Being in community when our Gods are different

This autumn, I had the privilege to attend Rhiannon Grant's workshop "Or Whatever You Call It" with F/friends from South East Scotland Area Meeting (Quakers).  It was an interesting and fun workshop, and I'm glad we brought it to SESAM.

Much of Grant's work with Quakers centres on how modern Friends use language to talk about That-Which-Is-Sacred, and is particularly informed by philosophy.  My work amongst Friends starts from experience, and then comes to language pretty quickly: we need language to reflect our experience, to be able to talk to each other about it, one way to be in spiritual community with each other.  And Quakers are very wordy, very language-oriented people.  So her approach was really interesting for me.  

After spending the day in different kinds of exercises, thinking and talking about different words, and what they mean, and why, and different names for Whatever You Call It, we settled into large-group worship-sharing with this query:

Does telling your truth require you to use any particular words? 

Quite a lot came bubbling up for me during this worship.

----------------

In order to be a faithful Friend, {my truth requires me to / Goddess requires me to / I must} use words some Friends often react to with hostility.  Goddess.  Witch.  Pagan.  Priestess.  Gods.  But other minority Friends, especially other Pagan and non-Christian Friends, are often very relieved to hear those words.

If I am speaking my own truth, in my own words, not translating into other people's words / language, then yes, it does require particular words.

To what extent are we obligated to translate as we speak?  As we listen?  Why am I so often, as a minority, the person expected to do both?

I, as a non-Christian Friend, am expected to be conversant about Jesus.  Why aren't other Friends expected to be conversant with other Gods?

Yes, well, Quakerism is also historically white and straight as well.

Gods, plural.  If you want me to take your relationship with Jesus, Spirit, God, Whatever You Call It, seriously, and I want you to take my relationship with the Goddess / the Gods seriously, we both have to allow as how they both might exist -- and are not the same.

---------------- 

Among Friends, I no longer have to pretend my wife is a man and I'm in a mixed-gender relationship.  I no longer have to translate into heterosexual marriage terms for other Friends.

I should not have to pretend I'm in relationship with a different Deity than the One(s) I am in relationship with, either.

If you want me to take your relationship with Jesus, Spirit, God, Whatever You Call It, seriously, then you need to take my relationship with the Goddess / the Gods seriously.  

Brigid is not Jesus in a skirt.  And the Cailleach is neither.

I am talking about radical equality.

Jesus is a privileged god in Quakerism.

Jesus cannot be a privileged god if we are all Friends and all Friends are equal.

What does radical equality ask of each of us when it comes to being present with, bearing witness to, each others' spiritual lives?  When it comes to being in spiritual community with one another?  

Queries for Samhain

Friendly Pumpkin, (c) Anders Lagerås, used with permission

Friday is Samhain, the Witches' New Year and the Feast of the Beloved Dead. 

It's the time of year when many of us honor those who have gone before, remember our beloved dead, recognize our not-so-beloved dead and let them go, mourn (and celebrate) endings, welcome new babies, welcome the presence of new people in our lives, and celebrate new beginnings.  

Many Pagans feel that this night, the veil between the worlds, between the living and the dead, the seen and the unseen, is thinnest.  Witches have a saying, "Who is remembered, lives."  In Roses, Too! Tradition, Samhain is a time when we honor our ancestors, physical and spiritual, and cultures which have nurtured us.  

Queries for Samhain:

• How are you marking your endings, your losses, the deaths that have happened this year, the deaths that have happened in the past that are still with you?  
• In what ways do you do to honor your ancestors and those who have gone before? 
• What foods have come to you from them?  What ordinary, everyday things?  What special-occasion things?
• What gifts from those who have gone before do you pass down or share in the world?  
• How are you welcoming new babies and new people who have come into the world or your life this last year?  

May your Samhain be blessed. 

May these next weeks between the Feast of the Beloved Dead and the Rebirth of the Sun at Yule be a time of rich darkness for you. 

Is your spiritual path a labyrinth?

First off, yesterday was Beltane and I was somewhere warm.  That was wonderful.  (What's "warm"?  Er, 15 C / 59 F.  My, how my standards have changed...)

Yesterday afternoon I was walking an outdoor, grass labyrinth (in the warm sun, mmmm).  There was a moment when its path took me very close to the center.  But suddenly, it changed direction and took me back much closer to the outer edge.  Dramatically. 

I was very much struck by the example of the labyrinth as spiritual path. 

Right that moment, following the path took me physically further away from the center.  Yet at the same time, it took me closer towards the center in terms of the process of the labyrinth, the path of the labyrinth.

I feel like this describes an awful lot of life.  And an awful lot of spiritual life.

Also: this labyrinth was generously dotted with goose poop.  I got to decide to step on it or around it. 

Does your spiritual journey ever feel like a labyrinth?  Does it ever feel like a labyrinth dotted with goose poop?

May all the goose poop in your life become fertilizer. 

What it feels like to be full, spiritually

From the final FLGBTQC (Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns) worship at FGC Gathering this summer:

I am so tired physically.  And yet I do not feel depleted.  I feel full. 

It has been so long since I felt full in this way.  I think that often I am reaching because my spiritual reserves or reservoirs feel empty.  And yet as exhausted as I am I do not feel depleted; I feel abundant.  I feel filled.  

I'm thinking about how wonderful working with [a particular group of people in Edinburgh] has felt.  And yet after, I feel in myself that reaching, because doing that work with those lovely people feels like a scarcity.  A wonderful drink of cold, clear water, leaving me wanting more, to drink until I am not thirsty.  

My spiritual hunger has been fed this week.  

In so many ways.  

And it is wonderful.  

Ritual outline for Meeting for Worship

There is an arc to the ritual in unprogrammed Quaker Meeting for Worship. 

It's plain to me.  And it's something I can't help seeing, with my background and training -- in my undergraduate and graduate studies; in my spiritual and religious work; as a Friend; as a Priestess & Witch.

I've written and talked about this in Meeting for Worship some before, including in "'Four Doors to Meeting for Worship' from a Quaker Witch's Perspective" (http://aquakerwitch.blogspot.com/2009/03/adult-religious-education-presentation.html). 

But I've been thinking about it a lot again lately.  

* * * * *

Here's the ritual outline for how Meeting for Worship went in one of the Meetings where I was active for several years:

Outline for Meeting for Worship at [Blank] Friends Meeting: 

• Gather
• Meeting for Worship begins when first person starts to worship, usually a few minutes before 11:00 am
• 11:10, doors close; latecomers are not admitted until children leave
• There might or might not be vocal ministry
• At 11:20, an appointed person signals that it's time for the children to leave; the children leave worship and latecomers enter worship
• There might or might not be vocal ministry 
• At 11:50, the appointed person stands and explains Joys and Sorrows
• Joys and Sorrows
• At app. 12:00, the appointed person shakes hands with the person next to them; shaking of hands continues
• The appointed person stands, makes some routine/regular/repeated announcements about the Meeting; welcomes newcomers and visitors and asks them and those who have not been there for a while to stand and introduce themselves; makes additional announcements and passes out printed announcements; requests donations; other Friends may ask to make other announcements; eventually, appointed person declares we are done and invites everyone to social hour / coffee, tea, snacks
• Room is cleaned up

That looks like a ritual outline to my experienced eye.  A pretty simple ritual outline, but a ritual outline. 

How does this look in other Meetings, or in general?

Well, as with all ritual, there are things we need to do ahead of time, and there's what happens during the event itself. 

Ahead of time:

• Make sure the chairs and/or benches are set up the right way / the way we like them / the way approved by the appropriate committee (Worship and Ministry, Ministry and Counsel, Elders & Overseers, etc) -- whether in a circle, in rows, in squares
• Put small tables between some of the chairs
• Put the central table in place
• Make sure the guest book is in its place, that it has a pen, and that the light is on over the guest book, etc.
• Put books and literature on facing benches or central table, some on smaller tables: Faith and Practice, Advices and Queries, different versions of Hebrew and Christian scriptures, hymnals, printed announcements, the monthly newsletter, other announcements, etc.
• Put bowls for contributions on central table or envelopes for contributions on facing benches or appropriate places
• Put carafe of water and empty glasses on central table (or appropriate places)
• Put flowers on central table (or appropriate places)
• Turn on loop hearing system
• Decide who closes Meeting
• Decide who speaks at rise of Meeting
• Decide who has care of Meeting (which member/s of Worship & Ministry or Ministry & Counsel, Elders & Overseers, etc., are expected to be present)
• If there's a special collection, decide who will talk about it
• If children are present for the first part of worship, decide who determines when it's time for them to leave
• Decide who will clean up room; if it's a rented/hired space, who puts chairs back, etc.
• Determine who is responsible for social hour -- coffee / tea / snacks / etc. -- providing these, serving these, cleaning up afterwards, etc.
• Decide who closes the doors to latecomers and who opens them again

Some of these don't apply to every Quaker Meeting; there are other things I haven't listed here that could also be included. 

During Meeting for Worship: 

• Gather
• Greeters / doorkeepers greet people at the door(s), makes sure newcomers know where to go, especially newcomers with children
• Meeting for Worship begins when first person starts to worship 
• Those who have official roles take their places -- care of Meeting / Elders & Overseers / members of Worship & Ministry or Ministry & Counsel, person closing Meeting, person handling announcements, etc.
• There might or might not be vocal ministry
• Greeters / doorkeepers / appointed person(s) close doors to keep latecomers from entering
• If children are present for the first part of worship, children leave after X minutes
• Latecomers enter; if not when children leave, greeters / doorkeepers / appointed person(s) open doors at pre-arranged time for latecomers
• There might or might not be vocal ministry
• If children come into worship later, or leave and return, children enter worship after Y minutes
• There might or might not be vocal ministry
• If Joys and Sorrows, Joys and Sorrows
• Shaking of hands by appointed person at appointed time
• Appointed person welcomes everyone and speaks about the Meeting in general, including requesting donations; also asks visitors, newcomers, and those returning after absences to introduce themselves
• In some Meetings, all present introduce themselves
• The children may share what they did during First Day School / Children's Meeting
• Appointed person makes announcements; there may be additional announcements from the floor
• If there is a special collection, a different appointed person speaks about that organization and requests money
• There may be a reading from Advices & Queries
• There may be a brief resumption of silent worship
• Appointed person "releases" the meeting
• Room is cleaned up

Again, some of these don't apply to every Quaker Meeting, and there are other things I haven't listed here that could also be included.

So, yes, we have ritual.

One question is, are we honest about it?

* * * * *

Friends (Quakers) like to say we don't have ritual.

Before I ever started attending Meeting for Worship regularly, I had a fair amount of experience as a Priestess & Witch analyzing spiritual and religious ritual, as well as some experience and undergraduate training with cultural ritual, too.  And as I spent more time in unprogrammed Meeting for Worship, it became pretty obvious to me that Quakers have ritual, without calling it that.

September 11, 2001, further convinced me of this.  That week, my Meeting, like many others, hosted Meetings for Worship outside our regular Sunday, or First Day, worship.  Suddenly, just how much ritual was involved each week became clearer to me.

Because the usual people from the usual committee were not always available, other people, who were less practiced, had to set up for Meeting for Worship, had to "run" Meeting for Worship, had to end it, had to herd people out at the end, etc.

Because we have no clergy / we're all clergy, and because we believe we all know how to do this, no one made plans ahead of time for who was responsible for worship -- and those of us from the Meeting who showed up found it hard going when we arrived.  Where were the guest book and pen?  The bibles and hymnals and copies of Faith and Practice for the facing benches?  Should we have informational pamphlets available?  Which ones?  Where are they stored?  Since we had so many people from the community, should someone introduce and explain Meeting for Worship at the beginning?  Who would close Meeting?  Did anyone have "care of Meeting," the particular task of holding the Meeting for Worship in the Light and helping to center it?  Should someone speak at the end after the shaking of hands?  What would they say?  (What did the usual people say?  Where was the script they used -- ?)

We muddled through.  It was stressful.

It was illuminating.

A few years later, I gained further academic experience analyzing ritual in religious and spiritual contexts.  From a religious studies point of view, from a ritual studies point of view, yes, Quakers have ritual.

It's very simple ritual.  But it's there. 

Balaam's ass kicked mine

At FGC Gathering this summer, when I was at the Meeting for Worship hosted by FLGBTQC one afternoon, a Jewish Friend gave vocal ministry about Balaam's ass.

Rather than share her re-telling -- which I honestly can't -- here is the version of the story of Balaam's ass told in the World English Bible: 

1 The children of Israel traveled, and encamped in the plains of Moab beyond the Jordan at Jericho.

2 Balak the son of Zippor saw all that Israel had done to the Amorites. 3 Moab was very afraid of the people, because they were many: and Moab was distressed because of the children of Israel. 4 Moab said to the elders of Midian, "Now this multitude will lick up all that is around us, as the ox licks up the grass of the field." Balak the son of Zippor was king of Moab at that time. 5 He sent messengers to Balaam the son of Beor, to Pethor, which is by the River, to the land of the children of his people, to call him, saying, "Behold, there is a people who came out from Egypt. Behold, they cover the surface of the earth, and they are staying opposite me. 6 Please come now therefore curse me this people; for they are too mighty for me: perhaps I shall prevail, that we may strike them, and that I may drive them out of the land; for I know that he whom you bless is blessed, and he whom you curse is cursed."

7 The elders of Moab and the elders of Midian departed with the rewards of divination in their hand; and they came to Balaam, and spoke to him the words of Balak. 8 He said to them, "Lodge here this night, and I will bring you word again, as Yahweh shall speak to me." The princes of Moab stayed with Balaam. 9 God came to Balaam, and said, "Who are these men with you?" 10 Balaam said to God, "Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab, has sent to me, [saying], 11 'Behold, the people that is come out of Egypt, it covers the surface of the earth: now, come curse me them; perhaps I shall be able to fight against them, and shall drive them out.'" 12 God said to Balaam, "You shall not go with them. You shall not curse the people; for they are blessed." 13 Balaam rose up in the morning, and said to the princes of Balak, "Go to your land; for Yahweh refuses to permit me to go with you." 14 The princes of Moab rose up, and they went to Balak, and said, "Balaam refuses to come with us."

15 Balak sent yet again princes, more, and more honorable than they. 16 They came to Balaam, and said to him, "Thus says Balak the son of Zippor, 'Please let nothing hinder you from coming to me: 17 for I will promote you to very great honor, and whatever you say to me I will do. Please come therefore, and curse this people for me.'" 18 Balaam answered the servants of Balak, "If Balak would give me his house full of silver and gold, I can't go beyond the word of Yahweh my God, to do less or more. 19 Now therefore, please wait also here this night, that I may know what Yahweh will speak to me more." 20 God came to Balaam at night, and said to him, "If the men have come to call you, rise up, go with them; but only the word which I speak to you, that you shall do."

21 Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his donkey, and went with the princes of Moab.

22 God's anger was kindled because he went; and the angel of Yahweh placed himself in the way for an adversary against him. Now he was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. 23 The donkey saw the angel of Yahweh standing in the way, with his sword drawn in his hand; and the donkey turned aside out of the way, and went into the field: and Balaam struck the donkey, to turn her into the way. 24 Then the angel of Yahweh stood in a narrow path between the vineyards, a wall being on this side, and a wall on that side. 25 The donkey saw the angel of Yahweh, and she thrust herself to the wall, and crushed Balaam's foot against the wall: and he struck her again. 26 The angel of Yahweh went further, and stood in a narrow place, where there was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left. 27 The donkey saw the angel of Yahweh, and she lay down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his staff. 28 Yahweh opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?" 29 Balaam said to the donkey, "Because you have mocked me, I wish there were a sword in my hand, for now I would have killed you." 30 The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your donkey, on which you have ridden all your life long to this day? Was I ever in the habit of doing so to you?" He said, "No."

31 Then Yahweh opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of Yahweh standing in the way, with his sword drawn in his hand; and he bowed his head, and fell on his face. 32 The angel of Yahweh said to him, "Why have you struck your donkey these three times? Behold, I have come forth as an adversary, because your way is perverse before me: 33 and the donkey saw me, and turned aside before me these three times. Unless she had turned aside from me, surely now I would have killed you, and saved her alive." 34 Balaam said to the angel of Yahweh, "I have sinned; for I didn't know that you stood in the way against me. Now therefore, if it displeases you, I will go back again." 35 The angel of Yahweh said to Balaam, "Go with the men; but only the word that I shall speak to you, that you shall speak." So Balaam went with the princes of Balak.

from http://worldebible.com/numbers/22.htm

This is not a new story to me.  I enjoyed hearing her retelling of it.

And then her ministry kicked me in the gut.  

One of the things she asked was:

In what ways am I letting self-interest -- riches, other people's opinions -- separate me from G-d, keep me from seeing the angel?

Balaam's ass kicked mine.  

As I sat in worship, I found myself asking:

• In what ways is this happening in my own Quaker community?  Am I letting others' opinions about how to be a good Quaker come between me and the Goddess and how the Goddess informs my Quakerism?  Am I letting my desire for their good opinion mean more than my authentic connection with, relationship with, the Goddess?  Am I letting other people's opinions twist my basic Quakerism?  Am I letting other people's notions of Quakerism, and my desire for community, corporate discernment, and Quaker process, mean more than genuine Quakerism?  
• Community vs. integrity is an artificial, no-win fight. 
• Am I allowing my desire to be a faithful Friend, in terms of community, keep me from being a faithful Friend, in terms of integrity and the Goddess? 

Hard questions.  Good questions to be asking, though.

If I am letting the desire for other people's good opinions of me separate me from the Goddess, keep me from "seeing the angel," than I know I need to stop.  I need and want most to be a faithful Friend by being faithful to how She leads me.  I know from experience there lies joy. 

But one of the gifts of Quakerism, indeed of spiritual community, is the assistance of others in discerning the movement of the Spirit, of the Gods, in our lives, and of the direction that movement takes.

It can be very hard to recognize that the people with whom we are trying to be in spiritual community are not leading us to be in greater tune with That-Which-Is-Sacred, but asking us to compromise ourselves.

It can be very hard for me to recognize that the people with whom I am trying to be in spiritual community are not leading me to be in greater tune with, faithful to, That-Which-Is-Sacred, but asking me to compromise myself. 

I am reminded of two things:

• Merry Stanford sharing: 'It was among Friends that I yearned so strongly to belong that I strove to be a “good” Quaker, rather than an authentic one.' (http://www.friendsjournal.org/i-am-who-i-am/)

• When the Meeting where I became a member didn't ask, "What will the neighbors think?," but rather, "How are we led?," and, "How can we help you be faithful?" 

I suspect there will be more with Balaam's ass in the future.

p.s.  Doesn't "Balaam's ass" get her own name?  She's designated as female in every version of this story I've read.  She's a creature of the Goddess, That-of-Goddess, herself.  Why should she be known only in reference to some guy?  Besides, if she's coming into my life as some sort of spirit guide, she needs her own name.  Well, I expect She'll share Her name when she's good and ready; but perhaps in the meantime you all can help me come up with a place-holder name for Her of Her own, other than "Balaam's ass."

From worship last First Day: tikkun olam and Pirkei Avot 2:20

Some of the themes that wove themselves through the vocal ministry during Meeting for Worship last First Day included ethical behavior and justice; how our own personal behavior and choices effect justice in the world, effect other people and creatures and the planet; hope; and overwhelmedness.  

Are our choices too small in the grand scheme of things to matter, or does every single action make a difference? 

Perhaps because of the spiritual / religions traditions I was raised in -- Catholicism, Witchcraft, Judaism -- I have always known, in a deep, unshakable place, that all actions toward tikkun olam, toward healing the world, make a difference.  (It took longer to learn that it is not up to me to do this by myself.  Whew!) 

So the two things that came to me on First Day were this:

• That what we were all talking about, in that thread in the vocal ministry, is tikkun olam; 
• and that:

"It is not incumbent upon you to complete the work; neither are you free to desist from it." (Pirkei Avot / Ethics of the Fathers 2:21)

Blessed be. 

Busy hands; centered worship; the web of community

I was in a meeting recently of a clearness committee I'd agreed to serve on.

Before we started, I said something along the lines of, "I just want to share with you all that if I crochet during our worship together, it's not disrespect; it's that with my disability, it helps me listen better.  I know there's been some talk -- not among this group here, but in the larger community, and so you may have heard it -- about my crocheting in worship.  So..."

The more I talked, the more shocked they looked.  I trailed off.

Our convenor, a strong and powerful woman, shared, in a way that was somehow serene, tender, and no-nonsense all at once, about someone she knows who has a learning disability, but as soon as she has something to do with her hands, can quiet and center herself. 

It was very clear I didn't need to explain myself.  These women completely understood and supported my doing handwork while we worshiped and worked together.

I felt held in the Light, and in the web of community.

from Full Moon Worship

We hosted Full Moon Worship Monday night, and it was truly lovely.

Those who gather choose worship or worship-sharing, depending on their spiritual needs or simply what they want.  In recent months, worship-sharing has been popular, but on Monday, those gathered chose worship.  

Two cats chose to join us, and helped deepen our worship. 

There were a few vocal messages, and with a distinct theme.  It seemed to speak to those present, given the conversation afterwards. 

As is often the case, there was music with me in worship; in this case, "Shadow/Light." This is a piece written by Juliet Spitzer, adapting two poems of Rumi's, and recorded by SheWho.  (This is a piece which I love to teach.) 

Here are snippets of the two poems:

You must have shadow and light-source both
Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe...

This door is not the door of hopelessness and frustration
This door is open...
Come, come as you are.

Spring Equinox: shedding the bonds of winter

Last week in Meeting for Worship, I had Suzanne Sterling's chant "Inanna" running through my head. 

Why?, I wondered.  That's very much a fall tune.  And realized, well, yes, that was in my head at Fall Equinox.  And here we are, half the year later, half-way 'round, at Spring Equinox. 

These queries came to me:

• What wholeness have you found underground?  In winter?  (Take a moment before going on to the next query.)
• What truths?  (Take a moment before going on to the next query.)
• What bonds of winter, of the underworld, are you shedding as you emerge into spring?  Into the sunlight?  (Take a moment.)

The music that came to me next was another song/chant I learned from Reclaiming, "Snake Woman":

Snake woman, shedding Her skin
Snake woman, shedding Her skin
Shedding, shedding, shedding Her skin
Shedding, shedding, shedding Her skin...

Blossom woman, opening wide...

And some of the Spring parts from "Kore Evohe," by Sabine Becker and John Schrag*:

Kore, bright and wild, Summer's blessed child
Spring incarnate and joy in bloom...
Life uprising from Winter's tomb
Kore, evohe!  Kore, evohe!  Kore, evohe!

Welcome, Spring!

 *recorded by SheWho on A Winter Solstice Singing Ritual

Some Advices and Queries active in my life right now

There's a concern I've been laboring under for a number of years in the Society of Friends.  It's come up afresh over the last few months, and it socked me right in the stomach a little over a week ago, what's more, very personally and locally.

This First Day, due to uncontrollable circumstances at home -- cat-related; I need say no more, and you may laugh, as long as it's sympathetic -- I arrived late at Meeting for Worship.  I joined Beloved Wife, who'd actually gone to Meeting ahead of me and gotten there early.

I gratefully settled into worship next to her in the bright sunshine. 

Our Meeting tends to have numerous copies of both Britain Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice and the Advices and Queries, a small booklet separated out from F&P, scattered throughout the Meeting room.   

Although its immediacy had faded somewhat in my daily life, my concern was very much present in my worship.

I found myself looking through Advices and Queries for something to help deepen my worship around it.  Three of them stayed with me, and after a while I found my heart pounding in what might be that tell-tale way.  (All together with me, now: Oh, please, no, not after coming in late...)

I ended up reading them aloud. 

Which led to even deeper nuances for me in each of them.  Hmmmmmmm.

(If you'd like to hear them read aloud, click on the "Out loud" link after each one below, then on the video.)  (I admit I do not sound like either of these readers.)

16. Do you welcome the diversity of culture, language and expressions of faith in our yearly meeting and in the world community of Friends? Seek to increase your understanding and to gain from this rich heritage and wide range of spiritual insights. Uphold your own and other yearly meetings in your prayers.  (Out loud.)

17. Do you respect that of God in everyone though it may be expressed in unfamiliar ways or be difficult to discern? Each of us has a particular experience of God and each must find the way to be true to it. When words are strange or disturbing to you, try to sense where they come from and what has nourished the lives of others. Listen patiently and seek the truth which other people's opinions may contain for you. Avoid hurtful criticism and provocative language. Do not allow the strength of your convictions to betray you into making statements or allegations that are unfair or untrue. Think it possible that you may be mistaken.  (Out loud.)

38. If pressure is brought upon you to lower your standard of integrity, are you prepared to resist it? Our responsibilities to God and our neighbour may involve us in taking unpopular stands. Do not let the desire to be sociable, or the fear of seeming peculiar, determine your decisions.  (Out loud.)

Just after worship, I had several lovely conversations with Friends unrelated to my vocal ministry, one difficult but lovely conversation related to my vocal ministry -- and to gossip -- and one hard but good conversation about local issues and my concern. 

To my surprise, none of Britain Yearly Meeting's Advices and Queries seems to address gossip. 

So today I went looking in North Pacific Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice (my home Yearly Meeting), and searched the Advices and Queries to see what I might find there:

Our need for love and care, and our response to this need in others, make up a rich part of our lives. In an exchange truly grounded in love, each of us is both giver and receiver, ready to help and accept help. Neither pride nor fear keeps us from the unconditional love and care of God manifested through others. Let neither comfort nor self-centeredness blind us to need of others.

We listen to one another with openness of heart and in good faith, aware that greater wisdom than our own is required to meet our human needs. We lift up our hearts to the Source of all wisdom and power.

Are we charitable with each other? How careful are we of the reputation of others? Do we avoid hurtful criticism and gossip?

So, I leave you to ponder these Advices and Queries.

The Goddess, the Gods, the Spirit, not sure what the best word is, have been active in my life lately.  Things have been both challenging, and good; very both/and.  (I really don't want to give the impression I've been thoroughly miserable lately; far from it.  But well-challenged and kind of tender, yes.) 

I am sustained by the support of friends and Friends, and by good Quaker process.  Blessed be.

Light's return / Meeting for Worship

The windows of the Meetingroom where I now attend face south.  In Meeting for Worship this First Day, the angle of the Sun was just enough different from the last time I was there, in December, to be noticeable.

I've been noticing this difference in the angle of the Sun in daily life recently, too, and that sunrise and sunset times are now noticeably different, too. It's nearly a month since Winter Solstice, the Sun is higher in the sky, and the Sun rises earlier and sets later. 

On Saturday, in Area Meeting for Worship with Attention to Business, we stopped at around ten past four to admire the spectacular sunset out the southwest-facing windows.

And on Sunday, in Sun-drenched Meeting for Worship, the original gospel version of Charlie Murphy's "Light is Returning" kept running through my head:

After some more silent worship (both inner and outer), Sally Rogers' "Circle of the Sun" came to me and stayed for a while:

...perhaps because I've been thinking and writing quite a bit lately on the circle of life and community, and some of my worship was centered on both community and isolation, there in the Sun-drenched Meetingroom.

There was some vocal ministry that spoke to me deeply; it sprang from from Advices and Queries 18: 

How can we make the meeting a community in which each person is accepted and nurtured, and strangers are welcome? Seek to know one another in the things which are eternal, bear the burden of each other's failings and pray for one another. As we enter with tender sympathy into the joys and sorrows of each other's lives, ready to give help and to receive it, our meeting can be a channel for God's love and forgiveness.

I don't know if the vocal minister would have considered their ministry to be about diversity or individual differences within the Meeting community, but it's one of the ways their ministry spoke to me, resonated with me, and left me with more to worship about and think about.  All good things.

Two other Friends gave vocal ministry about the importance of community during times of hardship -- again, speaking to me very deeply. 

Most of Sunday's vocal ministry did me much good.

(I could even tell at the time!) 

Blessed be.

Faith and Practice quote from Residential General Meeting

I attended my first Residential General Meeting for Scotland this weekend.  Our morning business session opened with this quote (23.46) from Britain Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice.  It spoke deeply to me and to my condition:

I have been greatly exercised for some time by the image we like to present of ourselves (albeit with beating of breasts) as a white, middle-class, well-educated group of heterosexual people, preferably in stable marriages with children that behave in socially acceptable ways. I do feel that this is a myth. The danger of such myths is that we exclude many potential Quakers who feel they cannot/do not live up to the image or who feel that such a group is not one with which they wish to be associated. Sadly, many of us within the Society who do not fit in feel marginalised and second-class.

Another effect is that many problems faced by a large proportion of people are seen as separate: people who are poor, facing oppression, living in poor housing, experiencing prejudice are the 'others'. This enables us to be very caring but distant (and sometimes patronising) and also makes it difficult to be conscious of prejudice behind some of the normally accepted assumptions of our society/Society, such as that people who are unemployed are a different group from those who have employment; that poor people are poor ... because they are not as bright or as able as the rest of us or because their limited homes did not give them the opportunities that a good Quaker home would have done; that children living in single-parent families are automatically deprived by that very fact.

Until we as a Religious Society begin to question our assumptions, until we look at the prejudices, often very deeply hidden, within our own Society, how are we going to be able to confront the inequalities within the wider society? We are very good at feeling bad about injustice, we put a lot of energy into sticking-plaster activity (which obviously has to be done), but we are not having any effect in challenging the causes of inequality and oppression. I do sometimes wonder if this is because we are not able to do this within and among ourselves.

Susan Rooke-Matthews, 1993

Faith and Practice of Britain Yearly Meeting, 23.46

Advices and Queries from Worship today

At Central Edinburgh Meeting, where I now attend, at the end of Meeting for Worship, we have notices/announcements, a reading from Britain Yearly Meeting Advices and Queries, and then a few moments of worship before going downstairs for coffee/tea/fellowship and simple lunch. 

Today's advice and query, #27, has particular resonance for our family, and I thought I would share it.  (Click here for a link to hear it read aloud.)

Live adventurously. When choices arise, do you take the way that offers the fullest opportunity for the use of your gifts in the service of God and the community? Let your life speak. When decisions have to be made, are you ready to join with others in seeking clearness, asking for God's guidance and offering counsel to one another?

Hmmmm......

Notes from FLGBTQC Mid-Winter Gathering

notes from my Book of Shadows (spiritual notebook) from the 2011 Mid-Winter Gathering of Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns.  

As soon as our Epistle is available, I will post it here.  - sm 

Meeting for Worship Sunday

the idea that one "ought" to write, blog, etc., from love rather than from anger

--> anger springs from love, is a sign that something needs to change --> I would not be angry if i did not love

--> would not be angry on my own behalf if not for self-love; would not be angry on behalf of my Quaker communities if I did not love Quakerism or my Pagan communities if I did not love Paganism and if I did not love the Goddess (each other, this beautiful Earth)


writing about being at FLGBTQC Mid-Winter and my experience being here

--> what is it that is so wonderful about FLGBTQC?  it's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it, or to someone who's come and who's maybe been put off by another who's rubbed them the wrong way

-- so far this weekend, we've talked quite a bit about this community as someplace where we feel known, with our imperfections, and loved
-- I certainly feel this way

-- worship

-- worship for business

(-- no "card check" at the door)


reminder from worship: community is one of the testimonies


large-group worship sharing

how we collectively hold the integrity and centeredness of our worship as something important

-- conversations I've had today with Friends about how theaological diversity, and sharing that with each other, is one of the gifts of FLGBTQC

--> these two things -- integrity and centeredness of Quaker worship, and theaological diversity -- are not in conflict; but rather, they complement and enrich each other

I am hearing: it is important to ask to be held in the Light on the list-serv

*post the intergenerational worship post on the blog --> radical inclusion

Singing the Goddess

(fun!)

Music from circle at Winter Solstice/Yule (but probably not what you think)

In my Tradition's Winter Solstice ritual, we spiral into the Darkness, spend some time there, discover a number of gifts in the Darkness, and then spiral back out into the Light.

Several pieces of music have stuck with me from circle this year.

Lorna Kohler's "Spiraling into the Center" 

Spiraling into the center
The center of the Wheel
Spiraling into the center
The center of the Wheel
I am the weaver,  I am the woven one
I am the dreamer, I am the dream
I am the weaver,  I am the woven one
I am the dreamer, I am the dream...

(I learned this with "shield" and "wheel" interchangeable (ah, folk process...).  There are times when "shield" makes sense to me, and times when "wheel" makes sense to me, too.  Sheet music for this can be found on p. 251 of Songs for Earthlings.)  

Clara Scott's "Open My Eyes, That I May See"

When I had walked a counter-clockwise spiral into the center of the circle, into the Darkness, I spent some time in worship there.  And one of the things that came to me were lines from this hymn:

Open mine eyes, that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me...
Open mine eyes, illumine me
Spirit Divine!

Yes, it's a hymn!  Like a lot of women of my generation, I spent many years thinking that was simply the opening to Cris Williamson's "Song of the Soul."

But at FLGBTQC Mid-Winter Gathering a few years ago, when Willie Frye was our keynote speaker, we sang hymn #166 in the Quaker hymnal Worship in Song in worship one morning.  And I learned there's a whole hymn behind those opening bars...  Clara Scott's hymn "Open My Eyes, That I May See."

Open my eyes, that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me...
Open my eyes, illumine me
Spirit Divine!
Open my ears, that I may hear...
Open my ears, illumine me
Spirit Divine!
Open my mouth, and let me bear...
Open my heart, illumine me
Spirit Divine!
Open my mind, that I may read...
Open my mind, illumine me
Spirit Divine!

Cris Williamson's "Song of the Soul"

During the rest of ritual, then, "Song of the Soul" was of course stuck in my head.  During singing, I snagged my wife's copy of Rise Up Singing (there are occasionally advantages to casting a circle in your own living room), and my circle sisters indulged me by singing it enthusiastically with me.

In harmony.

They rock.  

And we can sing this song
Why don't you sing along?
And we can sing for a long, long time
And we can sing this song
Why don't you sing along? 
And we can sing for a long, long time

May you, too, always find gifts of magic in the blessed Dark.

Music in my head during worship

As I've mentioned before (especially in my talk about William Taber's "Four Doors to Meeting for Worship"), I often have music in my head during Meeting for Worship. Sometimes it's music that comes to me while I'm settling into worship; sometimes it's music that comes to me when I've gone deep.

There's a chant, "Meditation on Breathing," that I learned at the UUMN conference last year, from/by Sarah Dan Jones (on her website, and Singing the Journey #1009):

drone:
Breathe in
Breathe out

melody:
When I breathe in, I'll breathe in peace
When I breathe out, I'll breathe out love

descant:
When I breathe in, I'll breathe in peace
When I breathe out, I'll breathe out love

This song often comes to me when I'm settling into worship, and paying attention to my breathing. It was definitely present with me this First Day as I was struggling with some worry and stress.

Later in worship, Harry Belafonte's "Turn the World Around" was very much with me:

We come from the fire (water, mountain)
Living in the fire (water, mountain)
Go back to the fire (water, mountain)
Turn the world around...

Do you know who I am?
Do I know who you are?
See we one another clearly?
Do we know who we are?...

We come from the Spirit
Truly of the Spirit
Only can the Spirit
Turn the world around

I first learned this in Roses, Too! Coven, where it was a favorite closing song. Most of us there had first heard it a good when Harry Belafonte visited the Muppets (here and here). :) I now own a copy from "An Evening with Harry Belafonte and Friends," and listen to it and sing it often. (I love trying to sing it in consistent 5/4 time, instead of turning it into 6/8.)

This is a song that helps me ground and be renewed, be joyful, hopeful, and thankful.

A good song to come to me in the deep part of worship.

"The narrow place"

I've been having a rough time for about the last six months. There's been lots of personal, familial, spiritual, and physical stuff going on, with lots of grief and loss.

About a week and a half ago, I was finally able to move into a space of being present with some of my grief and mourning. Not all of it, and not all at once -- too overwhelming! -- but a space where I could begin to be present with bits and pieces of it at a time.

Today, worship was good. But I had a hard time settling in. I was slightly chilly but reasonably comfortable physically, and I had a very comfortable seat. But quieting my mind, the spiritual settling in, centering... those were not coming easily. Paying attention to my breathing sometimes helps; it helped some today, but didn't bring me to that centered sense. It's been quite a while since I did a formal grounding-and-centering meditation in Meeting; I thought that might help, so I tried; but I got nowhere. As often happens, I had music running through my mind; and music often helps center my worship... nope. And there was nothing bringing me much mental or spritual comfort, either, nothing helping to put me back in that mind-set where there's rough stuff going on but it's okay and Meeting gives me space separate from my worry so I can come back to it refreshed... not today.

Finally, I reached a place where I decided I would just be there in my distraction. There's an exercise in meditation, and sometimes worship, where if you get distracted, you notice your distraction, then put it aside. Nope. Since I couldn't do that, I just decided my distraction would be front and center.

And this actually brought me some peace.

One of the things I've been fretting about is my ministry. What came to me in Meeting today was, "My ministry right now is to be in the hard place -- the narrow place: be faithful to that."

---------------------------

Why did the words "the narrow place" come to me?

When I first sat down in worship today, the song in my head was "Lo Yisa Goy":

Lo yisa goy el goy cherev
Lo ilmadu od milchama

Both versions I know were running through my head in the medley we sang one year in SpiralSong: the version I learned from Libana, and the perhaps better-known version by Jaffa and Minkhoff (which appears in the Friends' hymnal, Worship in Song, #300).

And everyone 'neath their vine and fig tree
Shall live in peace and unafraid
And into plowshares beat their swords
Nations shall learn war no more

The words in the Hebrew and English versions are from the the books of Micah and Isaiah in the Hebrew scriptures. I have often sung this song at Passover. This year, Passover starts tomorrow (Monday) at sunset, and I am in the midst of preparing for a Seder tomorrow night in blessed community.

At Passover, we are instructed to tell the story of the Exodus as if it had happened to us. Some of the language that describes our experience of slavery in Mitrayim is "the narrow place." In Passover Seders based on the haggadah by Elliott batTzedek which I usually use, we talk about our experiences of Mitrayim: our experience, as women and as lesbians, of the "narrow places" and of the different kinds of slavery forced on us by sexism, heterosexism, ableism, classism, racism, and other related oppressions (because they are all related).

Exodus is a story of deliverance into freedom from slavery and from oppression, and about how hard it can be to throw off the mind-set of oppression -- our mental chains -- as well.

The Hebrews' G-d led them to the narrow place and back out of it. While they (we) were there, perhaps that was their (our) witness to the world.

It has been hard for me to embrace "the narrow places" in my life. I know I have leftover messages from childhood lurking in my head that still insist silence is much safer when I'm going through a hard time. Even more so when it's a hard time that involves conflict with other people, or the loss of relationships other people don't fully understand. Shhhhh, those old messages say.

There have been other times in worship when I've had messages similar to the one that came to me in Meeting today. If it was true today, then it's important -- for me, for my ministry, for my sense of community, and for my relationship with the Goddess, and for reasons I don't know and may never know -- for me to be open and honest about being not just in a hard place, but being in a narrow place, now.

Maybe this time I can embrace being in a narrow place -- be fully present with it, and not try to hide from other people that this is where I am.

I don't expect it will be very comfortable.

Britain Yearly Meeting query from worship this week

So, this last First Day, I worshiped with Friends in Edinburgh, Scotland (at Central Edinburgh Quaker Meeting).

Each week, Friends in Britain read from the Advices and Queries. Here was this week's:

17. Do you respect that of God in everyone though it may be expressed in unfamiliar ways or be difficult to discern? Each of us has a particular experience of God and each must find the way to be true to it. When words are strange or disturbing to you, try to sense where they come from and what has nourished the lives of others. Listen patiently and seek the truth which other people's opinions may contain for you. Avoid hurtful criticism and provocative language. Do not allow the strength of your convictions to betray you into making statements or allegations that are unfair or untrue. Think it possible that you may be mistaken.

...which I rather resonated for me; and so I thought I'd share it.

Friends in Edinburgh were just lovely, and I'm delighted I had the chance to worship there; all the more so since it was a somewhat unexpected opportunity. (It's not like I make casual jaunts to Europe all the time... :) )

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr; the music of the Civil Rights Movement; and Bruce Springsteen

Thirteen years ago, my Coven co-Priestess and I went to a training in non-violent intervention at Friends Center in Philadelphia on Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. weekend, in honor of his life and work. (My experiences that day prompted me to start attending Meeting not long after, and I have been active in the RSoF ever since; but that's another blog post.)

So that training was in my mind during worship this morning...

During one Friend's message, "We Shall Overcome" started floating through my head. (Hers was a short message; the verses continued in my head.)

I found myself thinking of Bruce Springsteen's current work. Beloved Wife is a Springsteen fan, and I bought his "Live in Dublin" cd for her birthday last year after hearing a special about it on public radio. "Live in Dublin" takes the work of "We Shall Overcome: the Seeger Sessions" several steps further into certain kinds of traditional American music -- especially the music of the Civil Rights Movement. (Check out the playlist here.) I was so blown away by the performances I heard that even if Beloved Wife hadn't been a Springsteen fan, I'd've liked to have bought the album.

I know. You're thinking, "That white rocker from NJ is doing spirituals. Right. Ew." Trust me on this. If you just can't fathom it, pay attention to the rest of the musicians.

Part of what was coming to me in worship today was hearing people involved with "Live in Dublin" talk on the radio special about how important it is to bring this music to new generations. About how people who would never think to listen to it, who would never be exposed to it, are standing there at concerts next to people singing every word of every song -- sometimes, their own parents, and then going home and having conversations about it.

I'm grateful that Bruce Springsteen is bringing some of this music to folks who weren't there at the time or who didn't grow up with it. Not just the music, but what it's all about.











better sound, but not the cool video: