a day of canceled classes and festivities, including Maypole weaving/dancing (well, sometimes running).  They now hold May Day on the weekend, but many alumnae still celebrate wherever we are, even if our only outward observance is strawberries and cream.  I have celebrated Beltane in community with Pagans and Witches everywhere, even when all alone, even with (especially with?) myself and a lover.  I celebrated Beltane for many years with a community of feminist Witches and our extended community of many spiritualities and none at all.  I have hosted Maypole magic and May Day/Beltane potluck-food-and-hospitality magic from that Tradition in different parts of the US, and now in Scotland.  I have celebrated Beltane with regional Pagans in the DC area, and with Seattle's Radical Faeries and the Goddess Ravenna Ravine.   I have celebrated with friends and strangers. 

Weaving the web of life.

Blessed be. 

What are Beltane and May Day about for you?

Samhain 2011

Who are you thinking of tonight?  Who are you remembering?  Who are your beloved dead whom you honor?  Who are your not-so-beloved dead you wish to let go?  Who are those who have gone before?  Who are the babies born this last year whom you welcome? 

More on bedside and healing singing

In a recent post, I had mentioned both Threshold Choirs and that there are other groups that do bedside singing and different kinds of healing music ministry and outreach.  Some of the ones I know are Unitarian Universalist groups, some are Quaker groups (such as Nightingales in Northern Yearly Meeting), and I'm sure there are plenty of others I don't know about yet.

When I attended the Unitarian Universalist Musicians Network Conference in 2009, I went to a number of wonderful workshops.  One of them was facilitated by Kellie Walker, of Valley Unitarian Univeralist Congregation in Chandler, AZ, about HeartSongs, a music ministry program which focuses on healing.  I left with inspiration to take back to my vocal ensemble at home and to Quaker Meeting for Worship for Healing. 

My notes from that workshop are currently on a boat somewhere between the US and the UK, but earlier this week, new developments in Walker's program were spotlighted on the UUMN blog:

Heart-to-HeartSongs: Music Ministry Thrives in Chandler, AZ 
http://singingforourlives.wordpress.com/2011/09/06/heart-to-heartsongs-music-ministry-thrives-in-chandler-arizona/

There are all sorts of neat things that have come about in the last two years in this work.  

For more information about the program and about the Voices Lifted Singers -- including recommendations for how to start your own group -- see:
 
Heart-to-HeartSongs: Voices Lifted Music Ministry
http://hearttoheartsongs.wordpress.com/

Enjoy reading, and do make sure to check out some of the videos from the Voices Lifted Singers.  They're wonderful. 

Thinking again about inconsolable grief, and company along the way

I have been thinking again about inconsolable grief.  About how some deaths make sense, some deaths we can eventually make sense out of, and some we don't necessarily ever make sense of.  We live with them as the edges wear to somewhat less sharpness.

Beloved Wife and I are going through a death in our family that doesn't make sense.

It has a narrative which either of us can tell you.  That narrative, in its own strange way, makes sense to me through the lens of my training, education, and experience.  I can explain any number of things to you about it.  But it doesn't make sense to my gut, nor, I think, to hers, or to anyone's in our family.  

That's part of the difference between explanation and lived experience. 

I'm reminded of how I feel tongue-tied when people want me to explain Paganism or Witchcraft or Quakerism to them in a way that makes these things make sense to them, that helps them understand them.  I can explain, but I can't give them the experience, and the experience is, after all, what is central in these experiential mystical traditions/religions/spiritualities.

Or when people I work with one-on-one or in groups want me to explain trauma recovery, the process of grieving, the process of re-connecting with their sense of That-Which-Is-Sacred, or other kinds of healing.

But in those situations, there's something different.  It's more personal.  And the person asking is usually also asking for hope: Tell me I can do this.  Tell me this is possible for me.

(Yes.  Yes, it is.  No, you will not be alone.)  

Life is like that.  The explanations, the words on paper or the screen, are reflections of the reality.  They can hint, but they can't convey the fullness, the reality, of experience.

And as I wrote earlier, these aren't things we can fix for each other, or do for each other.  But these are things we can accompany each other during.  And that's important.  

My gut refuses any sense of this death, at the same time my brain can't help seeing the patterns that are there, and the vast gaps where there are none.

And so here I am, again, faced with an inconsolable grief, one that is both my own and where I have care for others affected by it. 

I've written about inconsolable grief before, about what's helpful and what's not.  (I also very much appreciated the gentle and loving conversation in the comments on that piece from people about what they'd found helpful, and not helpful, and why, in their own grief.) 

I very much appreciate your holding us, and our family, in the Light, or doing whatever your own personal practice is when you hold someone in your spiritual care.  I appreciate your being gentle with me while I'm still in shock.  I appreciate your not trying to fix the unfixable, and most of all, just being with, being present, being company during the process.

Deaths of two elders: Margaret Hope Bacon and Merlin Stone

Beloved Quaker historian/herstorian Margaret Hope Bacon recently died.

I knew Margaret from the Meeting where I first came to Quakerism.  She was an amazing woman as well as a wonderful historian.  She also told women's untold herstories.

I believe every modern Goddess worshiper, Pagan, Witch, Feminist Witch, and feminist should read Mothers of Feminism... at least once. :)

Margaret's obituary in the Philadelphia Inquirer:
http://www.philly.com/philly/obituaries/20110227_Historian_inspired_by_lives_dedicated_to_good.html?viewAll=y

Beloved (and controversial) elder, author, and scholar Merlin Stone also died recently.  When God Was a Woman still remains one of the most essentially thought-provoking books ever for many women when it comes to religion and spirituality.

They are both sorely missed; but so many give thanks for their long lives, well-lived.

About Sarah's poem

I first heard Sarah Leuze's poem "In Wildness" read aloud at this year's Mid-Winter Gathering of Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns.  Read out loud in a powerful voice by someone who loved and loves her very much. 

It blew me away.  My breath caught.  Tears came to my eyes.  I knew right away this was the poem I'd been waiting for, for this year's on-line Brigid poetry festival. 

I'm grateful to Robert for permission to reprint it here.

p.s.  For a copy of Sarah Leuze: a collection of her poetry, fiction, and a memoir - with photos and biographical notes, please contact her estate, below.