Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Epistle from the Polyamorous and/or Kinky Friends Retreat

Sharing.  - sm

Dear Friends,

During the weekend of March 21, 2014, a small group of Friends who identify as polyamorous and/or kinky met together in retreat for fellowship and discernment, with a focus on the intersection of spirituality and sexuality. We enjoyed good food and warm fires as we shared stories and got to know each other better.

We are part of a larger group of Friends who have been meeting during FGC Gatherings and FLGBTQC Midwinter Gatherings over the last few years, and this was our first opportunity for such an extended time together. We continue to wrestle worshipfully with questions of how we might be more integrated into the wider community of the Religious Society of Friends. We long to have our relationships recognized and respected, but we also hope to share our gifts, talents, and ministry.  We are abundantly blessed with gifts for open-hearted loving, and experienced with the radical honesty that our relationships call us to. We hold ourselves to high standards of integrity, truth, and faithfulness, and it pains us that we are limited in the expression of our gifts by common misunderstandings of who we are and what we do.

We wonder why the Divine has brought us together, and what our faithful work might be. We are on a path that is not clear to us, but despite our fears and uncertainties, we strive to be faithful, and to use the relative privilege and safety we enjoy to begin work that we hope will increase understanding, grace, and love. Sending this epistle in the tradition of Friends is our next step. We welcome your prayers as our work continues and our path slowly unfolds before us.

In love and faithfulness,

SH, Daniel C. Hall, David, Vonn New, Adlai, Su Penn, Ann, SW, CL, and Judy

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Queries, and happy Spring Equinox!

Happy Spring Equinox! 

Today we focus on breaking the bonds of Winter and emerging into Spring. 
  • From which bonds are you freeing yourself?  
  • Who can you call on to help you?  
  • What, or who, meets you when you emerge?

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Friend of the Court Brief in Kitchen v. Herbert

I am very pleased and happy to share that Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns has joined many other faith groups on a friend of the court brief filed today by Kramer Levin in Kitchen v. Herbert, the Utah marriage equality case before the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals. 

I'll write a more detailed blog post about it tomorrow, with a link to the brief and all. 

The Utah court cited the prior briefs from Kramer Levin in the Windsor and Perry cases, to which we were also signatories, which was hugely significant. 

Yay!  And congratulations to all the signatories!

And thank you all, everyone who helped me with marriage minute information and contacts for faith communities in the area of the 10th Circuit who support same-sex marriage.  It helped. 

Blessed be!

Friday, February 28, 2014

"An Open Letter to the General Secretary of Friends United Meeting"

An Open Letter to the General Secretary of Friends United Meeting
by Helen Marie Staab

Good evening Colin,

My name is Helen and I was present for the discussion at Beacon Hill Friends House this past Sunday. I wanted to write to thank you for coming all this way to speak with us, and to take a moment to speak to my concerns on this issue.

I want to be clear that while this is a deeply personal issue for me, it is also deeply spiritual. Neither my personal stake in rights for LGBTQ Friends nor the current cultural climate make my feelings on this any less Spirit-led. I too have labored with, prayed over, and sought truth on this subject. My struggle has not been to discern the morality or sinfulness of my sexuality, but whether I can be part of a religion that uses theology as an excuse for bigotry. I have struggled with whether, as a youth worker, I can encourage youth to be Quaker when I know that not all circles of Friends will welcome them. I have questioned whether I can faithfully live my ministry as a youth worker in a broader community that would have me hide who I am in order to be allowed to work with youth.

I am honored to spend time with Quaker youth, Queer youth, and broader populations of underprivileged youth, and I can tell you that this is a life or death situation. The risk that Quakers take when we cannot unite against prejudice is not that some straight Friends are going to feel uncomfortable, it's that people will keep on dying, and we will be complicit in our inaction.  There are children sleeping on the street, being murdered, and killing themselves because they do not have a community that is willing to take a stand for them. I myself am not willing to prioritize the discomfort of overcoming prejudice over their lives. To be asked to do so is an insult to me, to the youth, and to the truth that I believe to be at the core of our faith.

Additionally insulting to my faith is the implication that a community can be welcoming without being affirming. When we welcome only the parts of a person that do not challenge us to grow, we invalidate their existence as a whole person. No person can feel truly welcome in a place where they are not affirmed, and to suggest that we ought to settle for that implies that we are not worthy of the full love of the community and of God. Communities that do not seek to affirm all members are stunting themselves spiritually and cutting themselves off from the possibility for wholeness. Quakerism teaches us that we must be ready to be transformed by our faith, and the principles of radical love and inclusivity require readiness for total transformation as well. To settle for anything less is to sell ourselves short.

I'm not going to address the theological basis for homophobia. I am hoping that you know as well as I that there is no possible justification that can outweigh our call to see the Light of God in every person and affirm each other's ability to love & grow in whatever form that comes. The time for Quakers to unify on this issue and come out in full support of LGBTQ rights has come and gone; we are behind. We have watched people die while we discern how uncomfortable it might make some of us to let go of our prejudices. My position on this may sound extreme, and I do empathize with the nuances and complexities that exist in our community, but it is as simple as this: We are here to witness and be transformed by the radical love of God and to bring that love to others. There is no room for discrimination there, and there is no justification for allowing suffering and death to continue while we pick and choose what manifestations of love we affirm.

I hope that you will take the words that you heard on Sunday back with you to others in FUM. I felt that discussion to be very powerful and spirit led, and I am endlessly grateful to be part of a community that speaks the truth so clearly and without hesitation. I hope too that you can hear my words and know that they are fueled both by a deep love for the Quaker community and a steadfast conviction that we can, and must, do better.  

(c) 2014 Helen Marie Staab.  Reprinted with permission.  

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Self-care reminders

Child sexual abuse is very much in the news and commentary just now. 
A reminder for survivors of violence against women, child abuse, sexual assault, and domestic violence:

You can take a break from the coverage and the discussions. You don't have to follow it all. You don't have to participate in all your friends' conversations about it. You don't have to read anything you don't want to or be part of any conversations you don't want to.

What still remains most important is self-care. We can't help other victims and survivors, and we can't change rape culture, by doing things that jeopardize our own recovery.

Wear your own oxygen mask. Help other survivors get theirs on.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Faith communities and individuals supporting marriage equality in Utah and surrounding areas?

Dear friends,

I am looking for faith/religious groups and individuals who support same-sex marriage / marriage equality, in the following areas in the US:  

  • Utah
  • Oklahoma
  • additionally, Colorado, New Mexico, Kansas, and Wyoming

I am particularly looking for Quaker, Unitarian Universalist, and Jewish groups and individuals, but individuals and groups from ANY faith tradition/religion would also be helpful.  

(This is a request related to some work I'm doing with a third-party group in that area.)

Please let me know of any groups or individuals in that area. I need to turn this around in about a week. 

Thanks so much!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Brigid Poetry Festival: IMBOLC

Snow on trees and birdbath.  (c) 2014 Mari Elm
Snow on trees and birdbath.  (c) 2014 Mari Elm
A belated post for the 2014 Brigid Poetry Festival.  - sm


Once-sleeping seeds
Under a blanket of snow
And hard, cold Earth
Now stir,
Sending tendrils yet unseen
Of fragile life
Upward, outward.
The Sun grows longer, stronger,
Fueling, coaxing
Potential withal warm light.
The Cycle begins again
And we rejoice,

(C) Rev. Mari Elm
February 2014
reprinted with permission

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Urgent: final vote for the Marriage and Civil Partnership Bill (Scotland)

The final vote for the Marriage and Civil Partnership Bill (Scotland) is on 4 February.

If you live in Scotland, please (please, please) contact MSPs and ask them:
1) to vote for Scotland's Equal Marriage bill and
2) to reject any negative amendments.

You can do so through this link:

As you may know, Quakers, Unitarian Universalists, and many Jewish groups in Scotland have supported this campaign for equal marriage as a matter of religious liberty.

This bill will also make a tremendous difference in the lives of people you know -- including me and Beloved Wife.

So as a personal favor, I ask you to contact MSPs. Thank you.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

What shall I tell you about Winter Solstice?

Shall I tell you about the holiness of every day, of the sacredness of each of the four seasons? Shall I tell you about how tracking the seasons helps me understand, in a deeply...  Read more

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Winter Solstice

Today is the longest night and shortest day of the year in the Northern Hemisphere.

What time did the sun rise where you are, and what time will it set?

(Bonus points for folks in the Southern Hemisphere...)

You can find your sunrise and sunset times at these links:

Happy Winter Solstice!